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Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Fiction & Short Stories > Prologue for a book. Thoughts? (Keep in mind this is the first thing I've written in months)

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Prologue for a book. Thoughts? (Keep in mind this is the first thing I've written in months)

Queen_Of_FictionThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:27 pm

     Lockers slam and students call out to their friends down the hall. Teachers scurry from classroom to classroom, trying to keep their lesson plans from falling about the floor. A group of girls walk past me, shooting me death glares that couldn’t even kill a fly. These girls had once been my friends. But I’d made choices. Choices that involved erasing people from my life. Choices that involved rewriting my story. I shoot the girls a death glare of my own before turning up the volume on my iPod.
     Music fills my ears as I rest my head against the white concrete ‘brick’ wall. A loud scream causes a few heads to turn, but I just continue to turn up my music. It wasn’t until a bang fills the air that I shoot up from where I’m sitting. A thin cloud of smoke hangs in the air; a freshman boy lies on the ground clutching his bleeding shoulder. A pocket knife lays only a few inches away from his outstretched hand. Another idiot who brought a knife to a gun fight, I think as my eyes search the shooter’s face. Blank and emotionless. Just like the others usually were.
     What many people, especially the freshman, don’t realize is that Hope Field High School isn’t like the other high schools. It’s normal for us to have an average of five fights a day. Students are legally allowed to carry weapons on their person. People are used to running away from those that are armed. But not at Hope Field High. At Hope Field High, it’s the unarmed students that prove to be the most dangerous; it’s the unarmed students you have to watch out for. That’s what makes him and me so dangerous. That’s what makes him and me so d*mn powerful.

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Super_Mario_ProseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm

OOoo I like it. Not to compare everything to the Hunger Games, but it has that sort of feel in the way of 'kids killing each other and not caring'. This seems certainly original (not to give you the wrong idea by comparing it to the Hunger Games). Very, very good. I like how at the beggining you displayed typical school behavior, but then broke the mood with a death.
 
Good work!

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newgirl replied...
Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Hmmm, I like it to but i dont really understand the last paragraph i get the ambeguity of it all but maybe clarify a little more as to not leave the reader completely mistified.

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Ray445This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm

this sounds really good! Is there going to be any more??

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Hopeless_AngelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 16, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Mario: Hahaha, yeah. I guess you could say it sounds a little Hunger Games-ish. That wasn't the intention, but I get where you're coming from.
 
newgirl:  Well, this is just the prologue, as well as the first thing I've written in months. Think of it more as a rough draft for the prologue. And, seeing as it's the prologue, I obviously will explain things as the story  progresses. I've written before; I know what to do.
 
Ray445: Of course there will be more! I wouldn't even dream of leaving this the way it is. And thank you oh so very much for such positive feedback :)

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