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Funny/weird conversations/quotes

Jan. 13, 2013 at 12:48 pm

Sister #2: *makes identical PB&J sandwiches for her, me Brother #4 and Sister #3*
 
Me: *comes up to counter where they're all lined up* *takes a bite out of one*
 
Sister #2: Hey, that one's not yours!
 
Me: Oh. *takes a bite out of the next one*
 
Sister #2: Stop that! That one is mine!
 
Me: Oh. *goes to the next one and takes a bite*
 
Sister #2: [Loudly insert brother #4's name here]!!! Make her eat her own!
 
Brother #4: *comes in and watches us*
 
Me: Well, which one is mine?
 
Sister #2: The only one you haven't eaten yet.
 
Me: Oh. *takes the last one and eats it* You could have just said that.

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Jan. 27, 2013 at 4:19 pm

I wasn't, my sister was. It was lunchtime.
___________________________________
 
Me and Sister #2: *watching Elementary*
 
Sherlock: A pig's orga.sm lasts thirty minutes.
 
Me: *throws up hand and yells* I KNEW THAT!!!!
 
Sister #2: *slowly turns head to stare at me* O_O
 
Me:....Don't ask how.

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Jan. 27, 2013 at 9:56 pm

Rusty: *Barges in with ominous paper bag* Guess who just spent two hundred bucks on fire works? This guy! *Silence*
---------------------------------------------------------
Paddy: Hey, can I keep my stash here while I go on a hunting trip this weekend? *Proceeds to place a box on my table, takes out a bong, a pistol, multiple hunting knives, a set of brass knuckles, and other generally weird things to have lying around* 
Little sis: *Picks up pistol*
Paddy: Oh, don't touch that. Play with this instead. *Takes gun and gives her a lighter* 
Me: The day you reproduce will be a sad day for the universe...

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:17 pm

Me and Brother #4: *waiting for Dad, Sisters #2 & 3, and Brother #5 to come home with Chinese food*
 
Brother #4: I hear a car.
 
Me: I see headlights. *turns off all of the lights in the house*
 
Brother #4: I'll pretend like I'm not here. *hides on the couch*
 
Me: I'll pretend like I'm...dead. *collapses on floor*

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:20 pm

Me: I'm so prooud of myself.
 
Allen: Why?
 
Me: I know how to cook my own food, do my own laundry, wash my own dishes, and clean up after people!
 
Allen: Yes, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful wife someday.

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:23 pm

((My dad didn't even learn how to use the microwave properly until he was almost 19.))
 
Me: *to Sister #3* Go away so this guy can break my neck.

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:29 pm

Me: I wrestled a bear once *winks*
 
Danielle: Ha, it's a band.
 
Allen: *simultaneously* That explains your face.
 
*awkward pause*
 
Aly: Sorry, that was not funny.
 
Danielle: Agreed.
 
Me: Umm... I, uhh, wrestled a bear once?

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Sister #3: *talking and talking and talking and talking and talking*
 
Me: Ahem.
 
Sister #3: What?
 
Me: Don't panic.
 
Sister #3: Why?
 
Me: Look down.
 
Sister #3: *looks down at the thousands of hornets literally covering her pants* *runs 3 acres*

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:36 pm

"Sticks and stones may break your bones... but a fifty-foot fall will kill y'all."

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:40 pm

Brother #1: Don't pee on an electric fence.

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:42 pm

Me: Hey, Aly.
Aly: What?
Me: Hey, Aly.
Aly: I'm not doing this.
Me: HEy, Aly?
Aly: *sighs* Yes, Zech?
Me: I forgot.
Aly: -_-

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Me and Brother #4: *playing Uncharted 3 coop*
 
Brother #4: Need assistance?
 
Nathan Drake (my character in the game): No time like the present.

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:48 pm

Me: *tosses a couple of tennis balls agains the wall*
Allen: Keep those things to yourself!
Me: *gets hit in the forehead by one* Dam.n it.
Allen: *grins* Thank you.

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:50 pm

Me: *tosses a couple of tennis ba.lls against a wall*
Allen: Keep those things to yourself!
Me: *hits self in forehead with one* Da.mn it.
Allen: *grins* Thank you

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Me: *wondering whether lazers really do bounce off of things* *points lazer pointer at window*
 
Lazer: *bounces off and hits me in the eye*
 
Me: -.O (in my defense, this was years ago...)

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:55 pm

(Your stories are better XD)

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Feb. 23, 2013 at 10:59 pm

(I've got more family members to make funny stories. :p)
 
Me: *cutting a piece of plastic wrap*
 
Mom: *to Sister #1* Olivia wants to get her ears pierced, but after she cut her thumbs with the pumpkin can, I'm not sure we want to put more holes in her.
 
Me: *cuts thumb on the blade on the plastic wrap*
 
Thumb: *starts gushing blood*
 
Me: ....

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Fang. replied...
Feb. 23, 2013 at 11:01 pm

Me: I can't believe he won.
Mom: I know...
Stepdad: Four more years of Obama
Sister: What state is he the president of again?

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Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Sister #3: What do Yetis smell like?
 
Me: Hair, dirt, wet dog, Yeti poo.
 
Sister #3: What does Yeti poo smell like?
 
Me: I'm quoting that on the internet later.

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Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Dad: Last night I had a horrible nightmare. I was Justin Beiber's father. I was preparing to have some father counseling with him, because I had to tell him what a dork he was. Me:...for real? Dad: yup. I was like "Son...you are a loser. You don't know it but you are. You are one of the most famous losers ever, but you're a loser."

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