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Sinking into Oblivion...

SaraBug posted this thread...
Oct. 14, 2013 at 3:55 pm

Feedback please!?!
 
SINKING INTO OBLIVION....
 
Life.
I feel it pulling me down
Deeper, deeper, deeper,
The weight is crushing me.
I can’t breathe.
I struggle for air but no relief comes.
I am shouting for help with every last ounce of energy  
But no one hears my cries.
 
They see me though.
They are watching me.
They are watching me fall.
Watching me sink deeper into the layers of oblivion.
 
I want out.
There is no escape on my own.
I need someone to help me.
But no one comes.
Will no one save me? 

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bresletgirls replied...
Oct. 15, 2013 at 1:46 am

The poem is actually very sweet ...it's great..but i think it would have gone wonderful and outstanding with some more emotions......otherwise it's good

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