Facebook Activity

Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Fiction & Short Stories > Feedback Needed Will Return

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
Next thread » « Previous thread

Feedback Needed Will Return

AthenaMarisaDeterminedbyFate posted this thread...
Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:33 pm

This is a piece I wrote a little while ago that I need feedback on. I will rate and give feedback on one of your pieces as well. Thanks!
Ask us, friend. Just who are we to whisper in your ears and cast ideas like lifelines into your head? Who are we to clamp our teeth onto the tip of your pencil and force its gleaming graphite to stir on the page? Well, we are your characters. We were born from your thoughts and raised like your children as we froliced and danced on your paper. Your words are our embodiment, breathing life into our chests and instructing us on our every step.
You listen, entranced, to our soothing voices as they caress your ears. You are so easily manipulated by our words that they flow through your rose pink lips into your world and scatter on your paper. But still each sound from our clever mouths does not escape your scrutiny.
You slap labels on our chests that we cannot remove. We are heroes, or we are villains, in your untrained eyes. We are knights in shining armor or tyrants wrapped like snakes in a cloak as black as the death that hangs over us in the end. You strip us of our complications and replace them with the simplicity of good and evil.
    See us, friend. See us for who we are: warriors, rulers, hidden rebels, even gods, and do not let our leading characteristics govern us. Ambition is not necessarily a fault, and a humble servant may prove more difficult to defeat than the greatest of sorcerers, if you look closely at us. We are unique, but if you want us to cooperate as we trek our journeys and fight our battles on your paper, you must understand us for the intricate thoughts that we have become.

    It was your imagination that created us from dust and ink. What will you do with us now?

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
guardianofthestars replied...
Feb. 20, 2013 at 10:41 pm

W-O-W. That was really good, Athena! I loved it. The details and depth were so nicely done. I'd give it a 5 stars if I could!! As for my stuff just pick something you haven't read of mine please.  And again-THAT WAS REALLY GOOD:)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
MegaSock replied...
Feb. 21, 2013 at 2:00 pm

That was SO amazing!!! And it was all true at the same time :D     I never thought that creating characters could be told from a different perspective. This is a very well thought out and written short story! Imagine if you extended this... Cool! If you're going to rate my work, please comment on my "The Stranger in the Road." Thanks! And one more time, Great job! :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Feb. 21, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Sure thing! Thanks guys!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
E.J.Mathews replied...
Feb. 22, 2013 at 9:58 am

Very good! I loved all of the vocabulary and your voice is amazing! This piece really speaks to me as a writer, probably like everyone else on this site. Could you read my article "Writer's Block?" Thanks!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Feb. 22, 2013 at 11:00 pm

All right, sounds good!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
inkblot13 replied...
Feb. 24, 2013 at 9:18 pm

I absolutely loved this! I don't know if it was your intention, but the idea of characters putting themselves into an authors head made them came across as sort of sinister and I thought that was a really cool spin! I am totally adding you to my "Please email me when this author contributes work" tab thing. AWESOME! 
(PS, could you review a short story I just put in the forum? It's called Paper Prey) 

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:13 am

Sure thing!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback