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SweetSandyFlower posted this thread...
Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Poetic Release
Tonight I swallowed pride
And my hurt I attempted
To shield or to hide.
I tried to open the door
Just to have it slammed back
And have my heart crushed on the floor.
I reached out my hand
And I was left there
Alone and empty to stand.
If I make an attempt
I am judged
And help in contempt.
So the corner I sit
And watch my life
Fall into the pit.
The past I knew
The love that
We had hat grew
Has been left to die
And yet I am
The only one to cry.
The tears they soak
From the hopes
That were broke
My self I mist stay true
Even if that means
I have to go on without you.
So here I go on my way
And you aren’t there
To have a say.
But this is the way that we go
Because right now
It’s the only thing we all know.
Someday maybe paths will cross again
And we will be able to try
To be okay then.
But the flame is out
And I am told
Not to pout.
The light does not warm any longer
And maybe the cold
Will find away to make me stronger.
So no more
Will I attempt to
Open your door.
No more will I reach out my hand
And be left
Alone to stand.
I will no longer be in a hurry
To please both you,
The judges and your jurry.

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A_Fate_Unknown replied...
Feb. 4, 2013 at 3:34 pm

I like it, some of the rhymes feel abit forced but maybe its just me, You clearly have a different style than I do. The only things that stuck out to me were some small spelling errors in the piece. Otherwise it was very good.

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FearlessAngel replied...
Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:47 pm

Only two things! One is spelling but thats an easy fix. The other thing though is that you go from description to stating your moving on to pouting. Theres a few contradictory statements. While the writing itself is beautiful the layout needs tweaking. Go from description to pouting to independence. Its more realistic and less confusing that way. = )

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