This just happened to day! We were doing that thing where you have a list of your classmates names and you write something down for each of them (ex: Most likely to succeed, etc).
Teacher: Okay, Emily K. ... Most likely to be a teacher, best outfits, most likely...to be...kicked in the face...
Entire class: WHAT?!?!
Teacher: Allright... Genny... Geekiest, most likely to have a career in music, most likely to move to Ireland, most likely to reference Doctor Who or Lord of the Rings, most likely to watch shows I've never heard of, most likely to marry Sherlock Holmes...
Me: (jumps up) YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Me: *calls my Dad's cell*
Phone: *plays Dad's voice mail*
Me: Hello, this is Olivia. Mom says we need cat food-"
Phone: *starts playing an automated female voice*
Me: ..................Uuuuuuum..........We need cat food...........so, if you could get some before coming home.......................................................................................................Yeah...........that would be nice or something...........bye.
Stupidest phone message I've ever left. WHY CAN'T IT JUST START RECORDING IMMEDIATELY?! :O
Brother #4: *walks in and looks at me suspiciously* What have you been smoking?
Me: I don't know, but it stinks.
Brother #4: *sends me a link to a song about zombies*
Brother #4: I didn't like that song at first, but it's kinda grown on me
Me: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Brother #4: >:D
Me: You're sooo funny.
Brother #4: And yes, that's the only reason I sent you that video. To make that pun. I've been waiting all day.
(My entire family are fans of Sherlock, including me)
Me: The inside of my ring is shiny.
Brother: Then it must be regularly removed. YOU ARE A SERIAL ADULTURER!
Mam: It's not a wedding ring.
Brother: (takes ring)
Me: It's a faith ring.
Brother: Then you must be a SERIAL SATANIST!
Me: Or maybe I take it off to wash my hands.
Brother: GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU DEMON!
Sister #2: *makes identical PB&J sandwiches for her, me Brother #4 and Sister #3*
Me: *comes up to counter where they're all lined up* *takes a bite out of one*
Sister #2: Hey, that one's not yours!
Me: Oh. *takes a bite out of the next one*
Sister #2: Stop that! That one is mine!
Me: Oh. *goes to the next one and takes a bite*
Sister #2: [Loudly insert brother #4's name here]!!! Make her eat her own!
Brother #4: *comes in and watches us*
Me: Well, which one is mine?
Sister #2: The only one you haven't eaten yet.
Me: Oh. *takes the last one and eats it* You could have just said that.
Hahaha! Why were you making PB&J for everyone anyway?
Me: Annette, please don't make us jazz run today. Please, please don't. I know that because you're drum major it's your decision, but please don't.
Annette: What do you have against jazz running?
Lexi: It's because she looks like this when she jazz runs. (does very accurite impression of me jazz running in which she leans forward, sticks her bum out, and does little hops while she runs)
Me: Pretty much.
Annette: (Dies of laughter)
Lexi: (Dies of laughter)
Random people watching: (Dies of Laughter)
Me: I'm sorry, but when you're barely five feet tall with short legs, marching a two-to-five stride is not very easy.
I wasn't, my sister was. It was lunchtime.
Me and Sister #2: *watching Elementary*
Sherlock: A pig's orga.sm lasts thirty minutes.
Me: *throws up hand and yells* I KNEW THAT!!!!
Sister #2: *slowly turns head to stare at me* O_O
Me:....Don't ask how.
Me, Charlie, and Mammy: *Watching TV*
*Commercial with Nicki Minaj comes on*
Mammy: WHAT is THAT?!?!?!?!?
Charlie: *Dies laughing*
Me: I seriously love you so much right now Mammy. You are the greatest.
Mammy: What did I do?
Me and Charlie: *Start laughing even harder*
Rusty: *Barges in with ominous paper bag* Guess who just spent two hundred bucks on fire works? This guy! *Silence*
Paddy: Hey, can I keep my stash here while I go on a hunting trip this weekend? *Proceeds to place a box on my table, takes out a bong, a pistol, multiple hunting knives, a set of brass knuckles, and other generally weird things to have lying around*
Little sis: *Picks up pistol*
Paddy: Oh, don't touch that. Play with this instead. *Takes gun and gives her a lighter*
Me: The day you reproduce will be a sad day for the universe...
*During football game; in the marching band section*
Me, Friend 1, and Friend 2: *Singing Teen Titans theme* .....From their tower they can see it AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL! TEEN TITANS!
Random sax player: What... are you three doing?
Me: Singing the Teen Titans theme.
Sax Player: May I ask.... why?
Friend 1: Because.
Sax player: *facepalm*
Me and Brother #4: *waiting for Dad, Sisters #2 & 3, and Brother #5 to come home with Chinese food*
Brother #4: I hear a car.
Me: I see headlights. *turns off all of the lights in the house*
Brother #4: I'll pretend like I'm not here. *hides on the couch*
Me: I'll pretend like I'm...dead. *collapses on floor*
Me: I'm so prooud of myself.
Me: I know how to cook my own food, do my own laundry, wash my own dishes, and clean up after people!
Allen: Yes, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful wife someday.
((My dad didn't even learn how to use the microwave properly until he was almost 19.))
Me: *to Sister #3* Go away so this guy can break my neck.
Me: I wrestled a bear once *winks*
Danielle: Ha, it's a band.
Allen: *simultaneously* That explains your face.
Aly: Sorry, that was not funny.
Me: Umm... I, uhh, wrestled a bear once?
Sister #3: *talking and talking and talking and talking and talking*
Sister #3: What?
Me: Don't panic.
Sister #3: Why?
Me: Look down.
Sister #3: *looks down at the thousands of hornets literally covering her pants* *runs 3 acres*
"Sticks and stones may break your bones... but a fifty-foot fall will kill y'all."
Brother #1: Don't pee on an electric fence.
Me: Hey, Aly.
Me: Hey, Aly.
Aly: I'm not doing this.
Me: HEy, Aly?
Aly: *sighs* Yes, Zech?
Me: I forgot.
Me and Brother #4: *playing Uncharted 3 coop*
Brother #4: Need assistance?
Nathan Drake (my character in the game): No time like the present.