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Need an editor/reviewer/beta?

weaselruler posted this thread...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Hi, I'm new here, but I love to read other people's work and give suggestions for edits and revisions.  I'm especially thorough with grammar and sentence wording (if you want that sort of feedback).  
Tell me if you want me to read your work! (nothing super long though)

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A_Fate_UnknownThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I would love some feedback on the last Isari, I only have posted the first chapter which is pretty short, about 5 pages long

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weaselruler replied...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Here are specific suggestions for each paragraph of the first section (mainly grammar).  Tell me if you want more.  Like I said, I am very thorough, perhaps too much for some.
Here goes.
P1: man's should have an apostrophe, comma after "this", comma after "him."  Intriguing start.
P2:  ---
P3:  comma after "soldier"
P4:  capitalize "with," comma after "that," delete "back," change "she had come from" to "from which she had come."
P5:  "height" is misspelled, delete "of" in "all view of more than..."  other than that, I really like the word choice and description in this paragraph
P6:  comma after "blade," specify whose camp, don't just say "their camp" when the reader doesn't know yet.  Change "to dispose of" to "for disposal."  (it is technically incorrect to end a sentence with a preposition like "of")
P7:  change the period after "all" to a comma, add a comma after "molar," add a comma after "disgusted," change the period after "looks" to a comma, change the word "commonality" to attitude or something like that, because it is a little weird in that sentence.  I know what you are trying to say but I think commonality is the wrong word.
P8:  comma after "guards." The second sentence would sound better as "No armed man was permitted inside the War Marshal's chamber" or something similar.  Don't separate the adjective (armed) from the subject (whoever is entering the chamber).  Instead of "a wooden desk made out of mahogany," just say "a mahogany desk."  

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CammyS replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:32 am

Goodness, you are thorough! Could you look at either of my short stories? I don't care which, though in my opinion Idiots is better. Oh and one more thing- could you post the changes on the story instead of here? Thank you so much! 

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KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:57 am

could you please comment and rate my short story "The Waiting Room?(: it would be greatly appericated and you leave the comment on the story

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SunnySummers replied...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm

If you're not too busy editing everyone's work, I'd love for you to look at my thread Completed My First Nanowrimo. I'm just posting excerpts and hoping for feedback. Thanks! =D

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KnitsandPurls replied...
Dec. 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I would love to have an editor like you look at my work. I am aware of some of the minor errors in my work, but I would be interested to see what I have missed.
I have a piece called "Snowballs and the New Year"
Thank you so much for your offer, whether or not you get around to my piece.

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iam4evermyself replied...
Dec. 8, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Hi, I'm still new. Just put up more post and writings. Can't wait 2 read it

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WhenItRains21 replied...
Dec. 9, 2012 at 10:32 am

If you could read through a couple of my short stories, "The Script" and "Venice," that would be great.
Thanks!

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Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:32 am

Could you look at my article Fire and Ice? It's an excerpt from a longer story. Thanks!

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guardianofthestarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:51 am

could you read my story Cupid?

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JujuHeartStarr replied...
Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Hi, I just made this account. I want to post my stories and get some feedback/critques,editor for them, but I'm afraid someone will steal it. Can you help me?

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Snowflakes replied...
Dec. 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

If you could read any of my short stories, that would be great :) 

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FauxedTea replied...
Dec. 16, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Would you read one (or more) of my poems, Bubble, Little Leaf, or Effects of Music? That would be great and welcome to TeenInk!

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IMSteelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:11 pm

If you would please read "The Voyages of the Waved Albatross" and provide feedback, I would really appreciate it.  It's only three chapters long, though I'm currently working on the rest of it.  Thanks!

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