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College Essay Feedback

clover01girl posted this thread...
Nov. 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

When you write an essay, what are some of your inspirations? I ask this because I need help with creating a strong opening sentence. So far I've come up with "When something fascinates me, I always want to experience it for myself." it sounds nice but it just isnt strong enough for me. Does anyone have a few tips on how I can past this writer's block? 

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clover01girl replied...
Nov. 7, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Anyone at all???

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DynamoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 10, 2012 at 11:53 pm

When the aquinoctial winds of joy and ecstasy sweep through me, leaving me fascinated by their sweet fragnance, the inherent desire to experience their hue in prime and heyday arises in me.  

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SometimesTinaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 11, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I would probaby not use Dynamo's idea – if it doesn't match your overall writing style, an intro like that will seem out of place, and maybe even silly to an admissions counsellor. Instead of making a general statement for your intro sentence, try to tailor it to yourself – When _____ fascinated me, I _______. Then describe what you experienced in those blanks. By making your intro personal and unique to you, it will capture attention, expecially if it is an unusual example.

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