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Love or Infatuation?

Sherlocklives posted this thread...
Jun. 27, 2014 at 1:14 pm

In my opinion, I believe "young love" doesn't exist. I believe that a lot of people mistake infatuation for love very often and I believe that that's the reason behind many divorces. I don't understand why people my age jump into relationships. It is basically just friends making out. I mean, let's face it. How many of you out there are looking for husbands at 13-18 years old? That is really the soul purpose of dating. To find a potential mate. So why do people my age jump into these things? Is it for the drama? Because that's usually the result. Is it for self-esteem? Is it to look cool? My opinion is, in order to love someone, you first have to love yourself. That is a difficult thing for teens to learn, but things aren't going to work in a relationship if you don't love yourself and treat yourself well.

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Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 27, 2014 at 5:46 pm

The reason for the increase in divorce rates has nothing to do with age. People get married older nowadays - for the most part. Basically, maturity in relationships depends on the person. Some people aren't mature enough for long-term "loving" relationships at 40, let alone 18. I think that your stance really discredits a lot of long-lasting relationships (including my own) that are based on love instead of "drama." How can there be a cut-off line for being emotionally capable of "love"? Like, once you turn...what? 20? 30? Then you're capable of love?
 
I just don't buy it :P My opinion.

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Sherlocklives replied...
Jun. 27, 2014 at 11:04 pm

I wasn't saying that divorce rates were based on age. I was saying that they are based on the misinterpretting infatuation for love. I wasn't saying much about the connection with love and age or that someone has to be a certain age. I said that they should have a certain knowledge of themselves and not rush into love. I see a lot of my friends rushing to have relationships and a lot of people breaking themselves over other people so that they can have what they think they need.

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Sherlocklives replied...
Jun. 27, 2014 at 11:06 pm

I am just confused by the whole rushing to relationships thing

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Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 28, 2014 at 11:23 am

My mom was 16, dad was 17. They just had there 25th wedding anniversary. They both had bad lives. Mom had a verbally abusive dad which made her insecure. Dad didn't have parents that acted like they where parents so he found himself in a world of alcohol, then onto sharing needles. Neither one of them loved themselves, but they sure as heck loved eachother. I don't think your argument is very valid. Also you say "how many people aged 15-18 are looking for husbands?" (Not the exact quote but close enough). Well I happen to be a guy who is looking for a wife, thus why I haven't dated anyone cause I don't see the point in wasting my time on someone I know I wouldn't want to be with the rest of my life. Having a family is one of the most important goals for me.

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stuntddudeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 29, 2014 at 2:13 pm

"That is really the soul purpose of dating. To find a potential mate."
 
I wholely disagree, ergo I can reject most of your post out of hand.
 
I agree that many people date each other for reasons I can't personally understand, but their reasons are probably pretty clear in their own minds, and it's honestly not my business why any two given people might be dating. If their reasons are good enough for them, then they're good enough for me, whether or not I understand.

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inspiredbyhopeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 16, 2015 at 7:19 pm

I feel that people have the desire to be wanted, to be needed, and to be loved. The peers around me don't seem to take their relationships very seriously. This saddens me very much because I believe that love (actual love) is a very special thing.
 
I feel that if you truly love someone, you should be able to share with them all of the things that are troubling you. Once the door to communication is closed, it is very difficult to have a successful relationship. I think the reason why people struggle to maintain a relationship is because they are afraid to reveal their true colors. 
I agree that some people jump into relationships without being truly invested in them, but there are intelligent people of my age that do care about the interactions they have with other people. I hope that people will be more considerate of the feelings they have and will be more open to share these feelings with the people that matter to them.
 
We are all struggling to find ourselves in this world and sometimes finding someone to share the struggle with helps to enjoy the journey.

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MorganRFThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 3 at 12:02 pm

People are capable of loving themselves as teens, and yes, we may possibly be looking for our soulmate. I don't agree that, as teens it's "just friends" making out. Not everyone confuses love with infatuation, and I agree that it does discredit a lot of long-lasting relationships

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Allen.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 3 at 3:12 pm

Mm... untrue that you can't love people without yourself, and I'd actually say that that statement is fairly sanist/mentalist (discriminatory towards neurodivergent people, who may not have the ability to love themselves or are more likely to feel self-hatred.)
 
And platonic love is a thing! So I think love can be felt differently based on the age and type of attraction.

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CNBono17This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 3 at 4:28 pm

I think people confuse romantic love w/ other kinds. Romantic love--hence dating--involves the search for a mate, but there's more than that: parental, friendship, brother-sister, mentor-mentee, etc, depending on its nature. I can say "I love you" with complete honesty to maybe a dozen people in the same room and have no desire to date any of them. 
 
