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Sherlocked posted this thread...
Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Like most couples my boyfriend and I go to the movies and other date-ish things. Whenever I ask him out with me I offer to pay, and this always rubs him the wrong way.

In his eyes since he's the male he has to pay. I'm not one of those girls who wants special treatment just because of my gender, I think girls should be treated equally. Which means we .should pay when we invite someone out with us. I know he is trying to be a gentleman but I'd really like it if he let me pay for at least part of the date. I finally let it go and told him he could pay but I plan on reverse pick pocketing him the money.

If the girl invites the guy out should she pay or let the guy pay? Is it better to compromise? What if he/she refuses to compromise?

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Kenrichi replied...
Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:16 am

Normally the man should pay regardless of whether or not he invited the woman or not. It is best to compromise. If he/she refuses then you should be the bigger person and give in.

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CTS207This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

This is what I dislike about our culture and the economy. Since times are tough it is better to go ductch which is what I've been doing with my current beloved. As much as hurts to bite down on the urge to follow the norm, my finances won't permit me to do otherwise.
So in all honesty, LADIES pleeeeeeeeeeeeease! for your sake and that of your beloved tell your date that you're willing to pay. If you have to be an outright jerk about it, just hand the cashier your money as well. If he his not willing to take it.
 

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Sherlocked replied...
Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Thank you! It's so frustrating when your partner doesn't let you even help pay.

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JubilexThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 19, 2012 at 2:21 am

My boyfriend and I used to have little debates about this. It didn't anger him, or make him upset, but it did used to frustrate him when I wouldn't let him pay for things. I like being independent and ever since I was old enough to really get the idea, I've disregarded the whole "gender role" in relationships. The guy doesn't need to ask the girl out, pay for everything, make all the moves, etc. I feel that relationships should be more balanced than that.

So in the newer parts of our relationship, I wanted to pay for a lot of my own stuff myself (now we're kind of in that stage where our money essentially feels like it belongs to both of us anyway, so there aren't the same issues). He's a really sweet guy and always wants to do everything for me if I'll allow it, but I'm not the kind of girl who does. I explained to him my thoughts and he did do as I asked. I paid for most of my things when we went out, but every now and then I let him pay for something entirely because I know it's something that he's hard-wired to do. He likes to make the person he's with feel special by doing things like that.

Essentially, it is really a compromise kind of thing. Your boyfriend should make an effort to understand what you want, as you should do with him. If he refuses, then you've got a problem. I suggest finding a good place and enough time to discuss this properly with him.

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Nov. 21, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Normally, the first few dates, the guys pay. That's just the way it is. It's great that you want to pay your own way! Maybe, it he gets the more expensive tickets and you get the snacks at the movies, he'll still feel like he's doing the boyfriend-y thing and you'll be helping him out. You might want to lay off the offering to pay for a date or two, then bring it up again. Just a suggestion! Keep us posted!

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