Little Brother: The policeman shot him with a knockout gun and hauled him to jail, hey do you wanna come to my bookstore?
Hey Aoide! As long as you're making me relive moments that I want erased from history:
1) Aoide: *Eats oreo*
Aoide: *Two minutes later* Hey! Where's my oreo?
Me: You ate it!
Aoide: You took it!
2) Aoide: *Lying on floor staring intently at either the ceiling or the TV, I couldn't tell which* Nini, nini! Nini, nini! *Continues saying this for twenty minutes*
3) Teacher: And then in the future, Aoide will marry Jaren, and her grandparents will set up four-foot poles at the wedding so they can impale themselves.
Aoide: I would rather impale myself and jump off a bridge.
4) Me: Ach! Thereth thith picureth thath I found an' I dunno wath commin out my mouf' but ith not wordth. *Starts laughing and saying incomprehensable words and can't stop*
Aoide: Yeah, I don't think we'll have a problem with you being the crazy one again.
5) Me: NYEUH NYEUH NEUYH NEUYH NEUYH NYEUH
Aoide: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Me: Just chewing gum. *starts laughing hysterically*
Sister #3: *yells* Someones microwave just beeped!
Me: I eat microwaves for breakfast.
Brother #4: Hey! That would be a really great video game villian. He ate a microwave, and turned radioactive!
Brother #4: And THEN, he could eat a bunch of squirrels, and they'd get microwaved, and when he spits them out he'd have an army of irradiated squirrels. AND, he could spit them out at people, shooting evil squirrels at people.
I'm going to write this as if it's a play or something, kay?
(enter Claire- that's me!- Claire's mom, and Claire's 4 year old sister Hannah)
(we are setting up our car for a trip to the mountains)
Mom: Claire come here I need you to help me switch out Hannah's carseat
Hannah: (in little kid voice :)) Why are you.... doing that?
Mom: This other carseat is safer. It will give you better protection (she meant, like, all the twisty, turny, rollercoaster-ish, steep, scary, roads in the mountains)
Hannah: (not knowing this, and in a scared and semi-awestruck voice) You mean, like... from BEARS??????
Claire: (dies laughing)
My pleasure, Aoide. But you did tell the "Wuthering Heights Story", so, I had to have my payback. Although, some of the quotes I posted were embarrassing to me.
Me: But... When you first see him... And he's not a girl...
Aoide: He's a clownfish.
Aoide: They can spontaniously change gender!
Aoide: It's a process not found in nature.
Me: YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH GAGA!
Me: *reading off a paper* "But Jimm was already blowed to smitheroons!"
Ahem. Clownfish do not exactly spontaniously change gender. They are all born male, and then one of them in a group turns into a female, and she is the dominant one of the group. If she dies, one of the males will turn into a female to take her place. Not exactly spontanious. ;p But still really weird. Watching Finding Nemo is really weird for me.
Aoide and I both know that, actually, but we were both very hyped up on sugar in the middle of the school day when that happened, so it was just what we happened to say.
(at school, in gym class, sitting on gym floor with various friends while we wait for other people to finish running. BTW, Claire is me)
Megumi: Hey can you guys see my bra thru this teeshirt
Jenna: You can see everyone's bras thru these teeshirts
Claire: I hate that. We should be able to wear any color teeshirt
Jenna: I have a really weird question. Its on topic since we're talking about bras though
Jenna: Okay, so, you know how you just, like, hug guys? Just as friends
(everyone nods and yeahs)
Jenna: Can they feel your boobs when you hug them?
Claire: I had never even thought about that
Charlotte: Next time I hug a guy I am going to think about that!
Claire: Next time I hug a guy I am going to wonder if HE is thinking about that
Megumi: Next time I hug a guy I'm going to ask him
Megumi: I'm going to ask whoever it is if he can feel my boobs when I hug him
Charlotte: But you have small boobs
Megumi: Shut up
Mack(one of our guy friends who we didn't know had come up behind us and heard only the last little bit of the conversation): I knew girls talked about boobs when they thought no one heard them!
Oh dear gosh.
Me: *Reading off paper* "But Jimm was already blowed to smitheroons..."
Jordan: *walking by randomly* What.
Me: It's terribly written fanfiction. SMITHEROONS, JORDAN!
Me: I'll read it. *attempts to read it but is laughing so hard that I can't get a word out*
Jordan: Give it to me. *takes paper and reads it* Is this for real?
Jordan: This is hilarious! "But Jimm was already blowed to--"
Me and Aoide: DON'T SAY IT!
Me and Aoide: *dies*
Aoide, you didn't write the whole thing!
Me: The moon! The moon! Drink the wolfsbane potion!
Me and 3 friends: *stumbles over to lemonade cooler and pours three glasses*
F1: I want to rip someone's face off and make them become a werewolf! Why the heck isn't it working? I DON'T WANT TO RIP PEOPLE'S FACES OFF!
