New Teen Ink Book: Bullying Under Attack Barnes & Noble Amazon

Facebook Activity



Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Poetry & Lyrics > His Hands (Feedback Please!)

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
   
Next thread » « Previous thread

His Hands (Feedback Please!)

HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 1:31 pm

Smooth hands
Find their way to hers.
Dancing,
Holding,
Comforting.
Gentle yet tough,
Soothing yet strong.
They waited in the shadows
Until she gave them light.
 
She says he can change
The world with just
A flick of his wrist.
With those loving hands,
He took her heart
And laced it with his.
 

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
alex2512 replied...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 2:12 pm

I love this. It's sweet and cute but really meaningful at the same time. I like the emotion you found with such a seemingly simple subject. Well done! :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Thank u! :) Should I rearrange the stanzas tho? or add an extra stanza? Does it seem too short? (Sorry just makin sure, and I feel like I need to change something) :P

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
alex2512 replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 4:10 pm

Well, it's up to you, but I thought the short length worked really well. It seemed to say a lot in a few word, which is good :) And I think the stanzas are fine :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:27 pm

ok thank u so much :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Alex_Writer replied...
Apr. 16, 2013 at 9:07 am

Great Poem!  Wrote a comment to your published poem

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback