Yesterday, at lunch with my father and brother, celebrating my birthday.
Me: I've just been playing Dark Souls.
Brother: Oh, right. Hey, there's a game where you steal people's souls.
Me: You don't steal people's souls...You just take them... -_-''
Brother: Yeah, in self-defense, right?
Me: Yeah, they attacked first so I took their souls.
Brother: Because you had no other options, of course.
Father: *cracking up.*
Me: S-Shut up ._.
Mammy and I: *Watching murder mystery where murderer is crazy poisoner*
Daddy: *comes in with two glasses of wine and gives one to mammy* Goodbye
Me: *slow head turn toward him with horrified look*
Daddy: Er-- I mean "goodnight".
Mammy and I: *Look at wine, look at each other, look at tv*
Me: DON'T DRINK IT MAM!
Mammy: I'm not drinking this.
Brother #5: *looks at watch* It's 4:10.
Sister #3: *looks at her watch* 4:12.
Sister #3: I like Foobles.
Me: I said froggies.
Sister #3: Oh.
Brother #5: I'm not a pretty bird.
Brother #4 and I: *in the kitchen, making tea*
Brother #4: *dumps the rest of the sugar container into his cup* Haha, no more sugar.
Me: I wasn't going to use it.
Brother #4: Oh. I was really hoping you were going to.
Me: Speaking of which, Soy Sauce.
Brother #4: High point of everyone's day.
Me: Uh-huh. *leaves the room*
Sister #2: ...And she just leaves.
Brother #4: It's the doom of the universe, a vessel of evil.
Me: It's a mushroom.
Brother #4: We must destroy this foul thing before it destroys us.
Sister #3: *runs over* FIRE!!
Brother #4: You can't kill it with something like fire, it's-
Me: *cuts in* It has anti-inflamitory mushroom juices!
Brother #4: Good for the digestion. But it will still kill you.
Sister #3: Maybe it's just a mushroom.
Brother #4 *takes one lick* Nope, definately the doom of us all.
Me: Spud! Give me a really good word.
Brother #5: Microchiropteran.
Me: ...How do you spell that?
Brother #5: *writes it down*
*several months ago, between 3rd and 4th period in school*
Me: *leaving History room*
Marji: *walks into History room*
Me: OMG MARJIMARJIMARJIMARJI THEY STARTED FILMING SEASON THREE OF SHERLOCK!
Marji: OH MY GOSH ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Me: *actually screaming now* YES! AND IT'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE RELEASED THIS YEAR!!!
Me and Marji: *jumping up and down* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
History Teacher: *sitting at desk staring at us* Yo guys have a problem.
Me, Mom, and various siblings: *watching Sherlock*
Random Barn Swallow: *flies through the room and slams into window*
Everyone else: .........
Right before a parade in marching band.
Emily: My clarinet sounds aweful!
Cecilia: Just like your playing...
Lauren: Emily, if your playing was a baby, it would be beautiful.
Me: *slow head turn with weird expression and stares at her*
*After parade, getting Italian ice*
Lauren: *gets on bus holding cup of Italian ice*
Mrs. Valley: What flavor did you get, Lauren?
Me: What does red taste like?
Lauren: Love and happiness.
Me: What does love and happiness taste like?
Me: *Checking email, opens email from Aoide*
Aoide: * in email* I died and forgot about it.
Me: *in reply* Well then.
Brother #4: *holds up bottle of brown paint with picture of cartoon lion on label* Look at his face. It looks like someone's squeezing his naughty bits.
Me: O.O I've never noticed that before.
Brother #4: Yeah, and look at this one. *points at green bottle with alarmed frog on it* It looks like he's watching.
-a few days later-
Brother #4: *shows bottle to Mom* See his face?
Mom: Yeah? It's just squeezing paint out of a bottle.
Me: *collapses in a fit of giggles*
Mom: ? What...
B (my neighbor's 3-year-old granddaughter): *looks up at the sky* The sky is blue! The clouds are all hiding behind the sun! *looks at me* Do you know what clouds are?
