Little Brother: The policeman shot him with a knockout gun and hauled him to jail, hey do you wanna come to my bookstore?
As usual, the ever-brilliant Ocean has had a hand in many of these:
1) Me engaging in the 'Farmer Rant' : And then Turnstall goes from an incorruptable awesome guy to a jerk who turns to the dark side for no apparent reason and murders, like, twenty different people who should have not really had to die in the first place, even though he knows it's just going to wind up getting him killed anyway without any sort of reward for his evil backstabbing, and tries to kill his best friend, who then kicks his butt, and then he breaks his fiancee's heart, and then he winds up beaten and tied to a tree and then dies in the night barely clothed and frozen solid and...."
Ocean: Aoide? You're scaring me.
2) Ocean: So, this one time I had this dream that I pushed Hannah off a mountain.
3) Sister: My heart isn't full of rainbows... it's full of DOUBLE RAINBOWS....O__O
4) Friend: Then Voldemort said, "Harry Potter? I lost the lamborghini."
"Voldemort! How did you loose the Lamboghini?!"
"It fell into a river full of sea urchins. Can I have another Lamborghini?"
5) Friend: Jimmy! I will kill you in the afterlife!
6) Friend: Can I have your tickets if I lick them?
Friend: *sticks out tongue* Pleash Prewithy Pleash?
7) Me: You know, Christmas, Easter, and Halloween have songs, but Thanksgiving doesn't.
Sister: We should make Thanksgiving carols!
Ocean: Please don't. Guys, plea-
Sister and I: *singing* On the first day of thanksgiving my pilgrim gave to me, a large bowl of cranberry jelly!
8) Ocean: The smiley bag! The smiley bag of censorship!
9) Ocean: And then he digs her up, and asks that when he dies, they take one side of both of their coffins and bury him next to her.
Me: Aww.. That's kind of sweet.
Ocean: He stares at her rotting face. After his wife died.
Me: Never mind.
10) Me: Mayor Gold turned off the snailbox.
Hey Aoide! As long as you're making me relive moments that I want erased from history:
1) Aoide: *Eats oreo*
Aoide: *Two minutes later* Hey! Where's my oreo?
Me: You ate it!
Aoide: You took it!
2) Aoide: *Lying on floor staring intently at either the ceiling or the TV, I couldn't tell which* Nini, nini! Nini, nini! *Continues saying this for twenty minutes*
3) Teacher: And then in the future, Aoide will marry Jaren, and her grandparents will set up four-foot poles at the wedding so they can impale themselves.
Aoide: I would rather impale myself and jump off a bridge.
4) Me: Ach! Thereth thith picureth thath I found an' I dunno wath commin out my mouf' but ith not wordth. *Starts laughing and saying incomprehensable words and can't stop*
Aoide: Yeah, I don't think we'll have a problem with you being the crazy one again.
5) Me: NYEUH NYEUH NEUYH NEUYH NEUYH NYEUH
Aoide: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Just chewing gum. *starts laughing hysterically*
Sister #3: *yells* Someones microwave just beeped!
Me: I eat microwaves for breakfast.
Brother #4: Hey! That would be a really great video game villian. He ate a microwave, and turned radioactive!
Brother #4: And THEN, he could eat a bunch of squirrels, and they'd get microwaved, and when he spits them out he'd have an army of irradiated squirrels. AND, he could spit them out at people, shooting evil squirrels at people.
Thank you for sharing my embarrassing moments with the entire internet, Ocean. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go and try to live down the shame.
I'm going to write this as if it's a play or something, kay?
(enter Claire- that's me!- Claire's mom, and Claire's 4 year old sister Hannah)
(we are setting up our car for a trip to the mountains)
Mom: Claire come here I need you to help me switch out Hannah's carseat
Hannah: (in little kid voice :)) Why are you.... doing that?
Mom: This other carseat is safer. It will give you better protection (she meant, like, all the twisty, turny, rollercoaster-ish, steep, scary, roads in the mountains)
Hannah: (not knowing this, and in a scared and semi-awestruck voice) You mean, like... from BEARS??????
Claire: (dies laughing)
My pleasure, Aoide. But you did tell the "Wuthering Heights Story", so, I had to have my payback. Although, some of the quotes I posted were embarrassing to me.
Me: But... When you first see him... And he's not a girl...
Aoide: He's a clownfish.
Aoide: They can spontaniously change gender!
Aoide: It's a process not found in nature.
Me: YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH GAGA!
Me: *reading off a paper* "But Jimm was already blowed to smitheroons!"
Ahem. Clownfish do not exactly spontaniously change gender. They are all born male, and then one of them in a group turns into a female, and she is the dominant one of the group. If she dies, one of the males will turn into a female to take her place. Not exactly spontanious. ;p But still really weird. Watching Finding Nemo is really weird for me.
Aoide and I both know that, actually, but we were both very hyped up on sugar in the middle of the school day when that happened, so it was just what we happened to say.
(at school, in gym class, sitting on gym floor with various friends while we wait for other people to finish running. BTW, Claire is me)
Megumi: Hey can you guys see my bra thru this teeshirt
Jenna: You can see everyone's bras thru these teeshirts
Claire: I hate that. We should be able to wear any color teeshirt
Jenna: I have a really weird question. Its on topic since we're talking about bras though
Jenna: Okay, so, you know how you just, like, hug guys? Just as friends
(everyone nods and yeahs)
Jenna: Can they feel your boobs when you hug them?
Claire: I had never even thought about that
Charlotte: Next time I hug a guy I am going to think about that!
