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RainForMe posted this thread...
Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:41 am

Wimpering.

The only way to show that we lost.

Crying.

The only way to truly remove our sorrow.

Screaming.

The only way to remove our fear. And the only way to cause it to come running back.

Nothing will keep away your problems, until you see them face, to face.

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:56 pm

Hey there. I like this, it's simple. I think that if you are going to write short lines that you should continue that throughout the whole poem, so maybe break-up the last two lines or shorten them. And I think that you should extend this poem, it has a lot of potential and I think it could be something wonderful. I like the breaks and how at the beginning of each line you only use one word, an emotion, a feeling. It's really good. Making it a little longer is the only big suggestion I have here. But, all in all, good job!

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JustAnotherOwl replied...
Apr. 28, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Hello! I really enjoy the breaks at the beginning, with the words "whimpering", "crying", and "screaming". I think it's a really interesting way to write the poem. That said, the last two lines don't quite flow right in this poem. Perhaps separating them into several different lines or something would help? Those are just my thoughts. As it is, it has a lot of potential and it is quite nice. I like it!
 
If you could comment on my poem "Doll House", it would be greatly appreciated!

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RainOnMe replied...
Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:31 am

Thank you so much! I will keep that in mind! :)

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RainOnMe replied...
Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:32 am

OK, I will workon that. Thanks!
 

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Chichot123 replied...
May 16, 2013 at 3:35 pm

Simple but beautiful. I love it :). Could you please read, rate and comment on my haikus "The Nearing Summer" and "The Night Sky"?

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