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I'll check out your work!

KenyaLove41This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I would love it if you could read and comment on my short story "Flower Girl" thanks(;

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HighTops replied...
Aug. 10, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Hiya!:) Could you please take a look at my novel-in-progress? It's called A Road Less Traveled, in the action-adventure section. Thank you!:)

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ObbsessiveBookwormThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 11, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Could you please read and comment on my short story 'Michaeline'? I would resally appreciate some feedback. Thank you!

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MidnightFire replied...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

For some reason the fourms haven't been letting me post stuff (idk why, its not like something got caught in the filter or anything) so idk if this will post, but could you just check out anything that catches your eye :) thanks soooooo much.

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MidnightFire replied...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 4:48 pm

For some reason the fourms haven't been letting me post stuff (idk why, its not like something got caught in the filter or anything) so idk if this will post, but could you just check out anything that catches your eye :) thanks soooooo much.

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WSwilliams replied...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Hello! I have a story in the forums called "W.S Williams presents: "In the Deep" Feedback please" and I would like to have some feedback for it since its for a contest. In exchange, I'll look at your work. Thanks!

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Pretzel..DreamThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Hi! Could you check out either  "Terra" or "Jenny and Angel"  please? 

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LexiJane replied...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 3:49 pm

HI :). This isn't finished yet, but if you could tell me what you think that would be great!
 
 I run my fingertips along the smooth, hard wood of the picture frame. I'm smiling in the photo. If you don't look too closely you'd think I was happy. My father's arm rests casually across my shoulders and my mother stands stiff and straight on my other side. Her blonde hair is blowing in the wind and her smile is strained, like the effort of pretending to be happy for even just one moment is too much for her. I want to be angry at her for not trying harder, but instead a wave of pity crashes over me, and I wish I wasn't so empathetic because now I can feel tears prickling at the back of my eyes, threatening to ruin my carefully applied make-up.
 
I gently dab at my eyes with a tissue. Lissa warned me that waterproof makeup would be better, but I had ignored her. My stocks of makeup, though limited, are all I need, and the thought of spending any money on more did not appeal to me. I already had the difficult task of scraping together enough money to get a taxi from the airport. I'm not sure what I would have done if my dad hadn't paid for my flight.
 
  I turned around only to come face to face with Paige Sheridan. I groaned inwardly. Yet another reason I had failed to return home since I'd left. Paige Sheridan was not what you would call beautiful. Her nose was a bit too long and pointy, her forehead too big, her eyebrows too bushy and her stomach too wobbly. However Paige was an expert at fixing things. I heard she even started her own company, where she did something like "fixing your house decor so you no longer had to be embarrassed by your lack of fashionable furniture". And people paid her for it! That was the part I really couldn't understand, because although Paige had a talent for hiding flaws she generally covered them up so outrageously that you began to wonder were the flaws actually better than the end result.
 
 As she focused her sickly sweet smile on me I found my eyes trailing over her new and improved look. Last time I saw her was the day we finished school. Back then it had been a couple of years since the eyebrows had been plucked and Paige had discovered the miracle of cosmetics. She gave me a hug goodbye, I remember that clearly as the scent of her perfume was left lingering on my clothes all day, and we might have exchanged some impersonal good luck wishes. I admit, my memory of that day is somewhat clouded. Despite looking better (or worse depending on what your opinion is on thick layers of makeup and strategically placed nose piercings) than her twelve year old self apparently how she looked as a teenager wasn't enough for Paige now. At seventeen Paige had still had a bit of a belly, but this was hidden with tops that tightened at her bust and flowed at her stomach, her hair was cut so that it swept along her forehead, also, conveniently, hiding her eyebrows should she ever miss her weekly appointment to get them plucked and waxed, a diamond stud was forever on her nose, I suppose it was the only thing she could think of to distract people from the size and shape of it, and of course her makeup was piled on so thick you could have scrawled her face and still failed to hit skin. The dress Paige is wearing now is skin tight on her flat stomach, she's done away with the nose piercing, replacing it with plastic surgery and it seems like she had something done to her lips as well, judging by the plumpness of the smile she gives me. Her hair and makeup are still the same and I can smell her overpowering signature perfume. I suppose it's good to know some things never change.
 
  I return her look with a tight smile before turning and preparing to leave, but before I can reach a safe distance I feel long nails digging into my arm to stop me.  "Ashley Collins I have not seen you in like forever!"
 
 If there's one thing you can say about Paige it's that she will always treat everyone like they're her best friend. That doesn't mean she won't talk about you behind your back, but at least it counts for something.
 
 "I mean it's been, what? Four years?"
 
  Four years, three months and eight days.
 
  "You just like totally disappeared! We have to keep in contact when you leave this time, kay?" She reaches a perfectly manicured hand into her designer handbag and pulls out a business card. She hesitates a moment and then pulls out something else.
 
  "It's got all my numbers and my email address," she says, handing me the card, "and, um, for your dress." She gives me a makeup wipe, eyeing my shoulder pointedly. "It should get it off," she says looking doubtfully at the stain.
 
  I sigh. I didn't have time to wash this dress before I came and it was the only thing I owned that was suitable.
 
 
  "Thanks," I murmur, wiping at what I think is strawberry yogurt. When it becomes clear it's hopeless I take my hair out of its sensible ponytail and let my long brown curls out over my shoulder.
 
  Paige smiles, "Much better. And, by the way, I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I mean it's really good to see you, I just wish it was under better...circumstances."
 
  I nod, feeling the tears building up again, but I force my expression to remain neutral.
 
