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> Forums > Teen Ink Forums > Random Thoughts and Basic Chat > English Lyrics Need Some Proofreading~ Critique Plz?
Feb. 12 at 5:17 pm
Song: Joker by Hatsune Miku.
Wrote some English lyrics for it, want some input on anything I can make better before using them and junk.
Link to the song w/english translation: youtube .com/ watch?v =9ZzI4Jz1O0s
Lyrics:
Shall we begin now? It’s showtime
Invite a woman up in her prime
Would you like to play a card game?
No need to know one another’s name
Do you consent to all my rules?
True love is only for the fools
If you want something just ask me
Just know you’ll have to pay a penalty
The hands of time can’t go back the choice you make at last cannot be reversed with such ease
For in this game we play I have already put my cards in play
JOKER
A girl is on the verge of crying
JOKER
Shows signs of fear oh how exciting
JOKER
With just one moment of this pleasure
JOKER
I wanna run away together
This new world I shall now show you to
Has a forest melting into blue
My expectations are at a high
There is no need for fear just come nigh
The hands of time can’t go back the choice I make at last cannot be reversed with such ease
For in this game we play you have already put your cards in play
JOKER
JOKER
JOKER
Your bright light is now slowly dimming
JOKER
An anger of yours is subsiding
JOKER
A body shaken to depression
JOKER
Two people now hold dead expressions
JOKER
A girl is on the verge of crying
JOKER
Once a bright star is now in mourning
JOKER
With just one moment of this pleasure
JOKER
I wanna run away together
So yeah, please help me edit this in any way possible ^^
Feb. 12 at 5:22 pm
Other Tranlsations I used:
youtube .com/watch?v= KyxjdDmQVvo
animelyrics .com/doujin /vocaloid/ joker.htm
Feb. 12 at 5:22 pm
Other Tranlsations I used:
youtube .com/watch?v= KyxjdDmQVvo
animelyrics .com/doujin /vocaloid/ joker.htm
Feb. 12 at 7:51 pm
YO I'm having trouble with some other lyrics, if i put them here will peoples help meh? ;^;
Feb. 12 at 8:15 pm
I love your lyrics Floree ^_^ They actually go with the song.
I can try to help you with other ones but I've only done one which was Mozaik Role so I'm sorry if I'm not good at it.
Feb. 12 at 8:17 pm
Thanks, Joker was easy. Ike Lenka? ... not so much.
Here's what I got so far:
L-L-L-Len Len Len Len you all out I'm gonna
Len Len Len Len you all out
(2x)
11
To sing for you anything is the sale point
14
And in the shadows I train to get better everyday
12
But still there's people who sing at a higher rate
13
But hopefully I'll destroy them all it'd make my day
1
So-o~~Oh~Ohh~~~
9
Please be with me when I defeat them
12
Please don't cheat on me... I'd hate if you left me
4
Don't look away
12-13
L-L-L-Len you all the way out cuz I will cuz I can
14
I will charm you with all my songs but can I really win then?
12
E-E-E-Everyday you said that you would listen now right?
13-14
But don't you think I could aspire to a much greater height?
4
Isn’t that right!
L-L-L-Len Len Len Len you all out I'm gonna
Len Len Len Len you all out
(2x)
11
Though I may not act like I care for you now
14
Just know that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be around
13
But even so my feelings aren't those of love
13
I just don't feel anything yet past a friendly hug
1
So-o~~Oh~Ohh~~~
9
Prove to me how true are your feelings
13
But I see now if we're left alone let me just say
4
I feel okay
12
A-A-A-Affection is that what you said you wanted?
14
I do not know if I am capable of giving you it
13
L-L-L-Love is just a trick that your mind plays on you
14
Someone said there is no such thing as a true "I love you”
4
Isn't that true?
L-L-L-Len Len Len Len you all out I'm gonna
Len Len Len Len you all out
(2x)
RAP
In reality my heart's pounding so loudly
Your words cut into me and just make me feel so unsteady
Stupid things I do to fu.ck myself up
guess my self-confidence is finally all used up
You say you love me but do you really?
You say you want me but do you really know me?
This feint can you just see so easily?
But still can you tell me you love me?
To be the cool one was the whole plan
Act like nothing could bother me as I am the man
But what the h.ell do I really know?
I'm only an eighth grader on my life's own road
Running away and hiding is my one and only skill
Pretend I don't give a sh.it about other's we-ell
That's all just an act I really need your shoulder to lean on
So secretly I don't want you to ever leave
3
So-o~~ Oh~Ohh~~~
9
Just keep on loving me like you do
13
I’m sure if you all stay with me through everything then I’ll
6
take this world by storm
13
C-C-C-Can I keep up this winning streak of mine?
14
I will post song after song so you can listen all night
13
Y-Y-Y-You play my songs in a repeated loop?
14
Maybe I should show you that I’m grateful... um so thank you
13
S-S-S-So I am your target of love isn’t that right?
14
You say you love me, love me very much … is that right?
13
S-S-S-So when does this little love of ours start?
3
You and me-
...
5
Oh please excuse me!
