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Calling of the Trees

@nime.@ngel posted this thread...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 1:34 am

    I want to cry.... I want to cry, but not here...not here.... I cant let them see me cry. If they did I would break; I would crumble into a million pieces; too many to pick up, too small for any to see. I need to leave, I need to go, for only but I little while; I would have to come back when I'm done letting my fears go, so I can be strong tomorrow. I can't be strong unless a cry just once at least. That has never been seen and never will be.

    And so I go... I go where ever the heavy weight in my chest takes me. Where ever the weight that has become apart of me can go.Where it can feel consoled. I need a place that can comfort me, the atmosphere itself can feel like a hug full of warmth being wrapped you. Where it takes me is the woods. It's so quiet, but not silent. It's quiet, but it has a sound.... I listen so deeply to the life filled within the woods, in everything; in the plants; in the animals; in the bugs, and the almost silent sweet calls of the trees. I feel that it is my home and always have been; I have been here before in another life maybe. I hear them calling and so I begin to cry like I'm a kid again. I cry and cry, I forget how long I do. I think I fall asleep in the soft grass next to the tree that keeps calling me; it's indecipherable words lull me to sleep . I wake with my tears dry,and the weight gone as if it was never there at all.

    I go back to my other home feeling stronger and lighter I have ever felt before. I think to myself that I want to hear the trees again..... I want to go.... I want to go back, but not now.... not now; I can't wait though, to hear the calling of the trees again... the only ones I will ever let to see me cry...

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KateyKat replied...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 6:11 pm

This is very well written, as the reader empathizes with the character. I love the way you describe the character's feelings. Well done, keep up the good work. If you were to expand on this I would maybe go in depth as to why the character feels trapped in this emotional despair. If you have the time would you mind looking at my new piece Lurking Shadows and commenting on it for me? Thanks, have a nice day.

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dubluv replied...
Jan. 15, 2013 at 5:14 pm

this specific article shows a lot of pain and streangth and also has very good imagery, but some of the imagery isn't very clear.

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Macki- replied...
Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:19 pm

This story is extremely well written.
It shows depth and the imagery used is awesome, it ties everything together as so that you feel as if the character is you.
Good job. :)
~   ~   ~

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Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:21 pm

It was good and I liked it a lot, but I think you could have dialed down the crying sentences a little bit so that it could stand out more. In the first couple of words you said "cry" three times. And when reading, it sounds twice as much. Maybe if you can focus on something other than her urge to cry every other paragraph at least, the reader can really feel her sadness more than what is already portrayed. But this was very nice, so don't get me wrong. Just a suggestion.
Can you check out some of my work? Any will do and would be very much appreciated. :) Thanks!

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@nime.@ngel replied...
Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:57 pm

thanks i didnt see that i'll look for stuff like that when i write next time. I like constructive criticsim thanks for the help!

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@nime.@ngel replied...
Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:59 pm

oh and yea i'll cheak your works out too!!

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KenyaLove41 replied...
Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:10 pm

I really enjoyed your piece and the beautiful imagery that you added it. You captured the narrator's emotinswonderfully the only thing that I didn't like about it was that it wasn't longer(:

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@nime.@ngel replied...
Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:25 am

thank you reading!! it means alot!

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