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writerauterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

so insecure
all alone there
just sitting quietly
out of air
sufficating...
dont know where
to turn now
trapped, fear
around every corner
pain felt everywhere
when no one cares
the rage that keeps
coming to the door
knocking, screaming
let me out of here.
 
c'mon now
hide in the shadows
darkness all around
dont make a sound
c'mon now
crouch down low
cant be seen
dont feel anything
c'mon now
the demons have won
let it all out
let the screams echo
show them that
your still alive
that you are here
make them listen
destroying everything
c'mon now.
 
so stuck
hurting hearts
tearing things apart
cant even stop
feel the tears
see the blood
dripping from you
the cuts on your arm
reminding you
of it all
on the floor
dying...
cant take it any more
crying alone
lost it and
the pain iside, screaming
get out of here
 
c'mon now
hide in the shadows
darkness all around
dont make a sound
c'mon now
crouch down low
cant be seen
dont feel anything
c'mon now
the demons have won
let it all out
let the screams echo
show them that
your still alive
that you are here
with this pain inside
make them listen
destroying everything
c'mon now.

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CollegeEssays replied...
Oct. 28, 2012 at 11:16 am

First off, I would like to start by saying that if this is written in the nonfiction section because you actually cut yourself then you need to stop that because it is self-destructive behavior. I would also like to add that  I had nothing really against the poem, although I found it rather depressing, what I really noticed was a lot of grammatical errors that you could probably catch if you re-read it. Another thing that I noticed that kind of bothered me is the title completely doesn't match the poem, try changing the title. The critique is supposed to be beneficial so please dont take it in a negative way :)

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DynamoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

And its supposed to be posted in poetry and lyrics.

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writerauterThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 28, 2012 at 7:29 pm

thanks for the input. i know that i make alot of mistakes, writing is the only way i really know how to get my feelings out. i know it is depressing, but that is how i feel. some people call me a soul writer, because i write what i feel, to get things out.

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