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The End of a Legacy. (Christian Sci-fi novel)

Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Aug. 11, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Hey guys! I've been working on a story for a little while now, and I figured it'd work better with a collab. When it's done, I'll gather up all of the story from the comments, and paste it into a word doc, where I will then edit it slightly, and use a spell-checker. I'm only letting a maximum of two people work on this with me. If you have something to say that's NOT part of the story line, please use parentheses! If you have any questions, put it in parentheses, and I'll answer it as soon as possible. Here's the summary:
 
 
 
Two boys (Thomas and Drake) and a girl (Fauna) are the only survivors after all the believers are killed for standing up for their beliefs. They have to dodge people left and right who are after their lives for what they stand for. Their mission is to spread the word about Jesus before it's too late. The only things they have are their faith in God, and each other. They have to learn to trust God, and believe that his way is the best way to go.

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 12, 2013 at 6:36 pm

(Okay, no one's agreed to help me yet, so I'll go on and write the start. Oh and I forgot to mention this, but please try to use good grammar and spelling. I know everyone makes mistakes, but it would be easier on me in the editing process. Thanks!)

Thomas walked up the church steps in tears. Everyone was gone. He knew he wasn't completely alone, having Fauna and Drake right next to him, but he still felt scared and lonely. If God is always with us why couldn't he protect my parents? Thomas thought sadly. He thought about a question that'd been lingering for a while now. It's my turn. What am I supposed to do? How can a fourteen-year-old fulfill his parent's legacy? How am I supposed to save a nation?  At least he knew God hadn't left him. Thomas didn't know what he would do if God ever left him. He opened the church doors and closed his umbrella. Since Drake was the oldest at fifteen, he led the funeral. He didn't bother with trying to address each individual, since there were so many. Fauna and Thomas sat down on the first row. It seemed odd, even in this time of such dispair, to sit in a church this empty. None of them liked it. Thomas, who usually hated the old hymns, would've loved to hear Amazing Grace right now, just to hear his parents' voices. Drake ended the service earlier than a real pastor would have, but they didn't mind. Fauna probably would've dehydrated from the tears if he'd gone on longer. Their parent's had gone just as mine had. At least we know they're in Heaven, Thomas thought, managing a slight smile. It soon evaporated again, thinking of how they'd died. It was an angry mob. The people it consisted of had grown tired for hearing them talk about Jesus, and thought it wrong. They'd confronted them and asked them to stop, but when the followers of God said no, they attacked. The only reason the other three were alive was because they hadn't been with the group. They'd been hanging out at Drake's house playing video games and listening to music while they waited on their parent's to get back. It was only when they saw the news online the next day that they realized what happened.

(That's all for now. If you have any thoughts on how to make it better, please tell me! We aren't alone, but we're trying to save a nation too, so I want this to be the best it can be.)

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LexusMarie replied...
Aug. 12, 2013 at 9:55 pm

(Hey! So, I don't know if you've seen my response yet to my forum, but I'd love to help you. So, before I begin adding things I just wanted to say some stuff! I think it's off to a great start, but I do think we should add a little more detail about the attack, which I'm sure you will.. I didn't know if you wanted to do that now or get into it later? Secondly, I don't know if you know them, but None0 is REALLY talented when it comes to novels and I think when we get to a certain point in the novel we should ask them to take a look and see what we could work on. They were a great help on the novel I worked on with Andy. I'd say we could ask them to help write this, but they are working on at least two novels, so it'd be best to just get some feedback every now and then:) And also, I don't know if you've seen The Book of Eli, but it's one of my favorite movies. And this story really reminded me of that. If you've seen it, we could use that as some inspiration, and if you haven't, I really suggest watching it:) Last thing, sorry about all this writing, are you wanting to be subtle with this? Or at times do you think you'll get a bit 'harsh' (for lack of a better word) as far as violence. It's your story so that's completely up to you.. I just know sometimes people stay away from that in stories and others people don't. I just feel that with so much controversy on religion and things, that brutal fights will break out at some point in the story! So, that's all for now! I look forward to writing with ya:) You're so kind and you're a great writer!)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 11:14 am

(Thanks Lexus! Okay I just read your post on your forum, and you asked what your part would be in the story. I'm new at this, so I might not be doing it right, but I was asking if you'd help me write it. If you don't have time to help write it, or if you're working on something else, I totally understand. I just wanted to clear that up. I haven't seen the movie you were talking about, but I can look it up on Wikipedia and get the gist of it. Yes, I was kinda thinking about a fight or two breaking out, but I'm not going to do anything really gory. I was thinking more along the lines of how Stephen got stoned in Acts. It was Acts 7:54-60 if you wanted to read it. Oh and I'm going to include some bible stories and verses, so it'll take a little research. Sorry if this sounds like I'm trying to talk you out of it, I just want to be up front with you so you know what you're getting yourself into! You also asked me if I know None, and the answer is yes! That's a great idea to ask him to look at it. I'll definitely remember to ask him! Okay, the you said we could add more detail about how everyone died. I wrote that they weren't there, and I figured the news wouldn't have told them everything, so I was going to work it into the rest of the story. I think I answered all your questions, just tell me if I didn't. Thank you for the complement too, Lexus! I'm glad someone likes my writing! I'm looking forward to working with you!)

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LexusMarie replied...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 12:03 pm

(Okay! Yes, you answered all of my questions! Thank you, thank you! I'm not working on anything else, so I'll be able to help you with it. The only thing is that school starts tomorrow, so I won't be able to get on during the day like I have been, it'll have to be in the afternoon! But, as long as that works for you, we should be able to get started. And you're looking for one other person to help write this, right?)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 2:49 pm

(Sure! I completely understand about the school thing! And I'm not expecting you to be on every single day, unless you want to be. Yes I am waiting on another person. I just told nelehjr where it was, and she should be on here soon enough. You know, I realized yesterday that I didn't even think to tell you guys what the title of it was! I couldn't beleive I'd forgotten THAT!)