Me: No, what?
B: Fluffies! Comfortable fluff.
Me: *points at sister #3* What's she made of then?
B: Clover rectangles.
Fireman: *holds up suspenders* Does anyone know what this is?
Little boy: JETPACK!!
Friend: It seems like commericals are getting stupider and stupider.
Me: That's cuz the whole human population is getting stupider and stupider.
*on mission trip after finishing work--we were back at the church where we stay*
Me: Do you want to go for a walk?
Bethany: It's too hot.
Me: You're right *lies down on floor*
Bethany: *lies down on floor* Do you see that cloud?
Me: (We're inside, btw) Yep.
Behtany: It looks like a baby.
Me: Now it looks like your face.
Bethany: Now it looks like your face.
Me: My vision's getting a little cloudy.
Bethany: *dies laughing*
*Aoide and her sister playing Zelda*
Sister: No! Not face! I'm a beautiful man! Not my beautiful face!
*A little while later*
Sister: Helga! Helga the sea goddess!
((Oh my gosh Ocean! That reminded me when my sister played Zelda xD))
Me and cousin: *watching my sister play Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of time*
Me: I'm bored... Let's name the characters like we did in F.E.A.R!!! :D
Cousin: Okay! What's Link's name?
Me: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroberto! XD
Sister: Roberto? O.o
Me/Cousin: No! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroberto! XD
Sister: Okay? =_=' *calls for Epona in the game*
Cousin: *points at Epona* Her name will be Poncho!!! :D
Me: Ooooo Nice! XD
Sister: ?? -_-'... *riding Epona and big poe appears* Oh look a PoePoe(what my sister calls them)
Me: No~ It's Caca!
Cousin: *dieing from laughter* xD
Sister: Are we just doing a Spanish theme here or what? -_- *captures poe*
Me: *says cousin's name* Read the post and replace poe with 'caca' XD
Cousin: *reads caption* Congradulations! You caught a big 'caca'!... *busts up laughing*
Me: *laughing as well*
Sister: You guys are gross! *trying not to laugh*
((This was the F.E.A.R one))
Me/Cousin: *watching my sister play F.E.A.R*
Me: Charlie~ Charlie~
Cousin: Who's Charlie? O.o
Me: ... Her! XD *points to sister*
Sister: Oh so now I'm Charlie? =_='
Me: *laughs* Yes! XD... *watching her break things in the game* *In a british accent like in the "Charlie bit me video"* Charlie! Charlie don't break things that aren't yours! I'll tell mom on you!!
Cousin: *laughing* (she laughs at anything XD)
Sister: Oh really? Your gonna tell m-
*Alma appears in game* (Alma is like a dead child that chases you around)
Sister: *screams bloody murder*
Me: Mommy!!! :D
Sister: *after Alma disappears* Oh, so she's our mother now? =_= *continues playing*
Me: Sure~ XD
Sister: Well tell mommy to not scare me next time! DX
Mom: *walks by* What'd I do? O.o
Sister: *laughs* Not you mommy. My other mommy.
Me: *playing Zelda OOT at age 5*
*Ceiling master falls*
Me: *Screams louder than is humanly possible* NONONONONONONONO! MAMMY!
Mam: *Comes running in thinking I'm hurt* GENNY! OH MY GOSH! ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT'S WRONG?!?!
Me: The monster is scary!
[My friend Olivia and I are discussing the newest Star Trek film, Star Trek: Into Darkness, and who we and our friends would resemble most out of the crew ]
Olivia: So Dustin would probably be Kirk, since he's, y'know, all crazy and stuff.
Me: Yeah, probably... Plus he talks a lot.
Olivia: Exactly. And I would be McCoy.
Me: Wait, what? I thought I was McCoy? You know how sarcastic and pessimistic I am...
Olivia: Nope. I'm McCoy. You're Spock, you idiot. Get it right.
Me: o_o What? Spock? But that doesn't even make sense!
Olivia: You mean my assumption isn't logical?
Me: Yes, it is highly illogi-- Ohoho, I see what you did there. Nice try.