Facebook Activity



Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Poetry & Lyrics > Feedback for feedback

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
   
Next thread » « Previous thread

Feedback for feedback

RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 11:50 pm

I will comment on anyone who reads this and comments! :)
 
Touch of the tip of your wondering hands,
I ache for the embrace.
 
Breeze of a sigh, of a lingering sigh, 
I feel it slipping, erased.
 
Murmurs of words that I long to hear,
I hate your silly lies.
 
Traces of tears long been replaced,
I hate this old disguise.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
solamar replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 3:55 am

Its quite nice, ill admit im not too good at interpreting poetry, but am I correct in saying that this is about one who lost their lover and is now putting on a brave face, but is aching inside?

Click my name to see my poems, I have 3 comment would be appreciated.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 11:20 am

:) sort of, it's about a girl who pines after someone who's distant and who used to love her. I will check out your work!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 11:26 am

Um, I can't find your work.... Are you sure it's posted yet?

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
thatunknownthingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 12:33 pm

'hate' was repeated in both the last stanzas, and otherwise, your poem was fairly good. not boring but not all that interesting either.3/5

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 1:29 pm

Thanks for the honesty:) The last two stanzas went together, so the repetition was purposeful. And I agree, it isn't my best work! Thanks for your feedback:) I'll go read something of yours now

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 1:33 pm

Haha, turns out I've read your work and commented before! But I found one that I hadn't read yet, I think it had something about lemon juice in it:) (sorry, can't remember the name of it)... You are a very talented writer!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
mrsmusicforlifeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 16, 2013 at 2:02 pm

Very good!

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:28 am

You're right, it isn't your best..but I liked the repetition....Plus the word "lingering" was amazing...

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback