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In a Pickle! Advice please!

Confuzzled3 posted this thread...
Oct. 23, 2012 at 12:10 am

So, I'm in a bit of a pickle.  For the first couple weeks of school I was hooking up with this kid Tim.  We spent a lot of time just talking and cuddling, though, and it seemed like we had a lot of chemistry, similar senses of humor, similar interests, etc.  I knew that he also hooked up with two other girls at parties during this time.  This bothered me, but not too much since we weren't exclusive.  Then I hooked up with a boy at a party.  At the time, I hadn't seen or talked to Tim in a week, and I kind of figured he had moved on.  But, he texted me the next night asking me to hang out.. We were both sober, and we ended up hanging out in my room.  We kissed a little bit, but we mostly just talked.  The next time we hung out we didn't kiss at all, but it was a really fun time, and he came up to my room as soon as I texted him even though he had a test to study for.  Then we didn't talk or hang out for over a week. One weekend night, I was at a party and Tim came right up to me to talk to me.  He was flirty, but then he just left.  And I texted him to see if he wanted to hang out, and he just blew me off.  Then his friend, Josh, came up to me, introduced himself, and started talking to me.  We talked for a couple of hours and then the party ended.  We live in the same dorm, so we walked back together.  He asked if he could come up to my room, and I said I wasn't sure if it was a good idea because of Tim.  He said Tim wasn't looking for anything serious.  Josh and I ended up hanging out for 4 hours and making out.  He was really sweet and asked if he could see me again.  Josh and I have been hanging out multiple times a week since.  Josh didn't tell Tim for about two weeks.  On the day he planned to tell him, Tim texted me asking if I could hang out that night.  Then Josh talked to him and Tim seemed to be okay with the whole thing.  So Tim and I hung out as friends, but he was very cuddly (putting his head on my chest, tickling me).  We talked about me and Josh, and it came out that Tim didn't know it was a multiple time thing.  He wasn't mad, but he seemed a bit upset.  He asked me questions about it (did he sleep over, how do you see him and how do you see me).  I told him I had been confused by him asking me to hang out but not wanting to hook up.  He said he stopped hooking up with me because he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship and he didn't want to hurt me.  He said he just wants to be friends "for now."  So that is why he kept on asking me to hang out.  

I have continued to hang out with Josh, but I feel conflicted.  I like Josh but we don't have the same chemistry as Tim and I.  And by Tim's reaction, it seemed like he would have wanted a relationship eventually but didn't want one so soon into college.  And the fact that he stopped hooking up with me makes it seem like he cares about me more than other girls.  A friend of mine confirmed this, saying Tim considered giving up his freshman fall freedom for me and that he had feelings for me.  Josh also doesn't want a relationship because he is only here for one year.  It is technically open, but we are "seeing each other." And if either one of us hooks up with someone else, we have to talk about it.  

I feel like I blew it though.  I don't want to wreck a friendship, and I feel like I can't bank on Tim anyways.  But I feel like seeing Josh will ruin any chance of ever being with Tim.  I know it is wrong to flip flop between friends.  My one friend said it is Josh or nothing, but it is so hard to hang out with Tim, know we have such great chemistry, and think that there is no chance.

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AmieLeeHope replied...
Oct. 23, 2012 at 8:40 am

Well you have to think, who treats me better. Does he flirt so much that I'm not the only one that thinks that he is on me and that's it? Then you have to think maybe they just want to hook-up. What do you want? A hook-up or a relationship? If you have great chemistry with Tim then think can I get that with Josh? You have to think about every possible angle. Make sure that in the end whoever you decide on, he is the right one for you and he wants what you want.

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CTS207 replied...
Oct. 23, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Good grief, ever considered dating 1 at a time? trust me it's a drama proof plan lol jk. Anyway, I agree with Amie, best start thinking hard ASAP before things get worse

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Confuzzled3 replied...
Oct. 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Hahah CTS207, in my defense, I'm not "dating" anyone.  
Amie, I don't think Tim just wants to hook up because he stopped hooking up with me when he realized he wasn't ready for a relationship but continued to ask me to hang out.  
I'm just afraid of ending up with neither of them.. and I also value their friendships, so I don't want to lose either of them completely.  I know I can't have it all, though..

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CTS207 replied...
Oct. 24, 2012 at 9:18 pm

So get what you can, while you can...and if you have the time think about what you really want? In the words of Jack Sparrow "what is it you want the most?"

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Confuzzled3 replied...
Oct. 24, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I'm going to stop hooking up with Josh.  My feelings are stronger for Tim, and it just isn't fair to Josh.  I think I am just going to be straight up with him and say something along the lines of "I really enjoy spending time with you, but I feel conflicted.  When we first hooked up, I thought things with Tim were over, but I still liked him.  And, even though I really like you, I think I still have some residual feelings for him because this all happened so fast.  It just feels wrong to see you when I still have some feelings for your best friend.  It's not that I necessarily like him more or that I want to stop seeing you and start seeing Tim.  It's just that I don't think it would be fair to you for me to be only half present all the time.  I want to be honest with you, and I want to be straight up with you before things progress any farther. 

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Confuzzled3 replied...
Dec. 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Haha great minds think alike :)

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