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Where teen writers share their work
   
poetofdarknessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:04 pm

The taunting assurance of a sure path of destruction and the perception of a vain for the sanity of a new beginning seasoned with the spices of old love to mask the bitter truth of false aspirations along with the hope of mending my shattered dreams numbing the painful blows of simple words forged to mimic daggers rusted with the sheer hate of the world aimed to Peirce the very threshold of my beating heat. leaving bhind only the emptiness of death Following abruptly behind are flaming arrows arched to kill all faith in this life a simple price to pay for mere differences
 
 

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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:32 pm

This could be a lot better... Basically you just strung a bunch of adjectives and adverbs together. It doesn't make a lot of sense and doesn't create a response in the reader (well, me) except for "whaaaaaaa'?"

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SuNshiNe007 replied...
Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:03 pm

Now I finally catch you puttin something new on here. But sadly I must agree with RarelyJaded.. It sounds good but its not what it could be. And I know you are a very talented writer and can fix the problems so please when you do let me know, you have my number. ;) Have a great day!

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poetofdarknessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:21 pm

im aware of that this thread was just a trial and error but thanks for commenting

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SuNshiNe007 replied...
Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm

Oh ok well your welcome then ;) lol hey im on chat wanna join?

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