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writerauter posted this thread...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 9:47 pm

look around i was right
love doesnt last forever
we're only fifteen
we should of known not to lean on each other
i havent forgot all you have done
to make me smile and make me sad or mad
i am sorry, that i have had to realize
you want me to change, you dont want myself
go find the girl you want
the one who will be open with you
about every single little thing
im not her, so heres the bottom line
remember, your the one who brought it up
i said NOTHING about a brake up
you came up with that all by yourself
so it must be what you want
and so you need to know

we are never, ever, ever getting back together
im done. we were both wrong
i know that, im not blameing all of it on you
i do hope your happy now, oh look!
now, you can find the girl you want
the one whos open with you about everything
the one who will deal with you, forever?

yes, i am cold
cause i have to be
just like that, so quick
you've turned on me
turned into my enemy
i may of been mean
but i was only reacting
to the things you said to me
your a jerk, well id call you something else
but its not polite or right to put on the net
i think you should know
that, i was giving you a test
to see, how long you would be
able to stil love and want me
no matter what
you did say you loved me
but i am too difficult for you
you didnt really love me
just liked my body
i was right to not trust you all the way

now i'll say it one more time
we are never ever, ever getting back together
im done, i hate you
you hate me,
called me a b**** to my face
i called you a jerk back
cuz thats all you are
and one things for sure
i do not miss you
theres nothing to miss
i do not need you
wont ever want you back
and just so we are clear
We Are Never Getting Back Together.

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Warlock replied...
Mar. 4, 2013 at 11:43 am

Hi, It seem to me that your expressing freedom but i feel a little bit of anger.....are you trying to make the poem sad?

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OpulentColors replied...
Mar. 4, 2013 at 1:47 pm

Do not take my critisism in a bad way or as an insult. I wish only to help you improve your piece because I see potential. Now I think you need more of a climax and flow to the piece. Throughout the story you show confused mixed feelings of anger and hate, then also understanding and freedom. I think if you maybe made a bigger contrast to show your dilemma and maybe add in the piece that you aren't sure how you feel about the break up... it may add more intensity. I think deeper words and phrases in a section of the writing will engage readers more and have them be more interested and feel more sympathy and sadness and anger similar to what you felt. Also, just simply add to each feeling you write about, when your angry, rage on about how he has done you so wrong and made you burn in your heart and wish him dead ,and when you write about your saddness towards the situation, enhance that. But great job, but you can ALWAYS do better (:

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writerauter replied...
Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:43 pm

no, i was just venting. i was trying to express freedom but when i wrote it i was still pretty heated about it

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monkeymel replied...
Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:01 am

heated like your poop ?

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writerauter replied...
Mar. 12, 2013 at 7:10 pm

lol thanks mel

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