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My First 3 Poems I Posted Here!

TomDuff posted this thread...
Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:41 am

So, I submitted these not too long ago, and they haven't gotten too many views... So I decided why not  create a thread to get criticism, and maybe more people will see it! I appreciate anything you guys may have to say!
 
Hearts Die, Souls Prosper
 
The heart is limited, but the soul is forever, by fate for eternity we strive together
Our love is strong, our love is great, forever sealed by our fate
Our lives intertwined by our souls, loving each other is all we know
You know it now, you know it then, die, reincarnate, and love again
Soulmate you open all my doors, forever unto you my heart pours
Its stories may be different from life to life, but you always remain, deep inside
Willing, pushing to find what it hides
And every time it does the same, until we die, reincarnate, and love.... again
 
A Heart, A Clock, A Soul, A Brain
 
A Heart, a Clock, a Soul, a Brain
Memories made, memories forgotten
These four things do mean a lot
A Heart, a Clock, a Soul, a Brain
These four things always remain
One to beat until its over
For that one and only oh so true lover
One to tick until its done
Slowly churning out the life
One to move forward unto the next life
To forget all the pain, the tears, and strife
One to remember forever and ever
This life that was just held and what it meant
To find that lover we all strive to be
The single greatness of you, and of me
We are perfect for someone and it just takes time
And for this single soul we stop on a dime
Our jaw drops, and our heart stops for a millisecond
This soul with which we are intertwined
Comes into a life from out of the blue
The single greatness of me, and of you
A Heart, a Clock, a Soul, a Brain
Each time, this is, all that remains
 
They're So Dreamy
 
I see you in my dreams, but I've never met you
Never seen you, never heard you, don't even know your name
Maybe an image from a past life, the projection of my soul mate
For that moment when our eyes lock I shall forever wait
My heart will race, my stomach will flutter
My entire mind will start to clutter
Neither of us will be able to speak
In that moment whence we meet
But deep inside we'll know what this means
A magical attraction between you and me
Our hearts, our souls forever locked
Each time it differs upon the clock
The day, the age, the year it happens
It's ever-changing from life to life
But you forever will be my wife
Til death do us part is so cliche
A soul is forever and that's what it means
To meet your soulmate is worth the wait
Don't tie yourself down or it may be too late
Search for them, and soon after you'll know
If it is the person forever matched with your soul
The angels will sing, the horns will blaze
Your head will sudennly be a maze
The thoughts will race, your blood will be boiling
Its true love, nothing in the world could ever spoil it
True love is forever as is the soul
Dreams come and go but this one recurs
Guiding you to the one that is forever yours

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Sakuya replied...
Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Your poems are great, I especially like the last one. Some of them are so ongoing that you may want to start adding some commas or periods to them to create a more listing feeling if you wish(trust me my poems can look the same as yours and it isn't a bad thing it can just create more of an interesting syntax structure)

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RarelyJadedThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:03 pm

I only had time to read your first one, but it was awesome:)

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TomDuff replied...
Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:24 pm

Yeah, I had a feeling that would be coming somewhere, but I like capitalizing at the beginning of lines, so I didn't do it in fear that I would also have to capitalize in the middle at some point! and that just felt odd to me, but thank you!

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TomDuff replied...
Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:24 pm

Thank you very much! (: 

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