Teen Ink

Kayleigh S. posted this thread...

I need to know if people think I should continue this story, does it hook you, novel/short story? Everyone who puts in their advice on continuing or not, gets a rating and coment on one story. So in your post put your advice and the peice of your work you want comented on. Thanks!
 
 
 “God, dad no!” I yelled at him, waiting for the inevitable slap. I watched as he turned his face from the carefully drawn out plan towards my despaired face. His face was as always, a cold stone, no compassion. The rest of the officials looked up at me from their golden table, used to my outbursts. They too composed themselves for it. If they showed any pain at this, they would receive the same treatment, probably worst. I gulped, desperation written on my face.
“And why not?” His voice was quite, yet filled the whole room like a menacing growl. “Do I recall giving you permission to speak out?” I trembled yet held my ground. If he did this, I could never forgive him, and neither would the thousands of people out there.
“Dad, those are people out there, with life’s and – and you just cant kill them!” I almost backed down as he stood up and walked quietly towards me. His face was growing on emotion, anger.
“You have no right to tell me what I can and can't do.” This time it was a menacing growl, one that snaked around the room freezing everyone and thing. But I was getting angry too.
“Those are people, you cant just -” Wrong choice of words I guess, since the slap came effectively silencing me. I fell to the hard marble floor my silk dress spreading out around me. I looked up into his hard blue eyes, pleading with my green ones. “These are your own people, not your enemy. Don't just destroy them.” Being on the floor made me an easy target for a kick which he delivered casually, on my stomach. I clutched at it, one hand to the slap mark on my face and the other around my stomach.
“It is the enemy, which you would be wise to remember, girl. There is just some collateral damage.” His eyes bore into me seemingly straight down to the bone. I stood up standing five inches shorter than him, refusing to look up from the floor.
“You have no right to be king.” I told him, then turned and ran through the massive doors up to my room, before he could deliver another blow.
 
The tears streamed down my face that night in my room. That was the first night I escaped the palace walls for the kingdom's streets.