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BirthOfTime posted this thread...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:35 am

Though I am a wonderful poet, I've decided to try my hand at writing a novel. I'm still new to the whole other types of concepts that need to be recognized, so do try to bear with me. The intro is still in its first stage, so do try to understand. I hope to have perfected the first part of the novel by mid-Febuary. So... Here is the intro to the main plot.
 
 
                Ourzen’s life has never been the same after his mother died in a train wreck that only he and a few others survived. He never knew who his father was, or that he even had a brother that he never knew. Ourzen was shattered. Rather than mope about his loss, Ourzen does his best to move one. He knew his mother wouldn’t be happy if she saw him like this now. During his life at middle school, he meets a boy named Shino. With Shino, Ourzen become reckless, and begins to “enjoy” life more. With Shino being rich, they are able to easily slip by the police, with Shino’s family owning the local police force of course. Shino may be spoiled, but Ourzen can see the good intentions inside of him. When Shino and Ourzen graduate from middle school, Shino is expected to go to a private high school, which Ourzen cannot afford to go to. Being the friend he is Shino makes sure that Ourzen can go to the school with him, after convincing his own parents. Throughout his time at the school, Ourzen makes more friends than just Shino. Entering his junior year now, who knows what, may wait for Ourzen…
 
So I do know that this needs reworking, but I hope to bring out a very emotional story out of this. Coming from the boy that can make his english teacher cry in front of the rest of the class due to my poem. 
Please do tell me where I can improve so I can create a better feeling to all.
 

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Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Well, first of all, no need to get cocky. Second, you need to remember to show, not tell. You were basically telling the reader what the story was about. Since this is your first time, let me give you an example:
Plot: Sally's brother has been lost at sea for years.
Intro: Sally's breath fogged up the window as she stared outside. Thoughts and memories whirled through her mind. She wondered if she should have given her brother a bigger hug when he left on that cruise. She wondered if she should have said "I love you" again before he walked out that door. But most of all, through all these years, she wonders if she should have stopped him from going before his ship sank.
 
Now this isn't a perfect example because I wrote it up on the spot (literally just now), but I hope I showed you that it's better to describe your actions than explain them. The reader has a better chance of slipping into it. Hopefully this helped :)
 
Can you also check out some of my work? A comment and rating would be much appreciated!

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