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I'm Having Trouble Finding Myself

TARDISdriverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Nov. 14, 2012 at 12:13 am

Hey everyone. Uhh, this is just something I wrote recently. Writing seems to help me relax and  maybe freak out about my life a little less. I was really concerned, and I didn't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? Or any words of wisdom? Sorry to bother you, but I felt like I needed to share this.
 
 Who am I? This question is asked by so many people all around the world. Part of our quest is to pursue who we really are and what we are doing. But what if that changes sometimes? What if who we are is more than one person? At certain points in our lives, are we changed to something else? Do we only have an allotted time before we are thrust into our lives as new versions of ourselves? 
This is something that I have been pondering recently. Something about me is definitely different. My friends noticed it, and pointed it out. I noticed it too, but I couldn't put my finger on it. In fact, I still can't. This is a topic that is honestly terrifying me. I have no idea who I am. I remember who I was before, mostly, and I know that I changed, but how? What's different about me now? I didn't go through any life- changing experiences, or at least I didn't think I did. It's almost as if I've forgotten who I was before. I'm still me. I still have the same face, and the same body. I'm still the same old human being that I was before. And yet I'm not. Something has changed within me. Why? I have no clue, but it's possible that this has happened to other people as well. 
I hope that I can find these people and ask them what was going on. It's more than just a character change. I'm literally a different person, just in the same skin. Is that even possible. It's as if a new person has moved in, and kicked out the old one, leaving no trace of him. I just don't know. Writing has been my out, and as I write, I remember bits of my old personality. And yet it seems like I'm meeting a new person, not recovering my old self. Is there anyone else out there that has felt the same way?
This is the most confused I've ever been. I'm terrified, and scared. I feel detached from myself. I'm concerned and very worried. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so many different emotions coursing through me, mostly negative ones. I don't know who I am, or who I'm supposed to be. I have the urge to try and go back to my old self, and yet this is something that feels as if it's supposed to happen. 
According to the theory of alternate universes, there is a me in every single one of them, and in each one, I'm a little bit different. There's a possibility that in one of them, I am even Batman. But in a more subtle way, it's as if I slipped through the barrier between these worlds, and now I have an alternate life.
I don't know if other people will like this new person that I've become, or if I'll even like my new self. I guess all I can do is wait out the storm and hope I'm left with something good at the end. Maybe somewhere in the wreckage of my old life, I'll find a new one. That doesn't mean I'm any less terrified. I have a feeling that life is planned out a certain way and things aren't usually as bad as they seem. 
Maybe we do become different people at different stages in our lives. Then maybe we are supposed to learn the flaws of our previous selves to perfect the new ones. While this is a strange concept, I hope that this might help some other people going through the same thing, and might make the transition easier from one personality to the next.

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Ttracey09This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 17, 2012 at 12:01 am

What some people don't realize is that as we age, we grow, whether it is physically, emotionally or mentally. I myself have lost myself, constantly trying to find out who I am. I feel lost in this world, like I don't know where I belong or who I am, but writing is a way for me to remember. Sometimes change is good.
You're going to change but there are key aspects/traits about yourself that you always hold on too. Your friends may say that you've changed and you said you sensed it too and the truth is, you most likely have. We change, and there's nothing we can do about it. As we go along in life, we find piece that complete us, that help to define who we are.
You say that writing helps you remember who you used to be, keep at it. If it can help you remember, use that and add it to who you feel has 'taken over your body'. You can chage who you are, it's you who determine who you are. You can choose what personality traits you want, what you don't what, how you want to act and more. You hold all the power in determining who you are.
It's not that you're a different person, what it is, is that time is taking pieces of your personality that don't suit you and working to create the perfect personality for you. In some ways, the way you are feeling is like an unfinished suduko puzzle. You feel as though you had all the pieces in all the right places but then something didn't fit and you had to erase all your answers, therefore you lose what you already had/who you already are.
It's possible about alternate universes, but it could be past lives. You could be feeling that transition from moving from one life time to another. You never know, maybe in a past life you were a 14th century French famous writer who was loyal, respectful, amusing, calm, and you loved to read and dance. Then you got reincarnated as an 18 century journalist who was all of the above but instead of loving to read, dance and be funny calm, you were quick to anger, loved to walk and were stoic. 
Sorry for the rambling, now alternate universe may have sounded like past lives and the examples may have been poor ones, but that's not the point. The point is every once in a while, you are going to lose yourself, it's the way of life. What matters most is holding on to those few personality traits that you feel TRULY DEFIND you and you know YOU WANT THEM TO BE APART OF YOUR NEW SELF. We go through many trials to test our characters. We go through many different phases in our lives, but at the end of it all, we find who we really are. I suggest you keep writing and doing what you love but try to remember, YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE. All the matters is you like who you changed into and if not, force yourself to change by chosing what would best fit you.
Sorry if this didn't really answer your question or confused you. 

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TARDISdriverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Wow. You are incredibly wise. Thank you for replying, and helping me. Trust me, I wasn't confused. That all actually made perfect sense. I'm so glad you actually took the time to bother helping me. Thank you so much. That actually is helping me feel a little bit better. Thanks

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