   Just when I think Paige is going to say something else I'm saved by a tap on my shoulder. I turn and then freeze, unable to speak, think or do anything to hide the fact that I am openly staring at him.
 
  Paige jumps in, "Oh, hi Danny. Long time no see."
 
  She flashes him a smile, but he barely glances at her. His eyes are focused on me. I wish he'd look away for one second, just a moment for me to at least try and get myself together.
 
  "I guess you guys have some talking to do." She gives us one last knowing look, then backs away, still within hearing range, but pretending to be very interested in the flowers on the coffee table.
 
  Danny's eyes flash away for a moment when he sees Paige leave. It's enough. I take a gulp of my drink and then say, "So, how've you been?"
 
  He ignores my question and stares right at me. I find myself getting lost in his inky blue eyes. I shake my head, trying to focus.
 
   "I'm really sorry about your mom," he says.
 
   I can hear the sincerity in his voice more than I could in anybody else's. I nod; it's all that I'm capable of doing while I fight the sob that chokes the back of my throat. I look down to compose myself and when I look back up he's still staring at me, his unrelenting gaze daring me to say something. I start to see him properly for the first time. His hair is shorter, not falling across his eyes like it used to. It's still dark and tousled but the shorter cut makes him look older. He's filled out a bit. His skinny teenage figure replaced by muscles. His height doesn't make him look tall and awkward anymore, instead he looks strong and dangerous. I wonder if that was his motorcycle I saw parked outside. He always said he wanted one, and it would certainly suit his new look.
 
   I realize how long I've been looking at him and open my mouth to speak, painfully aware that minutes are passing by and I haven't said a word. But I have no idea what to say. He raises an eyebrow expectantly. I shut my mouth and look down. Maybe there really is nothing to say. Danny's face tightens, his eyebrows knit together in frustration. I guess he was expecting more than silence.
 
   He shakes his head slowly, "Well," he says, "I guess it was good to see you."
  
  He doesn't sound like he means it.
 
  I down the rest of my drink while watching him walk away. It's a sight that's all too familiar to me. But it's probably hypocritical of me to bring up mistakes he made in the past. After all, he was the one who always came back, and I couldn't say the same about me. I felt a throbbing pulse above my eye. All these blasts from the past were giving me a headache. I headed for the bathroom, keeping my head down and my hair in front of my face to avoid being recognized by anyone else.
 
  Slamming the door behind me, I collapse on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. I stick my head between my knees and focus on breathing, trying to forget the reason I'm here and the conversations I just had. That was, if you could call them that. Thinking back, I realize I'd barely spoken a full sentence.
 

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LexiJane replied...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 3:50 pm

....and her'es the end (it was too long :/)
 
I'd imagined my reunion with Danny so many times. Situations and conversations played over and over in my head on lonely nights in the city when the only company I had was the constant roar of traffic and the sound of the couple in the apartment next to me fighting until one of them fell asleep. There were plenty of times when I'd imagined myself speechless. I was realistic enough to see that as a definite possibility, but the rest of the situation was off. Generally in my fantasies Danny was either happy to see me or he was raging mad over me leaving him without a goodbye or an explanation. I hadn't thought about this in between state, one where he wasn't overjoyed by my reappearance in his life nor was he still bearing a relentless grudge. No, this was worse than I had ever imagined, Danny seemed almost indifferent. Anger I could have dealt with, at least that means he still cares, but indifference, that would tear me up inside.

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realbeautifulheart replied...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 4:06 pm

If you could check out anything by me, that would be awesome :)

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MineSkipe replied...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 6:38 am

could you please check out my short story Haunch?

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TatielThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 7:26 am

Hey, if you could check out my novel called The Mermaid's Kiss, that would be great. It is really NOT a novel, but it was literally only 100 characters longer than the character limit for a short story -_- So I had to submit it in three parts as a novel. If you don't want to read the whole thing, that's fine, though. =) thank you so much!
*gives link*
TeenInk.com/novels/romance/book/101994/The-Mermaids-Kiss//

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Katsa08 replied...
Aug. 16, 2012 at 7:27 am

Do you mind checking out the first chapter of my novel - "In Between Spaces - First Chapter"? Thanks!

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KnitsandPurls replied...
Aug. 19, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Could you read my (Fairly short) pice entitled "She is a Dancer"
(I have three more pieces if you like what you see. he he.)

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KateyKatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:08 pm

My second article just recently got approved by the editors, you would be doing me a huge favor if you could read it and maybe comment on it. I love feedback, good or bad. Thx lots!   ;D

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KateyKatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:08 pm

My second article just recently got approved by the editors, you would be doing me a huge favor if you could read it and maybe comment on it. I love feedback, good or bad. Thx lots!   ;D

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FlameSeeker373 replied...
Aug. 20, 2012 at 8:54 am

Could you please read my story Brave ( nothing like the movie) and my other story Gone in the Night? That would be great! Thanks! :)

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KateyKatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

I have another aticle that was approved this morning, would you check it out?

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animalluvr4evrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"The Story of a Normal Girl and her Idol"
Just so you know, this is really personal to me.  It's a true story about what has happened between me and my idol (its under nonfiction).  But, I have put it into diary entries.  I write one every night as my version of therapy.  The guy I am dedicating my diary entries to (the one in my story is not his real name) is the only happiness in my life anymore.  Just thought I'd let you know.

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Boota replied...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm

THANK YOU CAN YOU PLEEEEASE CHECK OUT To War Through Time and The Sea and into the flames... plus any others if you would like... i REALLY appreicate it.

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