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Novel Feedback Trade

milforce posted this thread...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Well...it needs to be done so anybody who wants to trade feedback on novels, here's the place. Please read/rate/comment on my novel Rat Key. By comment, I mean don't just say 'awesome! I really liked it!'. While I appreciate it greatly cuz everyone likes to be told their writing is good, my main goal is to get better. Please tear my work apart. I know it's flawed. Tell me what's wrong with it:) I'll do the same for you so if you don't want someone who's completely honest, don't pick me. It may take a while for me to get to your story, but I promise I will get to it eventually. Happy reading!

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IMSteelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 10:16 pm

I like your attitude towards comments and writing, I'll get on your story immediately, though it may take me a while to finish it.  If you will please read and comment on the chapters that I have of the Voyages of the Waved Albatross, I'd really appreciate it.  Thanks!
 

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IMSteelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 31, 2013 at 10:18 pm

I don't thing that your story has been posted yet, but as soon as it is, I'll read it.

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milforce replied...
Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Oh whoops...I forgot that I added a chapter yesterday. It's up now

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WhenItRains21 replied...
Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:26 pm

I'd love to! I can get to it tomorrow. Could you check out my novella "The Story of Ivy Hayes"? Or if you'd rather wait, I'm posting an updated version called "Lies, Guns, and High Heels," but I don't know when it will be posted. 

Thanks!

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milforce replied...
Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:51 pm

My comment's not showing up on the actually story for some reason so do you mind if I paste it in here?

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milforce replied...
Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:52 pm

WhenItRains21- I think I'll wait that way you can advice on the most recent version. Unless you'd rather have me read the one that's posted? I can do either

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CandidDreamer replied...
Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:30 am

I think we're both in the same situations X) I would love to comment on your work, though school is really an interruption :"") i will do as soon as I can thogh. Check out my "Risk" for me please :)

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milforce replied...
Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:23 pm

CandidDreamer- I'll do my best to get to your story this week, but like you said, school is an interruption:) Thanks for participating!

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JettaWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:53 pm

I'd be glad to take up your offer! (: Would you mind checking out "Surviving 2200"? Only if you have time, of course. (: Thanks so much in advance!

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milforce replied...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:55 pm

JettaWintry- I'll try to get to your story in the next week! Thanks for participating!

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IMSteelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:24 pm

Excuse me, I know you probably have a lot to do, but I would like to know when you will be able to read and comment on my story.  Thanks!

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milforce replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 7:41 pm

IMSteel- I read your story, but TeenInk was being stupid and wouldn't let me post my comment (for the first chapter) so I asked in this forum if I could post it here and you never responded. Is it okay if I do that?

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JettaWintryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Thank you SOO much! (: I'm going to try and finish yours... (:

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WhenItRains21 replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:03 pm

I'll try and get to your novel tonight. It's up to you whether you want to start on mine now, or wait for the updated version. Whichever works for you! :)

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milforce replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:11 pm

WhenItRains21- I think I'll wait because I'm starting to get swamped! Thanks!

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IrenieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:55 pm

I WILL DO THIS! It may take a day or two though.I promise to rip it apart. In the meantime, could u read my novel The Death Speaker?

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IMSteelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Sorry, I didn't know that was for me.  Yeah, you can post it on here, I don't care where I get the comment.  Thanks a lot!

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milforce replied...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:29 pm

IMSteel- Here's that comment:
First off, I’ll tell you how excited I am to be reading this. It seems really interesting to read and I do love a good pirate story. By the way, I write my reviews as I’m reading the story so I don’t forget anything. Alright, one of the first thing I’m noticing is that this story is dripping with adjectives. Too many, in my opinion. I understand if you’re trying to put a really good image in the reader’s mind, but this many adjectives puts limitations on the reader’s imagination so they actually don’t get that great of a picture. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Someone told me once that the road to hell is paved in adjectives and I don’t disagree. Now, if this is your writing style and it’s what you want, don’t let me get in your way. I just think that most people will prefer less. “Only those free of worry dare ask me that,” he hissed, “And I can assure you, mister, that you are not at all free of the shadow of fear.” ß awesome! That was pretty epic, honestlyJ. “Excuse me ambiguous nature. Old habits, etc.” That etc. seems really out of place…would he really say that? There’s a few parts where we could use another dialogue tag just to keep track of who’s speaking when with a little more ease. Your dialogue is excellent! Very realistic and time appropriate. Also the mannerisms of the sailor and the soldier are perfect! The scene where the sailor was drinking in the marketplace was very good. Very descriptive (but not TOO descriptiveJ) and I got a really good image in my mind. And so was the end of the chapter. Very, very good. You really calmed down on the adjectives toward the end which is great. So overall, the first chapter was very interesting. You did a great job of setting up the sailor as a character that’s not really a ‘hero’ but just a sailor, you know? He’s got his flaws and certainly shows them in this chapter. I know I’ve said it before, but I truly am impressed, so again, awesome, awesome job with the dialogue and setting. Every last detail is perfect and completely believable. It’s so believable that I would probably believe the details in this story over a historians, hahahaJ But anyway, just simplify in the beginning and make sure everything that’s said would truly be said. I know that last things hard since it’s set in the 1700s but if you’ve done this much, you can certainly do that too! Fantastic job and I hope this helps!!:)

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milforce replied...
Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:33 pm

IMSteel- It's not letting me post it here either. Give me a few days, I'm going to talk to teenink and figure this out

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