9 for Kendra - she portrays the often unknown brokenness of many who dedicate their lives to others and their country.
What I mean is that alone, each of your characters would be like 8.5s of something like that. Each are well constucted, having talents and flaws. But, one chacater's talent in a way makes up for another's flaw. For example, Dudley is quick to throw a punch at Parker, but cause Parker can't hold a grudge, they fit together like two puzzle pieces. I knoticed things like that about a lot of the character's traits, when two of them have a chance of creating friction, another one of them always has a trait that will easily soothe the tension. They just seem to fit together a little too well, a little too perfect.
uhg- whoops again! that last reply was to asiam
8 to Kendra, for the same reasons I gave an 8 to Kalie. Common traits and common plot, but never paired together.
Preechyteen: Ahh, I see. :) I will try to create some more friction between them - for example, Piper kind of bothers Dudley because she is logical like him, but always comes back with a different spin on things. Also, I don't want to give away too much, but Bella and Parker have their issues.... But mostly, I sort of want them to fit together fairly well (though I agree, I need them to fit a wee bit less perfectly) because their main concerns are outside enemies...
8 to Kendra (she sooooooo reminds me of Mulan...as does the whole plot, even though it's really different)
Yeah, I thought Kandra was like almost exacly like Deborah Sampson...
Okay, so I think I'll change Parker's name, so the real Parker will have a harder time when figuring out which character is based off of him. Which name do you like?
Robin: Which sounds cool
Ike: Which means laughterIan: Which means John which means laugher
I liked Kendra up until she disguised herself as a boy and joined the army...it's been done too many times and is highly improbable, especially for that time period and what we know of her personality. If she's so responsible and caring and all that, why would she just abandon her depressed mother? For the rest of it, I'd give her a 8 or 9. Plot gets a 5, though.
I'm not sure because I'm not the one writing Kendra, but I do know that some people just snap. And when the rest of your family (except your mother) has been killed in the line of duty, and your "family looks upon you as a disgrace", you are probably losing a lot of will to live, and what better way to risk your life than in service? It would be hard to choose the mother who hates you over the chance to choose a new identity and fight (and perhaps die) a hero. Also, it is surprisingly easy to disguise yourself as a guy, in war at least.
Lemme do another character from RACBAN--one of my favorites, Arkaya.
Arkaya is a four year old seer. She's the first one since the First Lady herself. She's tiny, and despite her age she could almost be considered beautiful with dark, snarly brown hair, porcelain skin and rosebud lips...except for her eyes. Her large, luminscent eyes, which are pure silver. No whites, no irises, no pupils--just silver.
It's not just her physical appearance that makes her different. Arkaya has the intelligence of a smart adult, because otherwise she wouldn't be able to tell others what she'd Seen. Aside from Esa, Arkaya has the closest connection to Anaia of all the Gifted Ones--the visions are sent to her by Anaia herself.
This is what makes Arkaya interesting--unlike Ottie(who I have not explained about yet), she's not sweet, bubbly, and innocent. The best word to describe her would probably be...bitter.
But she certainly has reason. When she was born, the village people wanterd to kill her or run her out of the village. Her mother protected her for as long as possible, but died when Arkaya was one. The villagers abandoned Arkaya in the woods, expecting her to starve to death or be eaten. If it weren't for Melly, she would've been.
Melly, who was already heading for the camp, found Arkaya and brought her there, and she's been living there ever since. While the girls there treasure her visions, they shun Arkaya herself. Her tent is set apart from the rest, and hardly anyone can look at her without flinching. She knows what they call her: "witch child", "freak", "evil omen". She's dry and sarcastic, and most of her comments have a bitter undertone.
Yet she is concerned for the good of all. She will do anything to make sure their cause succeeds. Including sacrificing herself. There's a scene I could tell you about if you want.
As you can probably tell by the super-long explanation, I love Arkaya. She's my dear.
7.5 for Arkaya. Great character traits and obviously quite well developed, but I just think so many stories have her character. All-knowing-one, shunned by those around her, turned hard by their coldness, but secretly good-hearted and noble. A really, truly great character, but that's why people use her so much!
Mm, but you see, the good-hearted and noble part...it's just not really like that. She just feels she has to do what she can, like it's her obligation--she was given this Gift, for the first time in four millennia, and has to use it.
I'm feeling bad, rating all of your characters but posting only one of mine- so here's another one, critisize to your heart's content.
The best way I can explain her is by being NOT a werewolf. She transforms into a wolf-girl when there is a new moon, or an unfortunatley cloudy night. She is decendent from a civilization of moon worshipping people. They were in close contact with the wolfs, and sang to the moon as the wolfs howled at it. They had celebrations every night they saw the moon, especially if it was in full- but were at a loss every night they didn't get to see it. As part of their moon celebrations, they would share a feast with the wolfs, but every night they moon was absent and the wolfs were not fed- the wolfs would take their meat from th people- one way or another.
Generations of wolf and human blood being split together lead to mixing of blood, and this is a reletivley mangical world, so eventually the new wolf/human race was born. As the civilization died out and their religion vanished, the people began to filter out most of the wolf blood in their vein through blood-letting and mating with full-humans. Most desendant from the race now live normal lives, unaware of their heritage. Rudi, however, had parents and acentors who continued the civilizations traditions, and is still fully affected by the absence of the moon.Let's see, overall she's secretive, due to her need to keep her identity unknown. She's rather knowledgable about the weather, seeing as she checks it religiously and knows a great deal about metiorology. She finds wolf and people beautiful, but hates that she's a cross and wishes she could be one or the other. She has ratty brown hair, and oddly curved fingernails. Fairly tall at 5 '7, muscled and her best feature is her eyes- piercing like a wolf's. SHe has friends but isn't wildly popular.
I'd give her an eight for creativity--having her change into a wolf but not actually be one. And the plot seems well-developed and intriguing. I like how she doesn't sound beautiful.
Oh, I like Arkaya better now that you explain her that way- so she's like, cynical? I think that trait could go well with her. And about Rudi- no she's not beautiful at all, although she's wonderfully vain. She's a very charming little she-wolf every night, which is part of the addiction in the love-hate relationship she has with being a wolf. She'd love to be beautiful, but she know's her human form is anything but.
Oh now that's interesting, it adds some complexity.
And yes, Arkaya is very cynical. She has a very unhappy, dark view of the world, and doesn't really believe in happy endings.
Ok, so is this the fish-chick in the story of another girl? Cause it would be sorta weird to have 2 seers in the same story.
No, but the fish with the human head was an extremely minor character, and she could only see things vaguely, it was mainly for foreshadowing. Arkaya is a fairly large character who gets specific visions.
What oart was the little fish-girl in again? I forget which one... anyway, yeah. SO I have a question about your stories- more specifically the world. You've created your own plast with all of the gods and goddesses and stuff, and yet you have in the world normal supernatural things like seers. How does that work, really? It's half from your head, and half from this world, and sometimes I don't get how those to coexist.