4
I'm just teasing~
... ignore the numbers.
So yeah, most of it fits okay-ish, but the ending doesnt really... it hates meh ;^; Halp.
Feb. 12 at 8:44 pm
Okay so I had to listen to the song and figure out what the meaning was first XD Up to what point do you need help with? lol i was going to ask what the numbers were for XP
Feb. 12 at 8:46 pm
XD well, most of it fits more or less, except the last part. Starting at "C-C-C-Can I keep up this winning streak of mine?" to the end mainly.
And the numbers were the number or syllables originally, if you really wanna know.
Feb. 12 at 9:17 pm
It sounds fine to me XD maybe instead of "that I'm grateful" it could be "my gratitude"? PX
Hmm maybe the "S-S-S-So I am your target..." it could be something like:
S-S-S-So I am your target of love, is that so?
You say you love me, love me very much... I even know
and I personally like "begin" over "start" on the "S-S-S-So when does this little..." ^_^ I hope I helped >.>... I'm not good at this XD
Feb. 12 at 9:25 pm
Hm... okay, making it fit properly, how's this?:
13
C-C-C-Can I keep up this winning streak of mine?
14
I will post song after song so you can listen all night
13
Y-Y-Y-You play my songs in a repeated loop?
14
Maybe I should show you my gratitude... um so thank you
13
S-S-S-So I am your target of love, is that so?
14
You say you love me, love me very much … tell me so
13
W-W-W-When does this little love of ours begin?
3
You and me-
...
Oh please excuse me!
I'm just teasing~
Feb. 12 at 9:32 pm
Yes! Sounds much better and it flows better too! ^_^
Feb. 12 at 9:33 pm
Alright! ^^ ... and now just for the heck of it, wanna help me look over the rest of the lyrics? XD I'm so freaking bored right now, and plus a lot of the lyrics probably sound weird.
Feb. 12 at 9:37 pm
Sure but it will take me a while XP
Feb. 12 at 9:42 pm
XD just do it part by part, start with the first verse and chorus.
Feb. 12 at 9:44 pm
by the way, i edited it a bit more to make it singable, here:
13
C-C-C-Can I really keep up this win streak of mine?
14
I will post song after song so you can listen all night
13
Y-Y-Y-You play my songs over repeated in a loop?
14
Maybe I should show you my gratitude... um so thank you
13
S-S-S-So I am your target of love is that so?
14
You say you love me, love me very much … tell me so?
13
W-W-W-When does this little love of ours begin?
3
You and me-
...
5
Oh please excuse me!
4
I'm just teasing~
Feb. 12 at 10:00 pm
Omg that sounds even better XD
Okay for the first verse the line "But hopefully I'll destroy them all it'd make my day" I feel like the "it'd make my day" disrupts the flow but I don't know what should be replaced with it >.<...
Feb. 12 at 10:08 pm
hm... how about "But hopefully I'll destroy them all you’ll see one day"?
Feb. 13 at 8:25 pm
OKAI, i have more lyrics. The song is Tsunde Lenka by Kagamine Len. It's also called Tsunde Renka and Tsundere Len's Love Song. The words fit, but any help with flow will be appreciated.
12
If you ask me what are my thoughts on this topic
10
I’d say love is just a small fantasy
11
Truthfully, I believe it’s quite idiotic
7-5
What’s with all your eagerness? It’s so troublesome
12
It’s such a nuisance when you stare constantly
12
And when you share your notes when I just don’t need them
15
You keep speaking of this thing, I believe the term is called ‘love’
10
But can’t you see you just don’t understand
14
For it’s not something that is so easily obtained from one
6
from you just trying hard
12
You have no clue to how much I really hate you
10
You’re just a thorn in my side that won’t go
12
What’d you say? “I like you” oh just give me a break
11
Can’t you just go, get lost and leave me alone
12
It pains me so when you expect something of me
End it before my love shows
7
I’ll be a bore, if you know
So show you? No!
12
In the most basic of terms this feeling called love
11
Is just some illness that’s caught by idiots
12
So how did you end up with something so stupid
12
The most affected ages are those in their teens
11
Symptoms include unrealistic thinking
12
Check all diagnosed in the hospital promptly
15
When you say you “like” someone means that they’re your “one beloved”?
10
What kind of dumb code are you talking in now?
15
Maybe if I care for you, let you get rest and medicine
6
You’ll improve, make sense too
12
Secretly though I know it’s not really that bad
10
To believe in this love but you see
12
If I reveal my true self to you now I know
11
Anything between us two will never be
So then before anything serious happens I’ll
End it before my love shows
I’ll be a bore, if you know
So show you? No!
12
You have no clue to how much I really hate you
10
You’re just a thorn in my side that won’t go
12
What’d you say? “I like you” oh just give me a break
11
Can’t you just go, get lost and leave me alone
12
It pains me so when you expect something of me
7
End it before my love shows
7
I’ll be a bore, if you know
So show you? No!
Again, ignore the numbers.
Feb. 13 at 8:30 pm
wait... instead of "So before anything serious appenes I'll", it's "Before anything blows up in my face I'll" XDD it just fits better