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LexusMarie replied...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 7:16 pm

(Great, it'll be fun! I try to get on everyday but sometimes it just doesn't happen, haha. Nele is great, really nice! And I was assuming the title is The End of a Legacy. Haha.)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 7:35 pm

(Great! I'm glad you like her, 'cuz it wouldn't be too great if you didn't! She'll be here sooner or later. ;D )

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 15, 2013 at 2:34 pm

(Okay, I've been thinking about what I wrote, and I realized the mob thing won't work as well as the government would. Any ideas on how to swap it and not change the story?)

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LexusMarie replied...
Aug. 16, 2013 at 7:07 pm

(Well, of course when talking about the goverment instead of the public, you'll need to include laws. So, just take out the angry mob part and say the goverment stepped in because they felt that their parents had violated some reliqious laws.)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 16, 2013 at 8:36 pm

(Thanks! I'll rewrite it in a minute.)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 16, 2013 at 9:50 pm

(Okay, I changed a little at the first of it too, so I'm going to post the whole thing again.)

Thomas walked up the church steps in tears. Everyone was gone. He knew he wasn't completely alone, having Fauna and Drake right next to him, but he still felt scared and lonely. If God is always with us why couldn't he protect my parents? Thomas thought sadly. He thought about a lingering question. It's my turn now. What am I supposed to do? How can a fourteen-year-old fulfill his parent's legacy? How am I supposed to save a nation?  At least he knew God hadn't left him. He would've completely fallen apart if God had deserted him in his greatest time of need. He opened the church doors and closed his umbrella. Since Drake was the oldest at fifteen, he led the funeral. He didn't bother with trying to address each individual, since there were so many. Fauna and Thomas sat down on the first row. It seemed odd, even in this time of such dispair, to sit in a church this empty. None of them liked it. Thomas, who usually hated the old hymns, would've loved to hear Amazing Grace right now, just to hear his parents' voices. Drake ended the service earlier than a real pastor would have, but they didn't mind. Fauna probably would've dehydrated from the tears if he'd gone on longer. Their parent's had gone just as mine had. At least we know they're in Heaven, Thomas thought, managing a slight smile. It soon evaporated again, thinking of how they'd died. The government had killed them. The governments of the world had agreed on a new law that spread worldwide. They'd found a way to make it illegal to worship God. His small town hadn't been the only mass-murder area. Many people, spanning the globe, had been killed in one night. They'd been shot, hung, and much more, but the kids didn't really know what happened to their parents. They'd found out the next day from a vague reporter in the online news column. The only reason they were still alive was because they hadn't been with the group the night they'd decided to take a stand. All the believers, from every nearby denomination, had been singing praises in the streets while the kids were home playing video games. Thomas wished now that he could turn back time.

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 3:32 pm

(Hey again Lexus! Okay, so I was wondering, do you think this would work better with an alternating POV? Like swap between the characters' perspectives?)

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LexusMarie replied...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:02 pm

( Hey! OH MY GOODNESS! SUPERHERO! SO SO SORRY! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS. SJFHJDGH. I DON'T HAVE THIS SET-UP TO RECIEVE E-MAILS, so when I reply to a comment or a forum it's because I went and checked myself, so I don't get notifications for this or anything. Jeeze, I feel awful! I PROMISE to get on and check this, with school just starting a week ago I have been so busy! Wow, I am so mad at myself. Where's nele, btw? Is she not joining? And I think that could be interesting, we'll just have to watch how we do it, because with alternatng POV's it can get really confusing. But, I think it'd be fun! Once again, so sorry! I hope you're doing well. Talk to you soon:) )

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:11 pm

(That's fine Lexus! I totally understand! And I'm not really sure where nele is. I've asked her and the first time she replied with 'please give me a link to it, I'm  too lazy to look for it', and the second time she didn't respond. So I'm not sure if she's in or out. I agree, altenating POV's would be difficult, but I thought it might be more interesting than Thomas being the only character. I'll go ask nele again right now! How's school going?)

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LexusMarie replied...
Aug. 27, 2013 at 6:26 pm

( School is going really well. I love my highschool! I just hate all the walking, seriously, I have to walk to the third floor, across campus, to the third floor, second, second, third, across campus AGAIN, and second. Wah.  My honors classes are crazy, three hours worth of homework just for history!? But, hey, people are nice so I enjoy it. And when do you start school? )  

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 1, 2013 at 4:38 pm

(I've already started school. I don't have to walk, I'm homeschooled! I'm glad your school is going okay, sorry for all the homework, and congratulations on the honors classes!)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 2, 2013 at 4:24 pm

(Hey again Lexus! 'Kay, I just found out Nele doesn't want to do the collab. So we can either recruit some other unsuspecting victim to help, or we can just do it together. I'm fine with either. It's your choice. No pressure. ;) )

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LexusMarie replied...
Sept. 3, 2013 at 6:26 pm

(Heeeey! It's your story, silly, so you pick. Would you prefer it just be you and I, or would you like someone else to join? You choose!)

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Superhero_FanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 3, 2013 at 6:40 pm

(I'm finding this very hard pretending to be annoyed. :) Uh, if you're okay with doing it together I guess we can do it just the two of us. It would be kinda hard trying to find someone who's a good writer and a christian. ;) Since we don't have three people, we can swap up with the different POVs. And if you have a better idea for the names I can swap them. I guess we can finally start then!)

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