No Title As of Yet, but Comments and Suggestions Are Greatly Appreciated
--From the dark side of the moon,
To the deepest of the gloom,
From the evilest of temptation,
To the point of no salvation,
I walk with no goal,
And I fear no soul.--
Darkness. That’s what you would find if you opened my chest and peered at my heart. Cold, hard, darkness. I am capable of anything, even murder. Perhaps I have already told you too much, but that’s ok because I can find you and kill you without hesitation. You understand me now. Perhaps you even fear me. Excellent.
The first day of spring. What a beautiful cliché. The birds chirp, the sun shines, a gentle wind blows, and the screams of my prey are heard by none. What a perfect day. She thrashes around, trying to escape, but even she must realize that she’s doomed. The shattered bones jutting out of her leg from under the bolder should be evidence of that. I’ve seen people bleed out enough times that I can estimate her remaining time on this miserable planet to be about three minutes.
I taunt her; tease her, by placing my gun to her temple. I do not pull the trigger though because that would be kind and I want her to suffer. I’m sure you’re wondering what she did to me and I’ll tell you: nothing. She just happened to be here, but she’ll never leave, not even in a body bag. Two minutes left and she’s reduced to moaning and crying as she is now too weak to even scream. I can see in her eyes now that she knows she is close to death, and this pleases me. The part that they realize, that part is the best. I smile at her, but it is a smile full of menace and cruelty, nothing more. She seems to have gone into shock, which is not ok with me because that means she does not really know what’s going on anymore. I stomp on her disfigured leg just above the knee, and am rewarded with a flash of agony across her face. Less than a minute remaining, and only now do I wonder about her name. Not that it matters any, but it would be nice to know who to send my condolences to. I reach out and take her purse from around her neck. Searching, I find thirty dollars cash, a picture of a boy, and some spear-mint gum. Three sticks are missing from the pack, and the picture is slightly worn. The back of the picture says, “John Eron, Five years old, December 21, 2009.” I glance up from the picture of my next victim in time to see the woman die, and I smile. A perfect day indeed.
This is a little different from anything that I usually write, so it may not be all the great. In any case, comments and suggestions would be great. Thanks!!!
Maybe, to be like seriously sinister, call it the first day of spring.
This is a lil dark, tho..., to much 4 me
Thanks for reading, and yeah, it is dark.... Lol
I promise I'm not like this though :)
Just telling you, I'll rather say it here than on the actual randomness forums, gimme a minute, I'm going to pull up of my threads here.
And the story was pretty good, Kal. Not like you, but I can hear the authority in your words, kinda reminds me of Jack's writing (that's a good thing).
And thanks :)
I really liked the poem thing you started it with...but after that I think might need a little work to seem more...real...but, this is really good, Kal, I like this a lot better than some of your other things...=)
ahha Ik ur not like this, i did think it was good. Being the fanatic I am, I have to ask... is he a vampire, or just a murder?
Thanks Freddi :)
And laughter, he's just a murderer.
I think it was written well, but it was way too dark for my taste.
If you add more, maybe make it so he changes in the end . . . ?
But that kind of writing is great, keep it up. :)
Haha, I find it funny that people say this is too dark for their tastes. I get why you guys are saying it, but it's still funny.
Thanks for reading/commenting Dreamer!
how does the rest of the story go???
lol this was...amazing!!! i cannot wait to read more!! write fast little kal =D
You'll have to wait and find out Pensive.
haha you cant ignore me :P your on the friggin phone with me.....
fine i take it back =D your not little.......even tho i am older than you :P
but honestly, i'm with purplesmoke, it was super awesomness!!!
Yes... Yes I can hannah...
Thanks Venus! :)
Dang... but still, very dark and really good. What you end up naming it?
Kal, you are ultimately the one who can determine a suitable title because you know every detail about your story--I suggest picking some small detail that is present throughout the narrative/article and presenting that singular idea in a unique way (personal title-making formula). But if you haven't come up with anything yet, how about....something with 'dark heart'?