Hi, I'm just looking for some feedback:) I have some published poems, some I'm waiting on, but I'm not really getting any comments, so I thought I'd check out the forums. Here it is:
one little sheep led astray,
with a few as well,
but all are wolves in wool.
now this sheep
stands in a beautiful flock,
but still all alone.
but, why not?
you could say mangled,
you could say ravaged.
but it's always been that way,
so you could say stuffed,
but engorged is better.
this little sheep has its own hidden beauty,
but takes the knives and daggers
to look at the stars.
Looking for a title especially, but also anything to help me write better, thanks:)
Wonderful. Has a slightly sad aura to it, and I don't usually like sad poems, but yours was beautiful. I appreciate how the poem has so much symbolism.
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it:)
Beautiful, and I tend to lean towards metaphorical titles a lot but mabe something about how the sheep goes through danger to see the beauty in the world or how often people ignore the beauty because it's hard to get there. Journey to the stars or something. Hope this helps!
thanks, appreciate it:)
this poem is great........i loved it
I would call it- The Price of Stars, due to the pain the sheep had to endure to see such a beauty. Definitely an original thought that was very creative! I think it is well written, but a little tweek you could do is find various ways to express the sheep as more than just "Sheep", possibly just scratch the surface a little more about what the sheep is like. (or physical appearance/personality). Otherwise, a very good poem! Keep it up :)