Facebook Activity

Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Nonfiction > the absence of love

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
Next thread » « Previous thread

the absence of love

writerauterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Dec. 8, 2012 at 10:45 am

lights fade to darkness
everthing turns quiet
i see your face in the shadows
just waitng to come out
smiles fade to sadness
as i realze why your here
dont you know how much it hurts?
tell me that its my fault
so it must be true
tell me that im worthless
but that i should always love you
the pain fades to depression
as the years went on by
my heart turned to melted stone
from the absence of love in my life.
wont somebody come save me?
doesnt anybody care?
that a broken soul is crying
in the depths of deep dispair
doesnt anyone hear the yelling?
why isnt anybody there?
i must have done somthing wrong here
but i just cant figure what it is i did
someone please save me
before i drown myself
in the red blood  of my heart
all because of the absence of love.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
xxtennis13xx replied...
Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

There are great ideas in this peice, but I really reccommend fixing all the grammer errors. For example, "i" should be "I", "realze" is "realize", and words like "won't", "you're", "doesn't", and "I'm" need apostrophes. Basic grammer has the power to make or break a piece, so if taken into consideration, this will be even better! :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
xxtennis13xx replied...
Dec. 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Ah, I despise myself for that last comment. Grammar* is what I meant to type. :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback