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Feedback pweease :)

emma.slow posted this thread...
Feb. 14, 2013 at 11:01 pm

 




Not searching yet wanting, 

I keep an open heart all while I’m closing my eyes. 

I hear your voice. It’s taunting me inside.

These days I’m just so used to late night goodbyes. 



Find me, and hold me forever. 

I refuse to be broken any more than this. 

I promise I shall hurt you never.

You can find me waiting here for your soft kiss

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:29 am

I love the first stanza but the second one is kinf od weak, it needs to leave something for you to decipher not just be given flatly to you. 

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ZozeyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 7:50 pm

I agree with the above statment. It almost changes voice, first stanza is all mysterious and the second one is more just staright out. You need to chose one voice.

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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 8:16 pm

I thought this was cool, I liked the whole thing except for the very last line. I thought your word choice there could have been stronger and more interesting:) Could you read something of mine? Thanks!

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