Teen Ink on Twitter
Me: *tosses a couple of tennis balls agains the wall*
Allen: Keep those things to yourself!
Me: *gets hit in the forehead by one* Dam.n it.
Allen: *grins* Thank you.
Me: *tosses a couple of tennis ba.lls against a wall*
Allen: Keep those things to yourself!
Me: *hits self in forehead with one* Da.mn it.
Allen: *grins* Thank you
Me: *wondering whether lazers really do bounce off of things* *points lazer pointer at window*
Lazer: *bounces off and hits me in the eye*
Me: -.O (in my defense, this was years ago...)
(Your stories are better XD)
(I've got more family members to make funny stories. :p)
Me: *cutting a piece of plastic wrap*
Mom: *to Sister #1* Olivia wants to get her ears pierced, but after she cut her thumbs with the pumpkin can, I'm not sure we want to put more holes in her.
Me: *cuts thumb on the blade on the plastic wrap*
Thumb: *starts gushing blood*
Me: I can't believe he won.
Mom: I know...
Stepdad: Four more years of Obama
Sister: What state is he the president of again?
Sister #3: What do Yetis smell like?
Me: Hair, dirt, wet dog, Yeti poo.
Sister #3: What does Yeti poo smell like?
Me: I'm quoting that on the internet later.
Dad: Last night I had a horrible nightmare. I was Justin Beiber's father. I was preparing to have some father counseling with him, because I had to tell him what a dork he was. Me:...for real? Dad: yup. I was like "Son...you are a loser. You don't know it but you are. You are one of the most famous losers ever, but you're a loser."
((This was just a minute ago))
Saint (my computer): *crashes*
Me: *restarts it*
Brother #4: Isn't your show about to start anyway?
Me: Yeah, but it would be rude to leave without saying so first. I can't just leave my internet buddies hanging.
Brother #4: Yeah, at least tighten the noose first.
Me: If you make that joke one more time, I will hurt you.
My friend: *several hours later--going back to class after lunch* Genny, open the door!
Me: I told you eight times that it's LOCKED!
My friend: Open the door!
Me: THOMAS, I WILL KILL YOU IF--
My friend: Get on the floor!
Me: I will destroy you!
My friend: EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR!
My friend: High five!
Me: I will high five you in the face with a brick if you do that again.
At my dance showcase rehearsal today, three of the little kids in my class were playing would you rather backstage.
1st person: Would you rather have hot chocolate coming out of your belly button every second of every day or eat a million bowls of snot?
Me: *Laughing my head off*
2nd person: Hot chocolate.
Me: *Laughs even harder and starts crying because I'm laugh so hard*
Me: You should make me shoot a gun.
Boyfriend: You should make me read a book.
"Everytime you talk, I can feel my brain cells commit suicide."- Sir Hammerlock, Borderlands 2
I'm the oldest in my dance class, and after the showcase last year I was getting changed, and this happened:
Little girl #1: She's wearing an actual br.a!
Little girl #2: Of course she is! She has actual boo.bs!
Me: Goodness gracious, all I do is try to change and you guys immediatly start talking about my boo.bs!
Crush: *walks by*
Me: Quick, shoot me in the face!
Friend 1: What? No! What happened?"
Friend 2: He walked by.
Me: Shut up, both of you! Shh!
F1: What is wrong with you?
Me: I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY EMOTIONS ARE DOING!
Cricket (a cat): *stares at pot of noisily bubbling stew* *freaking out a little bit*
Me: The cat's going crazy at the pot.
Brother #4: I go crazy around pot, too.
lol that first one was funny, hey Aeliss!!!!! do u remember me??? It's Heather!!!!! *huggles* Im checking in, but I need to study today... I'll leave a quoted conversation though... hmmm...
My sister: Ok, say (to the camera) 'Im in Pennsylvania'
Me: I AM?????
My sister: Haha, yeah we're in Pennsylvania right now
Me: :O 'When did this happen!?' lol thats the best thing I could think of that happened recently... that was winter break.. okay g2g :( byeeeeeeeeeeeee
I remember you! *hug tackles*
This is copied out of an IM chat with Brother #4 (Garyn Dakari) and two of his friends from a different site.
Oliver would be me, as I got magically gender reversed in the conversation.
Garyn Dakari: Hey Ty, you know how to use the forum search,right?
9:50 PM - Taylor: sorta, yeah... why?
9:50 PM - Oliver: Hehehe...
9:51 PM - Garyn Dakari: I found a really fun forum game last night
9:51 PM - Taylor: oh?
9:51 PM - Garyn Dakari: Search the forums, set it to "posts", not "threads", and search the phrase... "Chris blinks in confusion"
9:51 PM - Krystal: *Slides over and puts an arm around Taylor*
Who said I can't think?
9:52 PM - Oliver: You're too busy blinking to think
9:52 PM - Taylor: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
9:52 PM - Garyn Dakari: You've got at least 3 pages of blinking, Chris
9:52 PM - Oliver: Only three?
I guess I'll have to work on that.
9:53 PM - Oliver: I once went over six minutes without blinking
9:53 PM - Oliver: It was amazing
9:53 PM - Taylor: ...
9:53 PM - Garyn Dakari: Chris once went over six seconds without blinking
9:53 PM - Oliver: I've never been able to do it again
9:53 PM - Garyn Dakari: It was amazing
Sis: Your face is funny.
Me: Go take a short walk off a--
Mom: Ooh, you're in trouble...
Me: Off a shorter pier. I was gonna say, GO TAKE A SHORT WALK OFF A SHORTER PIER.
Me: Eww. Why are you buying tuna?
Mom: It's for Daddy. And you can use the cans for your science experiment.
Me: Gross. Cat food.
Little Brother: Why are you buying cat food?
Me: It's tuna. For Daddy.
Little Brother: Oh. But Daddy can't eat it! He's allergic to cats!