(('I scramble to take the book back.' Sorry. Messed that up. Not hurry to pick it up. Grrr))
((Its fine! haha I am going to have to go after this. I'm really sorry for my sporadic posts and not being on a lot. ))
"I won't tell anyone," I say, "but I would love to read some of it sometime. It looked really good." I smile again, "I wish I could do something artsy and creative like that, all I do is smile and pretend to be an idiot." I try to laugh at my own joke but the sad reality of it sobers my mood as I realize that it is completely true.
"So, can I walk you back to your dorm? We could go somewhere after that if you want." I resist the urge to say, 'I want to.' and instead get off the desk and try to smile at Kit.
"I might let you sometime." I say, then wonder... pretend to be stupid? is that why Lexi made such a deal out of the 100 rooms being his classes?
"Yes, then we can go get some artificial fresh air." I say with a joking smile. I start out of the room making sure he is following. I bite my lip to refrain from saying something stupid.
As we reach my dorm I quickly enter and toss my book onto my bed. Then head back out again, for as I walk along side him, I am longing to hold his hand.
While I was in my room I sent a message to Jonathan then deleted our entire conversation. He would reply soon. I had his contact set up with the picture and his name as 'Jonny<3' I wished I didn't do it suddenly. That I should just turn my phone off and forget about it. Though I can't. I had to go through with it.
"You can call me that, Kitty, if you want. If no one is around." I say with a slight smile, I don't bother to add the please call me Kitty, because I'd love to hear you call me that cute little name. Though, that is exactly what I was thinking. This part actually had nothing to do with my plan. It infant may hurt it, but I can't help myself.
I longed to hear him refer to me sweetly and take my hand into his as he kissed my cheek lightly telling me sweet nothing's as he missed me dearly for the hours he had not laid eyes upon me. Oh how I wished for that! Though it must not be meant to be, go he would not give me that.
"Haha, sure." I say light heartedly in reply to Kit's comment about a nickname, I smile at her and shove my hands into my pockets. As we walk down the hall, I glance over at Kit and wonder what she is thinking at this exact moment. People are walking through the hall, milling about and gossiping. I pass one clump of girls and hear the very distinct word, 'Austin' followed by a whisper and giggle. I try to ignore it and continue on.
The next group of girls I pass suddenly get really quiet as Kit and I walk by, then as soon as we are passed they break into a corus of giggles and snickers. I turn to Kit and try to pretend I don't notice that all the eyes are following us down the hall.
"So, what do you do in your free time?" I ask, then add in a low whisper, "besides write poety?" My smile is forced as I hear some one cat call.
"Do you like arts and other forbidden things?" I ask, trying to sound casual.
"I like cats. Always have" I say in a whisper. I notice several girls giggling and watching us. I knew why they got so quite, they were wondering what I was doing with him when I have a boyfriend. I smiled at the thought. "What about you?" I looke over at him sweetly, there are several forbidden things I wouldn't mind.
I laugh softly at her mention of cats.
"Uh, I like reading and thinking mostly. Both seem to be very useful but this stupid school is doing its best to crush thinking out of everyone and reading is well, you know, frowned upon unless it is Latent History reading which is frankly quite boring." I say to her, "I also and really interested in the Giants but that is also not seem as wise." I look over at Kit for approval.
The girls are still giggling away as we get futher and futher from the hall the packs of them seem to thin out a bit. I realize that me walking with any girl other than Lexi must seem scandalous since most of the girls probably don't know that I broke up with Lexi only a few hours ago. I wonder for a moment how long it will take Lex to get a new boyfriend. Will she replace in a matter of hours or will she be really hurt and stretch it out to days. Then a thought crosses my mind, does Kit have a boyfriend? I wonder suddenly if I kissed someone who has a boyfriend. That would not be good. And I really like Kit so I kind of hope she doesn't have one. Its a selfish thought, if she is in a relationship of course I will be happy for her, but still I secretly hope she doesn't.
I smile, "reading is nice, though its more fun when you write it yourself." I say then look at my hands. I can't help but smile around him, as stupid as it is. "Who says that all our choices must be wise? I think that we should have a bit of fun every now and then." I felt bad again for what I was about to do, though now there really wasn't any backing out. We walk to a fake garden like place with plastic latent sized flowers. The place is empty and I take a seat on the bench. "Those girls will be having a gossip fest about... Now." I joke, though it was the truth. I look back at my hands again. I wonder if he even cared if I had a boyfriend....
"I can imagine writing would be fun, though I can't say I have ever had to knack for it." I say with a grin at my own lack of that particular talent, "I live my life having fun, breaking rules, not caring. My life philosophy is to do whatever makes you happiest becuase why waste time being unhappy when you only have a short time to live. I guess I got my ideas mixed up though and somehow got my self shipped off to this he.ll hole of a school becuase of it. Then, I tried to make myself happy by being what society though I should be, well that worked alright for a while I guess. I mean, I was happy, but I just didn't feel like I was being honest. The happiness was artficial like these stupid flowers." I say kicking at one of the ugly plastic things.
"Hey, don't worry too much about those girls back there." I say, assuming she is unhappy about the gossip we are sure to collect, "Their gossip won't last long, and it doesn't even effect anything. They just think that people walking together is like the biggest news ever, especially when the people seem like an unlikely pair or whatever. Anyways, so, tell me more about yourself, but keep in mind that we are most likely being watched by your father. Hello Mr. Petite!" I call out loud, waving my hands in the air, not sure if I am facing a camera or away from one. The joke is dumb but probably true and I really interested in Kit as a person, which frankly is not something I have let myself show very often, usually I just pretend to not care what people think and feel and only bother with what they look like, but that isn't a person. Well, I am interested in who Kit is and I figure the only way to find out about someone is ask.
I almost burst with giggles as the plastic flower sprang back up like nothing happened. "Who cares what the girls think? It's not like anyone important will believe them." I watch him wave his hands in the air, "chill, he isn't watching. He likes you anyway, plus he has seen worse so..." I thought back to the memories, wincing slightly. " I though for a second then told him, "my philosophy isn't as great as yours. It's 'No second chances' I don't give them to myself nor others." Oh how ironic that was thinking of what I am about to do. "This stupid thing is so uncomfortable to sit on." I said sitting my phone on the bench. "Aren't you going to sit with me? I might tell you more about me if you will tell me something about you."
((Last post for tonight sorry.))
"Okay," I say in responce to many of her questions all at once. I walk over to the bench and sit down, "Well, I'll start with how I ended up in this dump. I have six older siblings and parents who don't give a da.mn what I do. I was always trying to be free and cool like by big brothers and I ended up getting into some pretty uncool situations. The climax was when I blew up the garage with a science experiement, that was when my parents decided to send me here." I look over at Kit for approval again, "Let's see what else do you want to know? My interests, reading, exploring, day-dreaming. I'm a professional day-dreamer you know." I say grinning, "I like learning though most people think I'm an idiot who only knows how to smile and drool." I look down at the ground now, my elbows on my knees, "And I am really interested in people and things, the Giants and the real world." Suddenly I realize my eyes have unfocused and I am staring off into space. I snap back to attention, "So what about you?"
"Um, let's see, I grew up here. Never had a chance to be a good girl. My mom died and I was sent here with a total stranger I was to call dad. I love poetry, it's my life. It's my escape from this world we are trapped in." I say then make sure the screen of my phone is clearly in his vision. "I think that's about it. Oh and I'm absolutely in love with cats. So I guess I would have ended up here anyway." I smile a tiny bit at the thought.
"Yeah, I know the feeling of being trapped." I say, taking in what she said about her mother, "And I'm sorry to hear about your mom." I add quietly.
The place is starting to get dark. The Giant's room being slowly filled with shadows and dark corners. We know that very soon that will all go away, for the Giant who occupies this room with soon flick on the light, blinding everyone momentarily with its arteficial brightness. I sigh, the trapped life of a kid in Parva. There must be some way to escape it all, to get out and see the real world. But the reali world might be so big that us little Latent might be crushed or lost in so big a universe. Still, to see the real world is my one big dream.
"Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be one of the Giants?" I sak Kit, leaning back on the bench, my arms behind my head, "Do you ever wonder if they think or feel the same way we do? Are they as smart as us? As sophisticated and intelligent? Or are they simply a race of animals who wander around blind to the world and its beauty. Is their only focus how much of the stuff called 'money' they have and weather they have a facny house or car. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be one of them?" I ask, now turning my attention to Kit and looking right into her eyes.
"All the time, I sometimes just wish that-" then she was shut up by a ding at the phone between them, a text. On the screen of her phone the picture popped up with Jonny
((Why did only half of it post? Give me a sec....))
"All the time, I really dobt know about them but....." i couldnt really think, everything in me was screaming for me to kiss him. I lean in slightly closer "I sometimes just wish that-" then I was shut up by a ding at the phone between us, a text. On the screen of my phone the picture i had taken popped up with Jonny
((Aggggg it did it again!!!))
Kit "All the time, I really dobt know about them but....." i couldnt really think, everything in me was screaming for me to kiss him. I lean in slightly closer "I sometimes just wish that-" then I was shut up by a ding at the phone between us, a text. On the screen of my phone the picture i had taken popped up with Jonny< 3 next to it. Under that was the clearly written words, 'Babe, where are you?' I didn't bother to move the phone from his sight.
((I'm not typing all that again. You don't get to see her thoughts. I give up:p))
I jump at the ding of Kit's phone, its sound cutting through the quiet. I glance down at her phone and see a picture of her with some guy and the words 'Jonny <3'. For a moment I freeze, caught off guard by the sudden appearance of who I can only assume is her boyfriend by the message which I try not to read because it seems rude. Still, I can't help my eyes from flashing over the word, 'babe' on the screen.
Snapping out of it, after only a moment's awkward pause, I quickly look away from the screen, pretending I didn't see it. She has a boyfriend after all, I realize with a sinking heart. Well I suppose that makes sense, a pretty girl like Kit should have a ton of guys chasing her, but it is still a shock. Suddenly I realize I'm jealous. I try to snap out of it, to think about how happy Kit must be but still a part of me stings and feels slightly betrayed. I am now facing away from Kit, sure that my disappointment is clear on my face and not wanting to show it to her. I also have no idea what to say. There really doesn't seem to be anything to say, so I just pretend I didn't read it though my heart is crying out in pain.
"What were you say?" I ask, turning back to Kit, a forced smile on my face which hopefully makes it look as though the text was a minor inconvenience or break in our conversation. Without really meaning to, I find myself moving slightly away from Kit, we had somehow gotten fairly close, and now with the knowledge of her boyfriend, it doesn't feel comfortable anymore.
"I don't quite remember..." I say softly, he saw it, and he looked upset. I almost felt bad for this, almost. "Something about Giants?" I lie. My mind screams 'score!' I hope he feels at least a little something. He suddenly pulls away and I notice how close he was. He thought something of that clearly, or he wouldn't have moved. "What's wrong?" I ask softly acting as if I have no earthly idea. After all, he did tell me he wanted to be just friends. He brought this on himself. 'Hook, line and sinker!' My mind shouted again. This was really mean, maybe I was heartless after all?