My writing is becoming more and more eratic and creepy.. it doesn't even rhyme, or have structure anymore. Look:
now- Everything is broken, yet beautiful. Everything you do is perfect and I'm not sure why. I could just sit and stare into your eyes forever. Into your soul. Your soul. My Soul. I want you to eat my soul, chew it up, with those sharp teeth of yours. God, those sharp teeth. Eat it, consume it. Eat me, consume me. Let's become part of each other. A broken, yet beautiful morphing.
compared to - You can taste the sadness in the air,
The blue sky tainted with the red of blood,
The haunting sorrow and cold despair,
Hung there, like autumn leaves in the wood.
Under the blanket of the night sky,
They crept in and destroyed so silently,
The victims they chose were too young to die,
Their wounds inflicted so violently.
Now the young souls may not ever rest,
The curse runs deep through their purple veins,
Roaming the night, forever distressed,
Their pillows drenched in tears and blood stains.
Crimson liquor for them to enjoy,
The vampires feast on both girl and boy.
um... yah, that's scary. you should get that checked out.
just kidding though, seriously, your imagery is spectacular. it would be more pleasent if you could harness your descriptive powers and use them for the light! I don't understand why the first stanza is so longand the rest aren't,but I like it. great job.
could you read my forum thread 'ode of a song bird'? that would be great(thanks!)