Facebook Activity

Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Poetry & Lyrics > Feedback please!!!!!!!!!

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
Next thread » « Previous thread

Feedback please!!!!!!!!!

Zozey posted this thread...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:51 am

Hey I am going to send this to a horsie magasin to see if they want to publish it (fingers crossed!). Before I do I need to make it as good as possible, so any feedback will be appreciated! I will comment on one of your poems if you comment on this thanks! Oh, and please don't just tell me you liked it or disliked it, give me reasons why. Thank you so much!
What I love
Your powerful strides
Accompanied with the bulging muscles
Your amber coat
So silky, smoothing out from my hand
Your stamping hoofs
Impatient at being kept from your food
Your swiveling ears
As I spill my biggest secrets
Your gentleness
Taking the treat from my hand
Your big brown eyes
Gazing at me intently
Your love
Of food
Your love
Of simplicity
Your love
Of things smaller than you
Including me

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
RarelyJaded replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 12:24 pm

I like how most of the poem was about what you love of the horse and then you switch to how he loves you back:). I think the rhythm could be smoother, it's kind of chunky to read (if that makes sense), but overall very good!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
thatunknownthing replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 12:34 pm

very, very interesting, I got it that you were talking about a horse! 4/5 :)

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Zozey replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 4:44 pm

Thanks for the posting. I checked out Fragile Me, and You, and Joyful times. 

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback