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My poetry, feedback please!

calliejean posted this thread...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:20 am

 
Swallowed by the sea—
                a death fit only for me
 
A sea of promises,
A sea of lies,
A sea of struggles,
Keep us entwined.
 
A sea of hopes,
A sea of dreams,
A sea of love—
It beckons me.
 
‘Tis so grim,
yet enticing,
and free—
 
Will my fate someday be
swallowed in the sea?

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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:27 pm

This is good.. But I think you could expand on it... It's kind of simplistic. Which might work for others, who knows. I couldn't get into it.

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FearlessAngel replied...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:34 pm

I agree. Its got a great start but what are the promises and lies? How does it impact you? Why do you stick with the person despite those problems? Family? Boyfriend/girlfriend? I was left with lots of questions and not enough to relate to.

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JennaLayne replied...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:55 pm

The repetiveness is good, so keep that! I would suggest adding more depth to your poem. I agree with the others: I'm left with questions.

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lilly.gilmore replied...
Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:14 am

Pretty well written, you could use better wprd choice and possible expand it 

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