F2: Genny, isn't wolfsbane potion supposed to taste bad?
Me: Yes. WHERE'S REMUS LUPIN WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!?!?
F3: AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHH! This stuff tastes good! Quick! It must be in the other cooler!
All 4 of us: *pours glasses of water and chugs them*
Me: Yay! Now that there's no danger of us killing people or turning them into werewolves, lets go scream at the fish in the lake!
F1, 2, & 3: YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
All of us: *runs to the lake*
You should see me when my blood sugar is low, it's ridiculous. I once spent ten minutes laughing uncontrolably because I couldn't count the fish in the bowl. :p
Me and siblings: *watching the original Star Trek show*
McCoy: ...Medically, he should just get up and walk off...
Me: Except that he has no pulse.
Sister #3: Or a heartbeat.
Everyone else: *slowly turns heads and looks at her blankly*
Holy cuppy-cakes, Aoide, maybe the reason I got rejected by Jordan last year was because of his awful timing when we were talking O_o
Dear gosh, the thoughts that must have gone through his head that one time when he found us comparing zelda villans to Lady Gaga and snakes.
CALLING ALL INKIES WHO LIKE WEIRD CONVERSATIONS: YOU ARE WITNESSING ONE!
Can you imagine how this looks to other people, Aoide? Haha! Oh, and by the way, I agree with that friend who said the thing about the British actors. Give me David Tennant and Benedict Cumberbatch and I will die happy.
1) Teacher: I don't have anything planned for today, so we're watching The Fellowship of the Ring--
Me: *makes strange high pitched squealing noise*
Aoide: *slow head turn toward me*
Teacher: I take it you like this movie, Genny.
Aoide: A bit too much.
Me: Mr. C, can I be a complete spaz today?
Teacher: Whatever makes you happy.
2) *watching Lord Of The Rings in class*
*Legolas appears on screen*
Aoide: *talking way too loud* And look! It's Genny's husband!
Me: I-- uh--
Legolas: *says line in elvish*
Me: *Starts giggling uncontrolably and slams head down on desk and refuses to look at anyone* Once I've got my head back on, Aoide...
Aoide: You'll kill me, I know, I know.
Everyone else in class: *stares at us*
Teacher: *gives me the weirdest look* You like this movie too much.
3) Mr. K: Say hi to Charlie for me.
Me: Sure. And Mr. Karavlan? Is it true that you broke your leg trying to impress a girl once?
Mr. K: *stares at me for a moment* Charlie told you about that, didn't he?
Mr. K: You know what, on second thought, don't say hi to your brother for me.
Mom: *watching a TV show inwhich she knows the water supply is poisoned*
Character in TV show: *about to drink water*
Mom: *yelling* Don't drink it! Don't drink it! Don't drink it!
*stripper walks on screen*
Mom: DON'T TOUCH IT!
Yesterday, at lunch with my father and brother, celebrating my birthday.
Me: I've just been playing Dark Souls.
Brother: Oh, right. Hey, there's a game where you steal people's souls.
Me: You don't steal people's souls...You just take them... -_-''
Brother: Yeah, in self-defense, right?
Me: Yeah, they attacked first so I took their souls.
Brother: Because you had no other options, of course.
Father: *cracking up.*
Me: S-Shut up ._.
Mammy and I: *Watching murder mystery where murderer is crazy poisoner*
Daddy: *comes in with two glasses of wine and gives one to mammy* Goodbye
Me: *slow head turn toward him with horrified look*
Daddy: Er-- I mean "goodnight".
Mammy and I: *Look at wine, look at each other, look at tv*
Me: DON'T DRINK IT MAM!
Mammy: I'm not drinking this.
Brother #5: *looks at watch* It's 4:10.
Sister #3: *looks at her watch* 4:12.
Sister #3: I like Foobles.
Me: I said froggies.
Sister #3: Oh.
Brother #5: I'm not a pretty bird.
Brother #4 and I: *in the kitchen, making tea*
Brother #4: *dumps the rest of the sugar container into his cup* Haha, no more sugar.
Me: I wasn't going to use it.
Brother #4: Oh. I was really hoping you were going to.
Me: Speaking of which, Soy Sauce.
Brother #4: High point of everyone's day.
Me: Uh-huh. *leaves the room*
Sister #2: ...And she just leaves.
Brother #4: It's the doom of the universe, a vessel of evil.
Me: It's a mushroom.
Brother #4: We must destroy this foul thing before it destroys us.
Sister #3: *runs over* FIRE!!
Brother #4: You can't kill it with something like fire, it's-
Me: *cuts in* It has anti-inflamitory mushroom juices!
Brother #4: Good for the digestion. But it will still kill you.
Sister #3: Maybe it's just a mushroom.
Brother #4 *takes one lick* Nope, definately the doom of us all.