Hey, I'm new to this sight (and also kind off new to sharing my work,,) Any thoughts or advise welcome :) Tx
Dark Cold Lonely A black hole now stands where my heart once did.
Tears burning behind closed windows But they still remain well hid
Just shut it off shut it off shut it off
Bitter Brutal Heavy Is the weight of life that drags you down
Happiness comes and goes like mist It will disappear again soon leaving you hunched on the ground.
So shut it off Shut it off Shut it off
I'm caught up in the storm with no way to escape.
Don't know if I'll survive..
So shut it off Shut it off Shut it off now you silly child!
Living here out in the open, Your bound to just get hurt. And afterward you'll be picking up
the broken pieces in the dirt.
Best to keep safe. Shut out the pain. Rebuild the broken walls To shield you from the rain.
It might still be lonely, But at least it is dry. Cut off the stone cold world outside, Stay hidden where they can't see you cry
Please, for your own sake!
Just shut it off Shut it off Shut it off...
Nice poem, only advise is to use commas or three periods instead of putting a lot space between phrases you want to seperate.
I like this. It's pretty cool. I like your rhyme scheme; it flows pretty well. I also agree with graywolf in using more commas and periods and less spaces. Overall, nice job!