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Give feedback please.... (it's my first)

Eva_ogiveThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:49 am

Love’s Eternity
 
“Evangela”, he whispered. Staring out into the pitch black darkness he called out for her again. He could hear a soft rumble- like that soft murmur of flowing water. He turned towards the sound, only to find the lifeless body of Evangela before his eyes……….

“Rickard”, she whispered. Staring out into the pitch black darkness she called out for him again. She could hear a soft rumble- like that soft murmur of flowing water.  She turned towards the sound, only to find the lifeless body of Rickard before her eyes……….

Rickard gasped and opened his eyes, and saw Evangela abed next to him- wide awake. Still recovering from his Nightmare, he held Evangela’s hand, afraid to lose her.

Evangela unknown of the situation yet, was preoccupied with the haunts of her Nightmare. She flinched when she felt her husband touch on her hand- his touch so pure. She looked deep into his dark hazel eyes, which appeared to be black in the Eternal light of their love.

Rickard stared into the sparkling depths of her deep blue eyes- until the beauty of those depths blurred and he turned his gaze away from those deep blue eyes.

When Rickard broke the contact, she knew that the symphony of their love was at its peak.  The sparkling drop of their love rolled smoothly over the soft crimson bed of her lovely face and there was a Silence she had never felt before.

‘Silence again’- thought Rickard. Fearing that it would be soon gone, he darted towards Evangela and when his lips found hers, he kissed her gently……

Evangela felt the urgency in his kiss and was perplexed by this situation. She was rather overwhelmed, and kissed him passionately……….that moment was their own Silence.

Rickard, with his free hand mussed her hair, broke their kiss and with his lips almost touching her ear, he whispered softly-“Our love is perpetual, my love. I’ll never let you go.”

Evangela smiled, and out of nowhere- like a mermaid she retorted-“But is it for every moment? ”

Uncertain of the Question as well as the response, he replied to her- “Yeah.....maybe.” He was bemused with the Evangela’s question.

Evangela gently embraced him, brushed his dark hair with her long slender fingers and muttered in the dulcet voice that soothed him- “Our each moment will make our destiny. And our destiny is our…”

“....Love’s Eternity”-Rickard’s voice echoed in the grave silence of their love. 
 
“They embraced each other, kissed each other with a love so pure that it shall remain with them each moment, and in each eternity- a place which is beyond the reach aversion and hatred.”

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Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Usually you would submit a piece as a written article, then other people can comment and rate after clicking on your profile.
 
There's too much emotion (I'm not good with emotional pieces) and telling language in your writing for me to make anything of it, so I will abstain from stating my opinion.

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