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Another poem, I need feedback!

calliejean posted this thread...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:22 am

 
There seems to be
an overwhelming number of
children.
Pretending to be what
they are not.
 
And it seems to me
all of these
children
try to become everything
they cannot.
 
It seems this sea
of
children
do not understand the importance of what
they were taught
 
About growth;
About change;
About struggle;
About life;
About death.

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FearlessAngel replied...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:37 pm

Same deal as your last poem. Expand it. And try to find a beat with the wording. It's clever and its getting around to being insightful. But theres no impact. Tie the idea in with your emotion, not your grammar logic. Its okay to bend a few rules to be poetic.

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