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A Voice (criticism allowed :)

jdaniels1779 posted this thread...
Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Doesn’t it break your heart to see young or adolescent people of color not live up to their full potential?   The problem is that they don’t recognize that they are special, leaders, powerful, and most of all important to society. We live in a nation where history of people of color is not taught to the children in the way that they need to know it. Sure, there are great European people that affected our world today, but it is the people of their nation that will really inspire them affect the public culture in a positive way, and influence others to do the same.  Picture this: If everything revolving around you put you down in a negative manner, wouldn’t you want to rebel against this? This is why so many young kids of color act in the stereotypical way that the media portrays them.  Now picture this: if you were taught in school that your people were heroes, educators, politicians, liberators, historians, and survivors; wouldn’t you want to continue that chain of power? “A colorblind society won’t do anything but make us ignore the greatness of our people, while dying to fit in and be accepted by people who don’t like us anyway,” –How To Hustle and Win Part 2.  We need a voice for these children and teens and I want to be a part of it.

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jdaniels1779 replied...
Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

please help for revision! this is supposed to be a short article anyway.

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nocturnekimchi replied...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:20 pm

Hi! I really hope I can help a little bit. :D I like your message in this article, by the way. Sorry if some of the revisions are a little wonky, ehehe....revisions in italics!



Isn't it heartbreaking to see young or adolescent people of color not live up to their full potential? The problem is that they don’t recognize that they are special:  capable of leadership, powerful, and most of all important to society. [edited for parallelism] We live in a nation where the history of people of color is not taught to ["the" deleted] children in the way that they need to know it. Sure, there are great European people that affected our world today, but it is the people of their nation that will really inspire today's children, affect the public culture in a positive way, and influence others to do the same.  Picture this: If everything revolving around you put you down in a negative manner, wouldn’t you want to react, to rebel against this? [Varying sentence structure! :D] This is why so many young individuals of color act in the stereotypical way that the media portrays them.  Now picture this: if you were taught in school that your people were heroes, educators, politicians, liberators, historians, and survivors, wouldn’t you want to continue that chain of power? As said in How To Hustle and Win Part 2,  “A colorblind society won’t do anything but make us ignore the greatness of our people, while dying to fit in and be accepted by people who don’t like us anyway.” [Edited for better flow and format.] We need a voice for these children and teens, and I want to be a part of it.
 
TADAAA! First revision of anybody's work here; sorry if horribad!

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russettlauren99 replied...
Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:43 pm

I really thought that this post was inspiring and i reallly like it... it sends the right message to teens and i think you are a very good writter...

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