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Feedback for feedback, eh?

LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Jun. 11, 2013 at 11:51 pm

Hey there! Well, I do this pretty often, but I have some new poems up, so why not do another? ANYWAYS, if you comment on one of my new poems 'Nightswimming' or '7 Mislead Holidays' I will rate/comment on whatever 1 or 2 poems of yours that you want. Thanks (:

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ZeroDarkFlirty replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 12:17 am

Hi, Lexus! I'm a new member to the site, but I'd be more than happy to review your works for you! I only have two works to my claim here thus far, "Ships in the Night" (published today) and "Mirrored Walls" (yet to be published). If you could review Ships in the Night and Mirrored Walls, when it is posted, I'd greatly appreciate it! Thanks in advance!

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 1:16 am

Hey there, I LOVE your username! I rated/commented and I will be checking for the other poem!

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WrenArrington replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 9:07 am

I rated/commented on both Nightswimming and 7 Mislead Holidays. If you could just pick whichever two titles of mine catch your eye first, that'd be great. Thanks in advance.

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Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 2:23 pm

 
 
Hey Lexus! I'll take a look at both of them :) I just really want feedback on this poem I'm thinking of submitting but don't know if I should. Let me know what you think? :)
 
The Tower of an Anonymous Playwright
 
The tower:
Shhh…its holds something so near and dear,
A treasured possession (a golden clock and
A silver locket).
They keep a secret,
That I’ve buried deep inside of me.
The dragon:
Twining itself, winding, around the tower
Like a choking vine.
Ever-ready to incinerate in a fiery bath,
My long-kept desires and this
Terrible enigma.
The princess:
Curse her soul, she’d fled and forgotten a thing
More precious than her cheap
Freedom,
a vital organ you see,
Pulsing! Beating! Slowly dying… the clock ticking away
The hours until the locket will never
Again open—and then what?
The prince:
Look at him—Scrambling up the side of the tower,
It’s laughable, really, his ill-gotten
Valor, that doesn’t do him any good—does it?
He never quite reaches the top, failing
Over and over,
As there’s no princess to let down her hair.
And then there’s me:
Watching it all impassively, knowing how the struggles
Are all in vain, mere scripts to act out.
I know this as surely as the tower is my heart,
The locket my love,
The clock my life,
And the dragon, you see, is my hatred—I want my prince to die.
But I still don’t know who the princess is
And why she left.
Could you tell me, please?
Is she the child in my mind, my innocence, and when she left,
She left behind a dying heart, and a fire-breathing dragon?
Or is she simply a ghost, an unwelcome
Fiend,
All the dem.ons inside of me
Finally released,
And when the clock strikes twelve and I do indeed die—
I’ll wake up tomorrow
Anew?
Or, please tell me this is not it (as I shiver at the thought)
That she’s the director?
The writer
Of this terrible, clichéd tragedy? Because you know,
It really is funny
That if it’s true, then I’ve known it all along,
Dreamt of it, even,
On those cold, weary nights alone in my own tower
When the world is on repeat
And I realize
How I am merely doomed to become her someday, and I’ve
Been recycled by Fate,
Spit up into this world and shoved in a tower,
And told I was someone else—
Who am I?
I am the god forsaken fire-breathing dragon
I am the cowardly princess
I am the idiot prince with a false sense of duty
My own worst enemy,
My own demo.ns,
This is me, take it or leave it—and do you want to know the most
Frightening thing of all?
I’ll tell you the secret:
I’ll never escape my tower (have you figured it out yet?)
 no matter how hard I run
Or how many clocks I wind up,
Because the clock will strike twelve again and again,
And I’ll die,
And I’ll only switch roles in this terrible, pre-destined
Show, written by a dam.ned, sadistic, anonymous
Playwright,
Who won’t even reside for a minute (is it too much to ask?)
In the tower she’s made so nicely
for me.
 

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 2:27 pm

Hey there, thanks. I rated/commented on 'The Girl and the Waves' and 'Masquerade'.

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 2:34 pm

JADE. YOU HAVE TO POST THAT POEM. That is amazing. I love it! I love the different characters, the dragon, the princess, and the prince. And I love the descriptions of them, so specific. I really enjoyed the length of the poem, I always try to write long ones and it never works out. I love the vocabulary in here. This was wicked, the little bits of darkness are great. I love this poem. You should absolutely post it.

