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Tundra (Please comment)

HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:14 pm

This frozen, bitter wind
Grasps my life with clenched fists.
I sit in wasteland
Waiting in the shadows.
 
This frozen, bitter wind
Restrains what I do,
What I think.
My heart is chilled,
But I can feel it
Slowly melting.
 
This frozen, bitter wind
Selects who my true friends are.
It stings me with needles
And pressures my dreams.
 
This frozen, bitter wind
Changes my life,
Determining how I move,
How I work,
When I stop.
It constricts my wishes
And my desires.
 
But I will not allow
This frozen, bitter wind
To decide which path I take.
I will not let it leave me alone
Or take away my happiness.
 
This frozen, bitter wind
Is not my enemy,
But a true challenge
We must face.
Not alone-
But together.
 

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Alex_Writer replied...
Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:27 am

Wow! This is really good, you broght the feelings and emotions out together.

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HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Thanks :) any other feedback?? :)

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TheEpic95 replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Okay. Great poem! I had to stop and read it aloud. I loved it, and I loved it all. I liked the second and fourth stanzas best, i think. The only thing I noticed is the way you punnctuated the final one. Perhaps a better way would be... no actually I was wrong. That IS the best way. I just missread that part! So now I really dont have any advice to give, its good the way it is.

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TheEpic95 replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Oh, yeah. I forgot to say that I like how its a little vauge about what that restricting wind is. It allows the reader mentally insert thier own kryptonite without even having to try. An dthen of course you had the part at the end reminding them that they didnt fight the battle alone. Marvallous! Do you think you could look at a poem of mine called "Imperial Dust"? I would really apreciate hearing your thoughts.

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HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:30 pm

Sure, no problem! Ill look at it now :)

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HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Oh, i forgot to say thank u so much for your feedback :) I really really appreciate it :P

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TheEpic95 replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Np, i just wish I could have said more. But then again, its a good thing I had nothing helpful to say, it means you dont need much help on this one!

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HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:40 pm

Thanks :) Also, do u mind reading some of my other works? Id really appreciate ur opinion. :P

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HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 2, 2013 at 4:55 pm

Does anyone hav any other critiques :)

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laurengerhard replied...
Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:14 pm

This is beautiful! The only thing I would change is in the second to last stanza I would re-arrange the first three lines to: This frozen, bitter wind I will not allow To decide which path I take This way each stanza starts with the same line all the way through. :) Would you mind commenting / giving feedback on some of my work?

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HannahBanana99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:25 pm

sure, no problem!

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