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Narration of No Name

ZephyrPunk posted this thread...
Jan. 27, 2013 at 6:10 pm

 
I had thought that I had been doing well. I had thought that everything was alright. As a matter of fact, I had thought that everything was going great. It was about a week before Christmas break ended, and I was feeling pretty good. Outside, sparkly white snow covered the earth, creating a sense of fantasy. As usual when I’m on break, I was just getting up at about noon. And as usual, my room was a mess. A heap of clean clothes were sitting in front of my dresser, as I had been too lazy to put them away the night before. Over in the opposite corner was the pile of art supply containers I have emptied over the years, collecting dust. Next to them sat my guitar, Nebula, which I haven’t had time to learn to play yet. There was a pile of books and papers sitting next to my bed, keeping my karaoke machine company. On top of this stack of books were my headphones, my laptop and my sketchbook. After I woke up a bit, I picked up my sketchbook and laptop, situating myself in a comfortable position to draw while listening to music that I would stream from Imesh, a music downloading program that you can get almost any song on. I plugged my belov’d headphones into my laptop and turned it on. After pulling up Imesh and starting my music, I began to draw. I decided that I wanted to draw Isamu, a character I had created the week before that I wanted to improve upon.  
 
About a half hour later, after finishing the outline of his body, I began sketching in the details of Isamu’s face. As I was drawing his bored-looking eyes and frowning mouth, “This is a Call” by Thousand Foot Krutch began to play. I had never heard it before, because when I download music I just search my favorite artists and download a few albums by them, I don’t necessarily know all of the music that I have on Imesh. I wasn’t paying much attention at this point; I never really do when I’m drawing.
 
 “She fools all her friends into think she’s so strong,
But she still sleeps with the light on,
And she acts like it’s alright on,
As she smiles again”
 
wow, this is going to be one of their sad songs” I thought. I continued drawing, moving on to Isamu’s arms. They aren’t very muscular – he’s an artist, not an athlete. The artist continued with his story, stealing a bit more of my attention.
 
“And her mother lies there sick with cancer,
And her friends don’t understand her,
She’s a question without answers,
Who feels like falling apart.”
 
“My friends don’t understand me…” I thought, almost sub-consciencly. Of course, I was still preoccupied with creating the wrinkles in Isamu’s favorite blue t-shirt.
 
“She knows she’s so much more than worthless,
But she needs to find the purpose,
She wonders what she did to deserves this.”
 
Those words were the force that pulled me all the way into full attention, my thoughts revolving around the lyrics like the moon revolves around the Earth, always facing the same direction. “I guess nobody is worthless, but I can’t find a purpose either. I suppose I deserve everything I go through though…” I thought.
 
I stopped in the middle of perfecting the pockets of Isamu’s jeans, and devoted my attention to the music. I guess that I was hoping for an answer to the question that I hadn’t known I was asking until then. The question I suppose everyone asks at one point or another.
 
What am I supposed to do with my life? I mean, I’m not really good enough at one thing to be an expert in anything…”
 
So I listened, waiting, hoping, for a solution from one of the groups of people I admire most. The lead singer called out with emotion, his words flowing beautifully from his mouth, traveling through my headphones and into my body, trying to break through the brick wall I had built around my heart.
 
“She’s calling out to you, this is a call, this is a call out,
‘Cause every time I fall down, I reach out to you,
 And I’m losing all control now, and my hazard signs are all out,
I’m asking you, to show me what this life is all about.”
 
Tears began to form in my eyes as every word of the chorus was what I have been trying to say for most of my life, but never had any human that I was able to say anything like that to, because I am always so afraid. Afraid of what, I wasn’t sure at that point. The lyrics kept flowing, breaking through my wall, making me feel vulnerable. So I continued to listen, as if my life depended on it.
 
“He tells everyone a story,
Because he thinks his life is boring,
And he fights so you won’t ignore him,
Because that’s his biggest fear,
And he cries, but you rarely see him do it,
He loves but he’s scared to use it,
So he hides behind the music,
‘Cause he likes it that way.”
 
Tears streamed down my face as I realized that I related more to this guy than I had to the girl. I realized that I always act like I don’t care that people ignore me. But in reality, I do. As a matter of fact, I hate it with every fiber of my being. I also realized what I was afraid of: people not accepting my love.
 
Do I really hide behind the music? Am I really that frightened of society? I suppose I do, and I am. The music resonates through me like love itself, So deep and beautiful, Like the ocean, only bigger. I just wish I wasn’t so alone…” I thought in self pity.
 
I wanted to pause the music and cry a river, holding on to what was left of my wall of protection, but the beautiful music and perfect beat as well as my curiosity of what would happen next kept me listening to the music that was quickly gaining momentum in the penetration of my defenses.
 
“He knows, he’s so much more than worthless,
He needs to find the surface,
Because he’s starting to get nervous, and
 
He’s calling out to you,
 This is a call, this is a call out,
‘Cause every time I fall down, I reach out to you,
And I’m losing all control now, my hazard signs are all out,
 I’m asking you, to show me what this life is all about.”
 
The chorus had more of an effect on me than before, as my emotions were built up higher than they had been in a long time. I felt like I was going to die of sorrow as my salty tears ran down my face and dripped onto my laptop. I could barely hear the song as it continued to crash down my precious wall.
 
“Have you ever felt this way before?
‘Cause, I don’t wanna hide here anymore,
Take me to a place where nothing is wrong and thanks for coming, shut the door.
They say someone sees us,
Well if you’re real then save me Jesus,
‘Cause I’ve been this way for far too long,
 I wasn’t meant to feel alone.”
 
That did it. That was when my wall was completely obliterated. I paused my playlist and just sat there and cried. My thoughts were racing, trying to find meaning:
 
“I know that Jesus will listen to me, and help me, but… I still can’t help feeling like I need friends. Real friends. Not like most of the ones I have now that I can’t tell anything to. What am I supposed to do?” I thought.  
 
But that’s when it hit me. I realized for the millionth time in my life that all I had to do was trust Jesus and keep going. That’s what I always end up doing, and so far my life has been going okay. That was what the song was really about. It was about falling into His arms when nothing else is worth living for. I wiped the tears from my face and breathed in silence for a few minutes. “Thank God for TFK”, I thought, “Thank God for music. However I feel and whatever I need at any point in life, there is always a song to sing. Without it, I’m not sure where I would be. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a song is worth a thousand pictures. Thank you.
 
I smiled and wiped my eyes as I put on my electro-pop playlist. I continued perfecting the details in Isamu’s figure, smiling as the chilled beat of “Nameless Song” came on, calming me like a mother calms her child with a reassuring hug. 
 
that's it... is it any good?

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