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Feedback welcomed. (Untitled)

spiraling posted this thread...
Jan. 5, 2013 at 10:42 pm

With our fingers interlocked, we carelessly strolled through the park catching jealous stares. His smile lit up the darkness he held inside. My heart was warm,burning, engulfed in lovely flames. The butterflies in my stomach flew freely igniting extreme nausea. I could feel his eyes staring down on me as I fidgeted with my hair and stared at the ground feeling clueless as we sat on a cold bench. I was his goddess. His lips  eventually went wondering, following the path of my collarbones, up my neck, and lightly caressing my cheek and soon enough finding my lips in the process.Everything seemed perfect. It always seemed perfect. Until the crack of dawn interupted and woke me up. Everything seemed perfect in my dreams. Reality on the other hand, I beg to differ.

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jetta.blissThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:58 am

Interesting! I like it. THe only thing I didn't really love was the cliche "and it was all a dream" ending. However, it seemed to fit your story well, and you disguised it very skillfully as well.

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KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Okay so one word: beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! Please Continue and keep writing(:

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spiraling replied...
Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Thank you. :)

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