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Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Okay, thank you :) I'm in love with your poem night swimming XD it was really cool! Thanks for your help, I appreciate it :)

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estucker1998 replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Hey Lexus! It feel like it's been FORVER! I have one new poem and one new "personal experience" short story (War of the Clouds and You've Changed) up that I would love for you to read! And I will happily read both of your poems! Thanks!

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kikixkupkake replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:03 pm

I'll comment on your poetry, would you mind reading some more of mine?

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PhoenixCrossing replied...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:13 pm

I'll check out yours right now! Can you please read and critique my poem Rest Softly on Angel Wings? Thanks!

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:08 pm

Hey Elizabeth! Yeah, it's been a long time.. I haven't talked to you in awhile. I will read those shortly. I read War of the Clouds, I thought I commented. But, I'll do it again!
 
Kiki, I rated/commented on 'Glory to Squirrels' and thank you for the wonderful comment you left me.
Phoenix, I rated/commented. Thanks! 

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kikixkupkake replied...
Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:47 pm

Thanks Lexus!

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BlackbeltJamesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 15, 2013 at 1:28 pm

I rated and commented on both of them, very good.

As you've already commented on "The Jews Ghetto's" would you mind looking at my other two poems "She ain't no pussy cat" and "I'm halfway out, the choice is yours". Thanks :)

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BlackbeltJamesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 15, 2013 at 1:34 pm

hmmm, doesnt look like my comment on the thread work... (I'm trying not making a habbit of this).



Anyway, I have looked at both of your pieces; and as you have already commented on one of my poems theres only two left, but I do hope you can enjoy them, despite not being able to pick. Thanks :)

 

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 15, 2013 at 2:25 pm

Okay, Elizabeth, I rated/commented on 'War of the Clouds'.
 
And James, I rated/commented on 'She Ain't No Pussycat', but the comment didn't post, so I did it again and it still did not post. I think it will come up later. And I also rated/commented on 'I'm Halfway Out...' and that one did post.

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allielowy replied...
Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:28 am

Hi there,
I rated and commented on your poem nightswimming. I am just developing this poem called self portrait and I'd like some feedback (this is honestly a really recent piece so I need all the feedback I can get! Criticism included. I won't be offended.) Here it is:
self portrait
I’m 16.
Italian-born, Brooklyn- raised,
continually encapsulated in my own captivity,
fingers tracing bottomless claims
spiraling downhill in their elusiveness,
and although sometimes I yearn to break from this mold
I still can’t conceptualize my freedom.
 
It’s daybreak but as the sun lingers forth
I’ve yet to see my shadow;
my grandmother wears pride in the shape of a knitted scarf,
everyday I wade immersed in her legacy,
yet when I look at her
I don’t see my reflection.
 
I’m an Aries,
Not embarrassed to admit that I:
chase Junebugs in my free time,
 wallow away at the cusp of my sanity;
my mind an archipelago of incoherent whispers of hope
seeking to construe one sole question:
If tears fall yet no one cares enough to react
Do they really make a sound?
 

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Laugh-it-OutThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 18, 2013 at 4:18 pm

Hey Lexus! Long time no talk, again! I can't believe i keep on letting this happen, we have to check in more. Sooo, if i haven't already commented on Nightswimming i will do so immediately. I know that i read it but i am not sure of wether or not i commented. Anyway, what's up?! I am finally on summer vacation and though a ton of tears were shed leaving my old school i am overjoyed to be done with school. How about you, what's going on? Are you planning your next trip to New York? Haha just kidding but you never actually told me what you did while you were here and where you went. Anyway, hope all is well. Love, Liv

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:12 pm

Hey there, Allie, thank you for the comment. I really like the title! It really fits with the poem! Your vocabulary is wonderful! I like the beginnings of each stanza. I like how you ended this with a question. It felt like you ended it too quickly. I'd like to see a little more, like maybe two more stanzas before you end the poem. I think you could put two more in between the second and third stanza. But, yes, this is a good poem. Really interesting.
 
And Liv! Not much has been going on here.. my bestfriend and I have been hanging out a lot. We're trying to come up with some 'DIY' projects to do together for the next time we hang out. Um, my grandpa is coming to visit soon, so we'll be doing a lot of stuff when he visits. And yes, New York was great. I, of course, went to Central Park. Saw a broadway show. Went to the Top of the Rock. Went to great museums. Went shopping! And I am sorry about you having to leave schools. I hope your summer has been great so far!

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Hanban12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Hey! Id LOVE to rate/comment on ur pieces, if u'd do the same for me! Pick any two you're interested in. Thanks a ton!! :)

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