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to be taken for granted

writerauterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:43 am

she sits up late waiting on him to come home
she sighs as the clock strikes three o'clock am 
she cant believe he is working so late again 
she shakes her head as she turns out the light. 
 
he comes home the next day at twelve o'clock pm
he slams his work bag on the table with a thump
he is a busy man with a short, mean temper
he lies to himself, and to her, and to everyone 
he feels the guilt slowy creeping inside of him 
he knows it is wrong, but he just doesnt care
he never even really loved her, not at all. 
 
she calls in to her work saying that she is sick 
she lies in bed the whole day, tears falling down
she saw the texts on his phone sent out to her
she feels the sinking feeling lurk inside her body
she shakes her head, she should have known. 
 
he winks at the beautiful girl sitting at the office
he studies her up and down, like a predator does
he is a lion, stalking his prey, ready to pounce
he tells himself, and his wife, and everyone else
that it isnt true, he wouldnt ever do such a thing
he knows he should stop, but he just simply wont
he never really wanted her, that is for sure. 
 
she falls down onto the blue carpet floor
she cant breathe, cant think anymore
she knows that its true, what he has done 
she still loves him, she just cant understand. 
 
 

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Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:51 pm

I love how this switches from the man's perspective the woman's. It gives the reader a depth of insight, while the mystery remains.
 
The story is written well, but since this is a poem, you probably should think about coming up with a rhythm. You want the words to just slide off the page, and be catchy. However, the concept is killer.
 
On an emotional hand, this broke my heart. I was in a situation nearly identical, except this was my parents. Dad left when I was six years old and started a new family. He is still with the woman, and has three other daughters. I never see him.

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