Teen Ink
teenink
TeenInk "Thinking is the best way to travel." - The Moody Blues http://t.co/5jzE5kVJyB
Thu May 23, 2013 10:55am Reply Retweet Favorite
TeenInk If this is the ending of the story, what is the beginning? http://t.co/gRzPosYXRi
Wed May 22, 2013 8:48am Reply Retweet Favorite
TeenInk I posted a new photo to Facebook http://t.co/Y2aXGHv5cc
Swallowed by the sea—
a death fit only for me
A sea of promises,
A sea of lies,
A sea of struggles,
Keep us entwined.
A sea of hopes,
A sea of dreams,
A sea of love—
It beckons me.
‘Tis so grim,
yet enticing,
and free—
Will my fate someday be
swallowed in the sea?
This is good.. But I think you could expand on it... It's kind of simplistic. Which might work for others, who knows. I couldn't get into it.
I agree. Its got a great start but what are the promises and lies? How does it impact you? Why do you stick with the person despite those problems? Family? Boyfriend/girlfriend? I was left with lots of questions and not enough to relate to.
The repetiveness is good, so keep that! I would suggest adding more depth to your poem. I agree with the others: I'm left with questions.
Pretty well written, you could use better wprd choice and possible expand it