I also think love is badly defined nowadays. Love isn't an emotion; emotions don't last. It's a decision to be there for someone you have affection for. It takes work. Infatuation is a crush, which may/may not last and is partially under the impression that love is easy and doesn't take effort. The reason the divorce rate is so high is that people aren't willing to put effort into marriage. 

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WordAddictThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 3 at 10:02 pm

Hi everyone~
 
Honestly, I understand what you are trying to say, Sherlock. My best friend (who is fourteen) has recently gotten herself a boyfriend, her first, and definitely not her last. The guy is two grade levels ahead of us, and has some kind of issue which I am not going to delve too much into, being that I do not fully understand it myself. She recently told me that she would be afraid to end the relationship because he told her that ever since they started dating, his hallucinations have ceased to occur... 
This sounded to me like a lot of pressure to put on a girl of just fourteen years of age. I admire her for supporting this boy and being there for him despite his condition (sorry, I do not know what to call it exactly), but I feel like it would have been better if she never got into the relationship in the first place. Like you said, Sherlock, why rush into these sorts of things? How could she possibly know that she is emotionally capable of dealing with this boy? And when they break up and his 'hallucinations' come back...then the weight will be on her shoulders. 
 

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Quantum1.0This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 4 at 12:14 am

I don't come here very often anymore, but as a (almost) 20 year old who at least has a bit more experience with these kind of things (although admitedly mostly secondhand as I have yet to date for an extended period of time myself) that you friend's relationship does not sound healthy. It could be, but if her boyfriend is in anyway suggesting that she has to continue to date him to protect him from his hallucinations that is not right. That is not a healthy relationship at all, and if they do break up his halucinations should not in anyway be on her shoulders. That is an issue for him to deal with (hopefully with some medical help) - not a fourteen year old girl. That said, if they have a good relationship in spite of whatever issue he has that's okay, but the way you present the situation makes it sound like one you should encourage your friend to get out of.

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Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 4 at 10:08 am

I agree with Quantum's(p.s. crazy to see you poke back in!) 100% on this issue. It sounds like she is being pressure into staying with him because of his condition. My girlfriend has severe depression, or did, until she met me, I know if I left she'd go back into depression. That is not why I stay in the relationship though, I stay in it because I love her and know she would be a great partner for life, not because I'm afraid she'll go back into her depression because that's something she has to deal with.

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MorganRFThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 4 at 10:33 am

I also agree. I also feel, like Allen., that love is felt differently by different people in different age groups. I disagree with CNBono, however; love doesn't always last, either, so it is, in its own quirky way, an emotion. You could love someone, get out of that relationship for whatever reason(mind you, relationship not being exclusive to dating), and find that sometime down the road, you don't love the person like you used to. That's just me though

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Allen.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 4 at 1:33 pm

Ooh, replying to multiple people! This will be fun.
 
WordAddict- the boy is doing a really bad thing. He's guilt tripping her for his mental illness.
 
Let me tell you, as someone who is mentally ill and neurodivergent, this is never ever okay. It's fine if he feels better about dating her, but he's purposefully putting pressure on her, which is abusive and manipulative. I hope your friend will be okay...

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Allen.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 4 at 1:36 pm

On the 'love/emotion' discourse, I'm not sure. I think it can be a relationship status and an emotion, if that makes sense. When I feel love, it does feel like happiness or sadness or anything else... But it's not like happiness in that you can't really say you're 'in happiness with someone' @_@

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stuntddudeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 4 at 9:54 pm

"That is an issue for him to deal with (hopefully with some medical help) - not a fourteen year old girl."
 
If he's having real hallucinations he should get medical help, but on the other hand, $20 says it's just chuuni. Neither is justification for creating an abusive relationship or otherwise being manipulative, of course.
 
"You could love someone, get out of that relationship for whatever reason(mind you, relationship not being exclusive to dating), and find that sometime down the road, you don't love the person like you used to."
 
Something it seems many people forget when they are soapboxing about love and commitment is that all people change - frequently in ways you have no control over, and sometimes for the worse. Loving who someone is now doesn't guarantee you'll love who they are in 5, 10, 20, or 50 years.

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Quantum1.0This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 5 at 11:58 am

PB: "p.s. crazy to see you poke back in!"
 
Yep - I still come around every so often when I'm procrastinating on work to see if there's anything I feel like responding to. Unfortunately this place has been kind of dead recently and I've been to busy to post on much of anything anyway. I hope you're doing well!

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MorganRFThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 6 at 3:18 pm

stuntddude - Thank you for clarifying! That's what I was trying to get at, so for those of you wondering what I meant, look at stuntddude's reply. Also, what I said, and what stuntddude reiterated, applies to upkept relationships. You probably won't love someone in 20 years, even if you are still in a relationship. Yes, it applies even more to teens, but I have known people, and do know people who have married their high school sweethearts. So, I guess what I'm saying is, try not to minimize other people's feelings. Try to keep an open mind; just because you don't believe in it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

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