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Comments Please!!!!!!!!!!

summergirl2013 posted this thread...
Apr. 25, 2013 at 8:42 am

Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?

Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask.

It hides the grief, it hides the strife,

I wear this mask, to escape the knife.

Don't forget this, my pain is real,

I'm not lying, this is how I feel.

You sit there saying, it can't be true,

it is for me, just not for you.

You say my heart, must be a sight,

cold as ice, and black as night.

It's not my heart, only my soul,

but killing me, must be your goal.

You're getting close, I hope you know,

you really don't, have far to go.

Soon enough, I'll reach my end,

you'll have my soul, to tear and rend.

But you don't know, you never ask,

you never look, beyond the mask.

The look on my face, is giving me away,

I wonder now, what you will say?

You've asked me here, you'll know now,

I'll take it off, I'll take a bow...

I can't do it now, tell you the truth,

I must keep up, my pretense of youth.

"Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?

Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask"

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LexusMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:17 pm

Hey there! This is really, really good! I think the third stanza was absolutely priceless. This is a sad poem, the emotion is crazy good, I feel everything put into this. The rhymes are wonderful, this poem flows really, really well! Bravo. Your vocabulary is impeccable. You put images into the reader's head really well. I would suggest taking out a few commas, you don't really need to use one on every single line because sometimes there is a comma (pause) at places unnecessary. But, that is my only suggestion, and me being picky, so take it lightly. Great job!

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summergirl2013 replied...
Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:24 am

thank you so much! i agree with you about the commas though...i thought bthat when i wrote the poem but i never changed them. i am always willing to hear what others think. thank you so much!

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dragonsandthree replied...
Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:36 am

This is great! I really liked it. 

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Koralinya replied...
Apr. 30, 2013 at 11:44 am

Wow! Never in my life has a poem fit my life so perfectly at the right moment. This poem shows that you know what pain or pretending (or anything else related) is like. I really enjoyed this poem. Thanks for sharing it with us!

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