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Hey, does this make any sense?

Randomscreennamelalalala posted this thread...
Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:42 pm

 I wrote this story, but I'm not sure if it makes total sense. I've read it so many times, I need a few freash pairs of eyes. Take a look? I'll do feedback for feedback, just post what you want me to read.
 
I walked casually down the street on my way to school. My backpack was heavy from textbooks. There wasn't another person to be seen. The green trees were beautiful, and I was jealous of the people who lived here.
 Suddenly, a woman about twenty years old came out around a tree, which was weird because I didn't see her go behind the tree. She stopped, saw me, and looked relived.
 "Good!" She exclaimed. "I came at the right time!"
 I quickly looked her up and down. She wore a grey tank top with pockets on the sides, which I'd never seen before. They bulged, as if she had lots of something inside them. Her pants were plain black. She was barefoot. She wore a blue cap that hid her hair perfectly. Either that, or she was bald.
 She rushed up to me like a puppy when it's owner comes home. She paused, took a deep breath, and began to speak. She had an accent I couldn't place.
 "Okay. I've thought for a long time about how to say this. I figure it's best just to jump right in. I'm from the future."
 I blinked in surprise, but I believed her. I knew, just like anyone who reads any fiction could tell you, that when someone tells you something impossible, you don't contradict them. Besides, it was either that or she turned invisible before walking behind the tree, and I don't know why she would lie about it.
 I nodded for her to continue.
 She grinned in relief.
 "Good, you get it. So, as you probably figured from my last sentence, in the future, we've made a time machine."
 I nodded again. I sat down on the sidewalk. This seemed like it might take a while to explain. She sat down next to me.
 "So," I asked, "Where is it? Where's the machine?"
 She licked her lips, thinking of how to respond.
 "It's not your traditional time machine. It works like this: you already know that, under the Theory of Relativity, you can't accelerate matter past the speed of light."
 She paused, to see if I was following her. I was. I'm something of a physics nut- have been since I could read.
 "But. As scientists figured out, you can make light itself go fast enough to go back in time. And since the human eye uses light to see, that essentially means that you can send images back in time. Getting images to the future is an entirely different deal. You have to cool it down to absolute zero... but we don't need to go into that right now. The point is, I'm not actually here. I'm just an image."
 She held out her hand, and I reached for it. My fingers went right through her palm.
 "My body is far in the future, with dozens of cameras on me. Those cameras send an image of me to you."
 I frowned.
 "Then how can you respond to me?"
 She jerks her head to one of the houses I was walking past.
 "That house has outdoor security cameras. It's one of the only pieces of video we were able to get from this area. That's why I had to meet you here."
I consider asking if she could see herself on the video when she watched it in the future, but that seems like a little too much to deal with. I realized a simpler problem with this whole thing. "But, I can hear you. How do you send sound waves through time?"
 "Good question. Close your eyes."
 I did.
 "Where is my voice coming from?"
 I focused, but I couldn't tell. It seemed to come from all directions at once.
 "We've learned much, much more about the human brain. Using light's properties as a wave, we stimulated your brain to hear these messages."
 "Cool. But wait. Who's 'we'?"
 "The Indian government. India grew a bunch in the last few thousand years."
 "Thousand years?" I echoed.
 "Yeah. I'd tell you what year it is, but I'm not sure. We switched calenders about seven hundred years ago."
 "Good. Ours is kinda dumb. One last question. Why me? It can't be cheap to send an image and conversation through time."
 She takes a deep breath. When she speaks, I get the feeling she's gone through this in her head many times.
 "The fact that we can only send light eliminates many paradoxes that people long thought proved time travel impossible. For example, one can't kill one's self with an image. We thought it was totally safe."
 "We never knew who, exactly, the inventor of the time machine was. It was strange. One day, the head of the Science Department found blueprints on her desk. She never took credit for it, which I think was noble of her. Everyone assumed that whoever invented it was just too shy or embarrassed to take credit, and we figured they would show up. So we waited. We put out a huge reward, figuring whoever invented it would come forward. But they didn't. In the mean time, we did all sorts of experiments with the machine. Nothing earth-shattering or history-changing. Just research, making sure it worked. Years passed. No one showed up. We started to get nervous. The original blueprints were still in our possession, so we ran it through an extensive DNA testing. We got a list of all the people who had touched it. Luckily, the list was short. We considered it a national treasure. When it was said and done, there was only one set of genes that could be the inventor."
 She looked at her feet and started talking quieter.
 "We searched the history records. In the end, through out all of recorded history, there was only one person who could have invented it."
 She looks in my eyes.
 "You."
 I blinked. "Me?"
 "Yes. The U.S.A. starts adding DNA records to it's census pretty soon. We didn't think it was that big an issue, until we studied your life and the blueprints better. You used words in the blueprints that weren't in use in the twenty-first century. What's more, nothing in your life looked like it could teach you how to do this. Your education was limited. You weren't recognized for it then, either. It seemed like you never even told anyone. Any smart person would turn a machine like this in for money."
 "There's much more evidence than this, but you're right, time travel isn't cheap. I've got to be brief. The point is, after much debate, we realized there was only one conceivable reason you would have done what you did."
 Again, she paused. I already knew what she was going to say, so I finished.
 "If someone from the future came and told me."
 She nodded. Slowly, she stood up.
 "Right. So they sent me."
 I stayed silent. I was kinda shocked, to tell the truth.
 She continued. "I'll be back, hopefully, to help you more. But I don't think you'll need much more assistance. You're very smart."
She paused while I digested this information. I slowly stood up. She started talking again.
 "I wasn't sure if you could handle this, but I don't like keeping secrets."
 "Just when we learned that you were the inventor, another sheet of paper appeared in the same spot that the blueprints had come. It was a hand-written story. It described this exact event."
 I gulped.
 "Every word I've said to you, everything I've done, I memorized from that story, to match history exactly. We don't know what would happen if there was a paradox. But it would be bad. No doubt. It is quite possible that the future of humanity is in your hands."
 "Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically. My heart started beating faster.
 She laughed. "Don't worry. You'll be fine. After all..."
 She took a few steps backwards, all the way back to the tree she had come out from behind.
 "You've already done it."
 She stepped to the side, behind the trunk, and was gone.

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Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:05 pm

You've got a couple of things that needs to be fixed, but since you asked for if it made sense, yes, it does make sense. But you can maybe make it a little bit more smooth and things of that sort. If you want me to be more specific, I can, but generally, I'm not confused.
 
Can you please check out any of my work? Thanks!

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Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:02 pm

OH MY GOSH! I read 'Who Is She', and I loved it! I've read a lot of super lame stories and poems about suiside, (some of which I wrote,) but this peice really seemed to capture it. I love the repeated names you used, and I think it kept the story flowing smoothly. 
I read a few of your other peices, and most of them have the same amasing voice. Keep up the awesome work! 

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Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Awww thank you sooooo much :) yeah!!

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KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 4:56 pm

I really enjoyed this story and It kept me interested the whole way through so yu should definately continue it. The only thing that bothered me was the beginning. It felt a little awkard especially when you describe the tree. Also maybe you should make the main charcather slightly more sceptical so it is a  little more believable. Anyway, could you read my short story "Flower Girl (revised)"? Thanks and keep writing!

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