Claire: Next time I hug a guy I am going to wonder if HE is thinking about that
Megumi: Next time I hug a guy I'm going to ask him
Megumi: I'm going to ask whoever it is if he can feel my boobs when I hug him
Charlotte: But you have small boobs
Megumi: Shut up
Mack(one of our guy friends who we didn't know had come up behind us and heard only the last little bit of the conversation): I knew girls talked about boobs when they thought no one heard them!
That was the crown jewel of all weird conversations. Do you remember how Jordan ran by, then just stoped dead and stared at us mid conversation? Here are two more brilllant quotes.
Ocean: The moon! the moon! Quick, drink the wolfsbane potion!
(Ocean and friend chug an entire container of lemonade)
Ocean: Aoide, you are evil personified.
Me: Hey! For your information, I prefer evil incarnate. It sounds so much more dignified.
Oh dear gosh.
Me: *Reading off paper* "But Jimm was already blowed to smitheroons..."
Jordan: *walking by randomly* What.
Me: It's terribly written fanfiction. SMITHEROONS, JORDAN!
Me: I'll read it. *attempts to read it but is laughing so hard that I can't get a word out*
Jordan: Give it to me. *takes paper and reads it* Is this for real?
Jordan: This is hilarious! "But Jimm was already blowed to--"
Me and Aoide: DON'T SAY IT!
Me and Aoide: *dies*
Aoide, you didn't write the whole thing!
Me: The moon! The moon! Drink the wolfsbane potion!
Me and 3 friends: *stumbles over to lemonade cooler and pours three glasses*
F1: I want to rip someone's face off and make them become a werewolf! Why the heck isn't it working? I DON'T WANT TO RIP PEOPLE'S FACES OFF!
F2: Genny, isn't wolfsbane potion supposed to taste bad?
Me: Yes. WHERE'S REMUS LUPIN WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!?!?
F3: AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHH! This stuff tastes good! Quick! It must be in the other cooler!
All 4 of us: *pours glasses of water and chugs them*
Me: Yay! Now that there's no danger of us killing people or turning them into werewolves, lets go scream at the fish in the lake!
F1, 2, & 3: YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
All of us: *runs to the lake*
You should see me when my blood sugar is low, it's ridiculous. I once spent ten minutes laughing uncontrolably because I couldn't count the fish in the bowl. :p
Me and siblings: *watching the original Star Trek show*
McCoy: ...Medically, he should just get up and walk off...
Me: Except that he has no pulse.
Sister #3: Or a heartbeat.
Everyone else: *slowly turns heads and looks at her blankly*
Oh jeeze, Ocean, I'd almost forgotten he was there! Why did Jordan always turn up when we had the weird recess conversations? Here are two didn't get the chance to tell you about the other day.
Friend 1: When I graduate, I want to beecome a fashion designer in New York.
Friend 2: I want to raise a million cats and be an awesome cat lady.
Me: I just want to see the world.
Friend 3: I don't care what I do for the rest of my life, I just want to spend a day with a rooomful of hot British actors, and I can die happy.
Sister and I in unison: The thumb is strong!
And then this infamous quote:
Sister: Blue fish people?! I WANT TO SEE THE BLUE FISH PEOPLE!
By the way, Aeliss, you do the slow head turn thing too? Cool!
Holy cuppy-cakes, Aoide, maybe the reason I got rejected by Jordan last year was because of his awful timing when we were talking O_o
Dear gosh, the thoughts that must have gone through his head that one time when he found us comparing zelda villans to Lady Gaga and snakes.
I don't think it was rejection, so much as "I would be more comfortable remaining friends for now, thank you." There's always tommorow. =)
Besides, when compared to our class in general, our conversations weren't that strange. Afterall, Jaren did get his entire lower half stuck in a trash can, and Lexus claimed to be related to squirrels.
CALLING ALL INKIES WHO LIKE WEIRD CONVERSATIONS: YOU ARE WITNESSING ONE!
Can you imagine how this looks to other people, Aoide? Haha! Oh, and by the way, I agree with that friend who said the thing about the British actors. Give me David Tennant and Benedict Cumberbatch and I will die happy.
1) Teacher: I don't have anything planned for today, so we're watching The Fellowship of the Ring--
Me: *makes strange high pitched squealing noise*
Aoide: *slow head turn toward me*
Teacher: I take it you like this movie, Genny.
Aoide: A bit too much.
Me: Mr. C, can I be a complete spaz today?
Teacher: Whatever makes you happy.
2) *watching Lord Of The Rings in class*
*Legolas appears on screen*
Aoide: *talking way too loud* And look! It's Genny's husband!
Me: I-- uh--
Legolas: *says line in elvish*
Me: *Starts giggling uncontrolably and slams head down on desk and refuses to look at anyone* Once I've got my head back on, Aoide...
Aoide: You'll kill me, I know, I know.
Everyone else in class: *stares at us*
Teacher: *gives me the weirdest look* You like this movie too much.
3) Mr. K: Say hi to Charlie for me.
Me: Sure. And Mr. Karavlan? Is it true that you broke your leg trying to impress a girl once?
Mr. K: *stares at me for a moment* Charlie told you about that, didn't he?
Mr. K: You know what, on second thought, don't say hi to your brother for me.
Mom: *watching a TV show inwhich she knows the water supply is poisoned*
Character in TV show: *about to drink water*
Mom: *yelling* Don't drink it! Don't drink it! Don't drink it!
*stripper walks on screen*
Mom: DON'T TOUCH IT!