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Feedback appreciated and reciprocated:)

crubs33 posted this thread...
Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:00 pm

Hey Guys- feedback on this would be great
 
 
A gun into a child’s life
this is your food
this is your wife
These bullets, they are dreams
You’ll see
The monsters, here they come
 
Strap a gun onto a child
Tiny hands and tiny fires
Rounds and round and round they go
Make the other side believe
that we are only playing war
Break the lock and break the door
Wooden spikes and wooden swords
The monsters, here they come
 
Broken little broken arms
Line the shot and line the tar
The dominoes are meant to fall
See the spot and then you pull
we are only playing dolls
we are only paying dolls
The monsters, here they come.
 
We are on a different team
We are blue and they are green
Color war, it has to mean
the monsters, here they come
 
For we are on a different team
through the meadow, cross the stream
our colors run to brown and red
our friends have dreams inside their heads
The sky is blue, the ground is green
and we are red and inbetween 

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SteelersJdog replied...
Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Wow, I'm curious as to what your inspiration was for this. It is a very well written piece, great comparisons and imagery. It is also emotionally striving and thought provoking. Nice work!

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Poetic_PersonThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 14, 2013 at 8:54 pm

This is good... sounds like some song lyrics?

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:36 am

Good but you should get rid of that repeat line about the dolls

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