Title: A Little Girl
A little girl
No more than six
As pretty and
As could be
Has fallen asleep
In a large meadow
Covered in tiny blue flowers
She wears a dress
As blue as the sky
Her hair is yellow like the sun
It’s curled and in two pig-tails
In her sleep
She looks so sweet
So precious and so peaceful
A little girl you would hope
Would never see pain or sadness
And only love and happiness
Too bad she has to die
. . . . . . . . right now
i'll paste my poem here but you can also look at it if you click on my name and look for the title.
Reflections of a Broken World
As time elapses,
The world collapses.
Shattered glass litters the ground,
From lost buildings,never to be found.
The fires of hate burn around us all,
Leading us to our greatest downfall.
The desert is now in the sea,
Nothing is as it should be.
As hope for a new tomorrow evaporates,
Our world is now a wasteland of doubt,
Dead from this never-ending drought.
People can no longer see their reflections in the shattered glass,
They are becoming ghosts of the past.
Our world is broken,
It has finally been outspoken.
The rulers of the future believe they are infallible,
But one error stands in their path to control.
A rebellion is on its way,
Leading us to our greatest escape.
We gamble with death,
Knowing that this could be our final breath.
It's similar to a game of Russian roulette,
This may be the last bet.
As the sun slowly sets.
The sky is red,
Blood has been shed.
The fragmented glass is the battlefield,
The rubble is our one and only shield.
As the war rages on,
The dreams of the people our long gone.
Survive the first night,
We long for hope to be reborn,
If we could just outlast the storm.
As freedom nears,
We begin to overcome our fears.
The birds are ready to take flight,
Out of the darkness and into the light.
The faces of the people begin to reappear,
As the shadows disappear.
Let the sun rise,
While evil encounters it's demise,
No more lies...
We pick up the pieces,
As the world's moral increases.
Burying the deceased,
They are now at peace.
So are we all,
Once again standing tall
I recently found out I'm leaving for a family vacation for a week starting the 17th so its ending date is going to be the 25th. Can't wait to announce winners and review! :)
The Darkest Moment
The darkness swallows me,
as my feet leave the edge of time.
The casted shallow light of the eternal moon,
cradled by the nearly immortal stars.
Over my descending body.
The shadow of death is upon me,
I feel like I'm falling from the sky.
Waving my last goodbye.
The end is close.
I miss those cheerful days,
Where there was nothing but the sun's rays.
I watch them disappear.
The time is now, the place wasn't there.
The building fading behind me is here.
The rain washed ground approaches,
Again the impact of my decision,
Floats through my mind.
Scars me. Scares me.
It will kill me.
Emotions run wild,
Telling me I am a stupid child.
I only hurt those close to me by hurting myself,
That never helps.
The ground touches my unmoving body,
I no longer have sight or sound.
My life has come unbound.
Never again to be found.
can I enter more than once?
Sorry, but I only allow one entry for the sake of time.
Just to let you guys know, I'm posting results tomorrow night for the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners! I'll be leaving a comment on a piece other than the one submitted for the "participation ribbon" unless you say you want me to critique the one you submitted instead.
Okay, now to announce the winners!
In the fantastic 1st place is Gray by An-eloquent-leaf. You've won a comment on five of your pieces and I forgot to mention this but a rate on each of them as well! Usually I'd be opposed to overuse of a word, but it was rather fantastic and it was really a pleasure to read. I like how you called things gray that wouldn't have logically been gray. I like that you used salmon for your color instead of something way out there like purple, it makes it a bit more subtle.
In 2nd place is one that I was struggling with whether to make it first. The unique Abominations by Eirias. Ironically enough I already commented on that one of yours and I believe I rated it to quite a while ago! You've won a comment and rate on four pieces.
And in 3rd place is the poem What Have We Done? by hedwigy13. You've won a comment and rate on three different pieces! I like your end of the world theme and how its that urgent feeling of we could have prevented this. There's a lot out there that we could prevent that we take as nothing and it really is a hard-hitting subject. Your sentence-structure and vocab is beautifully done.
Congratulations to the winners and those who earned their participation ribbons. I just wanted to acknowledge three more pieces that I really liked which were (in order of most liked to worth mentioning) Roses to Weeds by towritelove37, Can You See The Stars by StarlitSunrise, and Psycho Lullaby by LoveAndHateMakeLife. Just wanted to let you know yours were being considered.
What the heck......
Yay, good job everyone else, and thank you! When you get the chance, I'd like my pieces "The Hunt," "We Are Like the Leaves," "The Interview," and "Farewell, Téa" reviewed. I also have another poem that I haven't put up on the site yet, but I'll post it on this thread ASAP :)
Wow, thanks so much! And congrats to everyone else. Could you read Crickets, please. For the other ones, you can just pick what you like. :D
hey, for my participation ribbon could you look at my poem Another Side of Me? Thanks.
I can look at the requested ones for everyone :) I'll probably wait a few days to review everyone else's just so I know no one else has preferences.
for my participation ribbon could you look at "Starfish" on my page?
actually, scratch that. would you look at "circulate" it's a drawing I did :)
Yeah, I feel really bad but there's a few I haven't had time to get to with the school year starting and suddenly getting so busy. Should be able to look at everyone's I didn't tomorrow. :)
This is one of the best pieces ive seen on here
Can you look at my poem A Dangerous Game?
Conformity; the salutes, uniform and mask
Individualism locked, gone, and cast
The formal sergeant and his commanded blast
Following a unison response in voice “monotone bland”
All expression, all color, it must not last
In the standardized system that raises its mast
Conform! There’s no hierarchy, no caste
In line, in time, following others; first and last
Just continue on the conveyor belt; nothing to surpass
The everlasting ash grey comes without contrast
It’s like decaying fruit, from color to grey gas
Don’t fall for it; it’s a trap, a holdfast
Work at the factory; make collars like crabgrass
It can suffocate like carbon monoxide gas
The government, the leader; they’ve got us glassed
The bosses like iron and brass
With metal hearts and cold metal laughs
No! Shatter the cage!
Take off the grey mask; its lead
I’m not a prisoner, not a property
Unleash the color, the yellow, the red
Reveal the anger; the boiling cauldron
That snappy recoil attitude
Burst with shades of fiery orange
Show a new face, a new mood
I’m done bleeding ignorance
I’m done seeing a fake angel
Be a radical; unmask the charlatan
They can’t predict what’s next, they can’t tell
Break the cubicle barriers
Smash the computer to smithereens
Slide pens and papers on the floor
Dispose of the land with machines
Dissent upon the conveyor belt
Shun the assembly line
You don’t have to be him
Just be yourself; that’s fine
In the middle of the night,
I watch you go.
I feel like my life,
Has finally closed.
I can never tell,
What you need.
I wished you mine mine,
I thought you wished I was yours.
But I’ll be yours,
If you’ll mine.
I always held you close,
I always heard you the most.
In the middle of the night,
You walked away.
I said to you,
“I’ll be yours,
“If you’ll be mine.”
You turned and walked away,
Before the light of day,
You would not hear what I had to say.
“I’ll be yours,
“If you’ll be mine.”